Never Been Hurt
by AlmayCorazon
Summary: The JUMP sequel. All you had to do was ask ;)
1. Never Been Hurt

_**A/N: I'm back! **_

_**JUMPing right into it!**_

_**-A**_

* * *

**Never Been Hurt (Demi Lovato)**

* * *

**Quinn's POV**

* * *

_"How's your first week going?"_

I swung my chair around until I was looking over Manhattan.

Santana was humming lightly on the other end and I could hear the baby gurgling.

_"It's like she knows that we're home. Is that possible?"_

_"Mmm...maybe she just senses your happiness."_

_"Yea...maybe that's it."_

She was still humming when there was a knock on my door.

I turned around and saw my new assistant peaking through the door.

She was young and insanely nervous but I wanted her to be at ease...but that kind of thing takes time.

_"Hold on a sec, babe."_ San grunted and continued humming. I looked at my assistant who was fidgeting in the doorway still._ "Gigi, come in." _

_"Are you sure? I mean, I can come back or I can grab you lunch or-"_

I held up my hand.

_"Breathe."_

She took a deep breath and I couldn't help but smile.

It was like dealing with a young Rachel Berry, after-all.

* * *

_"Thank you, Mrs. Lopez."_

I nodded.

_"Was there something that you needed?"_

_"Oh yes...there is a gentleman here to see you. I told him that you were on a call but he insists that its urgent."_

_"Urgent? Did he give a name?"_

_"Oh right...yes."_ She looked down at her notepad. _"Derek Caste...caste...I'm sorry...I didn't understand his accent so well." _

Normally I would have gotten snappy at her giving me half information but she looked like she was going to hurl and so I just smiled.

_"I'll be out in five. Why don't you take lunch...go get a manicure or something...on me okay?"_

Gigi scurried out of my office with a million apologies.

And then I heard a snicker.

_"You should fire her."_ San said with a sniff.

_"Don't be so harsh...she's a first year law student...her professors probably brow beat her enough as it is. Hey...um...I have someone outside my office. I will call you when I'm on my way home...okay?"_

_"Sure thing, Q ball...and remember, Papi and Tish are taking the baby tonight...so...wink wink."_ She chuckled and it made me blush.

_"You never change."_

_"You say that like it's a bad thing."_

* * *

I was a fucking nervous wreck as I shut my office door behind Derek.

My meeting with him had been a blur and now I found myself needing a stiff drink.

But I needed to get myself together.

Something was off about this whole situation and I was going to get to the bottom of it before talking to San because the moment that she gets involved...

God help us all!

I was just sitting in my desk chair when my intercom went off.

_"What is it Gigi?"_ I snapped without meaning too.

_"Um...I'm sorry to bother...I just...I'm back and I didn't know if you needed anything and um well I al-"_

I flung my office door open and nearly gave the girl a heart attack as she jumped to her feet.

I did a sweep of the office to make sure that Derek had left and then crooked my finger at my assistant.

_"I need you in here right now."_

Gigi was on her feet and following me into my office looking like she was going to faint but I didn't have time for that.

Once she was inside, I shut the door and pointed to a chair.

_"Sit."_

She slumped into the chair and looked up at me with big watery eyes.

_"Mrs. Lopez, I-"_

I held up my hand and shook my head as I began to pace.

_"Stop talking."_

_"Yes ma'am."_

I nearly exploded.

But this wasn't her fault.

I couldn't loose my temper...this was too serious...I could sense it.

* * *

**_A/N: Well, well, well...surprise bitches! :) Tell me what you thought...love it, hate it...(as if!) _**

**_-A _**


	2. You've Got The Love

_**A/N: I'm not sure where I'm going but I know where I've been...and it was quite a ride! ;)  
**_

_**You wanted a sequel...and I'm going to give it to you. **_

_**Ready?**_

_**Enjoy!**_

_**-A**_

* * *

**You've Got The Love (Florence + The Machine)**

* * *

**Santana's POV**

* * *

_"Okay, so you have everything? Are you sure that you are okay with her? You have my number and Quinn's?"_

Tish put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed.

_"Santana...I'm a nurse, I raised nine children and there is a store right up the street if I need anything."_

_"I know...it's just this is my first time..."_ I smiled nervously as I watched her cradling my baby girl.

My stepmother smiled at me and nodded.

_"It gets easier to let go. This is just for one night...and if you need to come and check on her...let me know. I know how hard it can be."_

I sighed in relief, I mean, I knew that Tish and Papi could handle the baby and I knew that she was in good hands but the thought of being away still made me anxious.

And according to Tish, that's a good sign.

People with my disorder can have a hard time connecting to other people and sometimes even with their own kids...

But when it came to Ali, there was nothing that could make me feel disconnected from her.

And I was grateful for that.

* * *

After lingering at my father's house for an hour, I finally managed to leave.

I was just about to call Quinn to let her know that Ali was safely with Tish when my phone rang.

When I looked down at the screen, I had to do a double take.

Over the last three years our bond with Britt had been just about nonexistent.

She never answered our calls or texts and when we did get to speak to her, it was always a minute long conversation.

But never in the last six months had she actually been the one to call me.

So I sat on the steps of my father's house and answered.

There was no way that I was going to pass up the chance to catch up with B.

I missed her way too much.

* * *

_"Brittany! Where have you been?"_ I said before she could speak.

_"San? I um...hi!"_ She said with an unsteady voice.

My heart sank.

This wasn't a casual call.

Something was wrong.

_"B? What's up?"_

_"I heard from Rachel that you moved to New York...is that um...true?"_

_"Yes and I have been trying to get in contact with you!"_

_"Where are you staying?"_ She said in a rush.

_"Papi managed to get us this really amazing townhouse in the village. It's like insanely huge for two people but you know with the baby...he kind of went overboard._" I rambled.

Listen to me...I sounded like vintage Berry.

_"Yea? Um...that's great...how is the baby? What's her name again?"_

_"Alma Maribel...but we just call her Ali."_

_"After your mom and abuela...that's pretty."_

_"Yea...she's amazing."_

_"Listen...I was wondering if maybe you wouldn't um...do you think that Quinn would mind if I brought the kids for a visit?"_

_"Of course she wouldn't mind! We miss you like crazy!"_

_"Good...good...um...do you think...maybe you could meet me at Rachel's?"_

_"Is that where you are?"_

_"Um...yea...I was going to just drop by and she's at work and um..." _

She had been trying to keep her voice level but I could tell that she was about to cry.

_"Okay...well...I'm not far from there...how about I come to you and we can catch a cab to my place?"_

_"Are you sure?"_

_"Britt...just stay there...I'm on my way."_

_"Okay." _She squeaked out before the line cut out.

* * *

My heart was racing as I hailed a cab.

Papi lived only seven blocks from Rachel and while I could have run that with no problem when I was fresh out of high school, I had just had a baby a few months before and there was no way that I could do that kind of thing now.

I shuffled through my phone looking for Q's number when she ended up saving me the trouble.

_"Q?"_

_"Hey baby...something came up...I'm going to be a little late coming home...but not more than an hour. Is that okay?"_

_"Um...yea...just...when you get home...just know that I won't be alone."_

She hesitated.

_"Wh-what do you mean?"_

_"Britt called an-"_

I didn't make it through my sentence.

_"She can't come to the house...San...listen to me...whatever you do...don't take her to the house...bring her..." _I heard her mumbling and then she came back on the line._ "Gigi is going to text you her address...go there with Britt. Gigi is going to meet you. Okay?"_

_"What's this about?"_

_"I'll fill you in when I get there...I have to go."_

_"Um...okay?"_

_"San...I love you...you trust me right?"_

_"Without question."_

_"Good...see you at Gigi's."_

_"Okay. I love yo-"_

And the line went dead.

I had no idea what was going on...but I sure as hell was going to find out.

* * *

_**A/N: I know...what's going on? See you on the flip side! :)**_

_**-A**_


	3. I'm On Your Side

_**A/N: I went back and forth with this next chapter...it was supposed to be at the end of Jump but I just didn't feel right about such a dark ending. There are some triggering things in this chapter but I kept it as mild as possible.  
**_

_**Here is a little bit of darkness...**_

_**But you expected that by now...right?**_

_**Quinntana is okay...I promise! **_

_**Enjoy! :)**_

_**-A**_

* * *

**I'm On Your Side (Angela Bofill)**

* * *

**Quinn's POV**

* * *

I paced my office as I waited for Gigi to call and tell me that she had met with my wife.

When this day started out, I thought that it would be just another day but I was proven insanely wrong.

But I knew Britt and she would never do something like this unless she had good reason.

I trusted her a hell of a lot more than I trusted Derek, that's for sure.

That's why I was doing this...

When my marriage was in trouble and I was at the end of my rope, Britt was there.

And now she was in trouble and I wasn't going to just leave her to deal on her own.

San and I were in a good place in our marriage and I knew for a fact that we could handle this.

Even if Britt didn't want our help.

* * *

Britt calling San had been a curve ball.

After talking to Derek, I was hoping that I would have time to talk to B before things got really bad.

Now I had to think on my feet.

A hard life had prepared me to do just that, so when Derek came knocking on my office door, this time with back up...I was ready for him.

_"You pushed my hand."_ He said as he stepped in with a man in a suit next to him.

I smiled and gestured towards the seats in front of my desk.

_"Come in have a seat, my assistant is gone for the night but I can grab you some coffee if you like?"_

Derek looked annoyed but his apparent lawyer put a hand on his arm and shook his head before he could lose his temper.

_"Hello, Mrs. Lopez, John McDowell, I'm Dr. Castellanos' counsel. My client has reason to be believe that you might know the whereabouts of his wife and children."_

I smiled but didn't speak as I completely ignored Derek.

_"John...can I call you that?"_ He nodded and I leaned back in my seat, trying my best to seem at ease. _"I can understand how distraught he must be and I can honestly say that I have not spoken nor seen Brittany in about six or seven months. When Derek came to see me earlier, I stressed to him that even if I did know where she was that there was no way that I could force her to return home. I wish that I could help more than that."_

* * *

**Santana's POV**

* * *

When I stepped out of the cab in front of Rachel's place, Britt was nowhere to be found._  
_

_"What the fuck?" _I muttered._  
_

_"San?"_

And that's when I saw her huddled against a wall next to an alley.

It was nearly dark and if that's where she was planning on standing...I was glad that I got there when I did.

_"B?"_

I wasn't prepared.

She stepped from the shadows with a little baby belly, Zack on one hip and Nicky peaking from behind her.

_"I'm so glad you came." _She sighed out once we were closer.

Her face was swollen from her tears and her eyes were bloodshot.

I hadn't been expecting that...but then I reminded myself that I had seen her look much worse on more than one occasion.

_"Let's get a cab...it's getting late and the kids shouldn't be out here." _

She seemed relieved that I was taking charge without questioning what this was about.

But I knew my wife and just from the urgency in her voice over the phone, I knew that whatever was going on was bad.

Britt was in trouble and I just wanted to help in whatever way that I could.

* * *

We sat on opposite ends of the backseat of the cab and didn't speak as the cab drove us deeper into Brooklyn.

My phone buzzed and I felt relief when I saw Papi's face pop up.

_"Hey Papi, Bendicion." _

_"Dios te bendiga...que paso? You sound like you're in trouble."_

_"What?!"_ I snapped at him.

_"Yea...something is definitely wrong...you have that tone in your voice."_

_"How's Ali?"_ I said, as I attempted to change the subject.

_"Beautiful and sleeping peacefully. She's eaten and I've changed her a whole bunch. I just wanted to check in on you...should I be worried?"_

When you only have one parent left and no other family to turn to, you don't want to fuck that up.

I wanted to be honest with him but I just couldn't in that moment.

_"I'm not sure yet, Papi. Maybe later."_ I said hoping that it didn't sound too much like I was about to dime out Britt.

She was busy whispering to Zach about things outside the window while Nicky slept on her shoulder but I knew that she was still listening in.

_"Ohhh...someone is with you...got it. Cuidate, amor. Entiendes?"_

_"Si Papi. Goodnight."_

_"Goodnight."_

* * *

_"You didn't have to lie to him, Santana."  
_

We were stepping out of the cab when Britt finally acknowledged my conversation with my father.

_"I don't even know what I'm lying about, B...honestly."_

Her face fell and she shot a look back at Nicky as he climbed out of the cab and then looked at me with a sad smile._  
_

_"I know."_

I looked at my godson and that's when I noticed that he looked like he was in pain as he moved.

He kept holding a hand to his side and was moving kind of slow.

Oh God...anything but that.

Dear sweet baby Jesus...just...not that.

I looked at Britt and she was busying herself with adjusting Zach on her hip.

_"Do you want me to hold him?"_

She shook her head.

_"That's fine...he is kind of clingy and I don't want to upset him."  
_

I nodded and then felt a flash of relief when this really secretively hot chick waved at me.

_"You must be Santana...I'm uh...Gigi."  
_

She stuck out a shaky hand and immediately, any worry that I had about her being around my wife every day, vanished.

Q hated dealing with nervous people...she found it unattractive.

So I had nothing to worry about.

Thankfully.

* * *

I was sitting in the living room of the super small apartment while Gigi got Britt and the boys settled in her guest room.

Gigi had attempted to offer me food or something to drink but really, I just wanted to go the hell home and not have to deal with her.

Her anxiety made me feel violent.

Snix was itching to flip at her but I just pushed her down and pressed my fingers against my temples.

_"Hurry up, Q..." _I whispered.

_"Are you talking to yourself?"_

I looked over and saw Britt looking a little less emotional as she sat down on the recliner across from me.

_"I'd much rather be talking to you...what the hell is going on, B?"_

She smiled sadly and then pushed up her sleeves.

Her wrists were swollen and purple as she held them out.

_"He has been doing this for a while now...ever since Zack was born. Nicky has that Greek nose and hair...he looks like Derek but not Zack, he is all me...blonde hair...blue eyes and Derek just never believed that he was his son. I'm not sure who he thought I was having sexy times with...but he just always denied him. But I stayed with him for the boys. I let him yell...I let him do this but once he...he started to hurt the boys...I had to leave...and so I took them and I ran."_

Britt's eyes were red again but I just smiled at her and reached my pinky forward.

She hesitantly took it and then tried to smile back.

_"Don't you worry, B...It's going to be alright. I promise you...you're safe now."_

My suspicions had been right.

And now that fucker was going to pay!

* * *

**_A/N: Please have faith that things will get better!  
_**

**_-A_**


	4. Ain't It Fun

**_A/N: Thank you for all of the love! Love ya back! This was still part of the end of Jump...so triggers still apply._**

* * *

**Ain't It Fun (Paramore)**

* * *

**Brittany's POV**

* * *

People always said that I was spoiled and immature as a teenager and I completely agreed.

My parents spoiled me rotten but I still think that I was always a good person.

Some people may not agree but that's why God created opinions.

My husband...with the exception of his sister, is one of five boys.

All of them are spoiled and can do no wrong.

His mother lived in Greece but it was no different than if she was next door.

She had always been a third in my marriage.

But she kept her distance.

As long as I didn't scandalize the Castellanos name she left me alone.

But when I came back from California, after living with my ex-girlfriend and a second time in rehab, she decided to make it her mission to see me fail.

She never thought that I was good enough.

Her opinion.

Derek though, started to agree with her.

Why wouldn't he?

A mama's boy like him would never question her motives.

But I was his wife and a damn good one.

Sure I had fucked up and became a drunk but I was different now.

I tried to be like his mom.

Tried to think like her and let him rule over me.

Because I knew that would please them.

But I was stupid.

I lost myself in the process.

Even still, I wanted to prove myself to him.

So, he made rules and I followed them.

She called me everyday to make sure that I wasn't drunk and I didn't complain.

Then she started questioning my relationship with Santana and so I got pregnant with Zack.

That satisfied her.

Things were good.

She felt convinced that I had finally met her standards, at least that was until I gave birth.

* * *

Derek had flown her from Greece so that she could help take care of Nicky while I took care of Zack.

But then things got hard when she saw my son.

His big blue eyes were nothing like Derek's dark eyes and his blond curls, which I thought made him look like a baby angel, were nothing like Derek's straight black hair.

That's when the trouble started.

His mom told him that she didn't think Zack was his.

All he needed was that little bit of doubt.

He started to pick apart everything that I did.

And when his mom left, he began to yell at me more.

And God forbid Santana or Quinn called, I heard about it for weeks.

But I stood by the fact that I was a good wife, a great mom and I was still sober.

And when the paternity test came back and he saw that he WAS Zack's dad that still didn't change things back to how they were.

The damage had been done.

But I stayed.

For two more years!

Stupid me.

* * *

I have never been a night owl.

Mornings have always been my best time of the day.

No mistakes...no fuck ups.

But as I have gotten older and have become a wife and mother...I have come to really like the night-time.

The darkness.

And so when Derek decided to move us away from the city, my only requirement was a big porch and a swing.

Those were still the good days, when I was newly sober and we were in love again.

The days before fights and cheating.

Derek had moved us to the Hamptons...right off the beach as a distraction.

He knew that as long as I was on that porch,

On that swing,

I wouldn't be showing up in Manhattan to interrupt him and his whores.

He thought that I was stupid but I didn't care.

My kids were healthy and I wasn't drinking.

He worked all the time and I didn't work at all,

So I settled.

But then time passed.

And I was starting to see the differences in my family compared to everyone else's.

The other wives knew that their husbands were dicking around but so were they.

But that wasn't who I was.

I wanted a real family.

If I couldn't dance, couldn't party...couldn't have the girl who got away...

Then I at least wanted my kids to have two loving parents like I did.

I was delusional back then...

But not anymore...

I was nearly at the end of my rope...

And yet I still held on.

Hoping for a reason to stay.

* * *

Instead...I was given a good reason to leave.

After years of occasional punches, it was Derek that fucked up.

That whole week he was coming home drunk and smelling like sex.

And that night, I had decided to confront him about it.

I couldn't take it anymore.

He needed to change or I was leaving.

That's what I told myself as I sat on the porch...waiting...for hours.

I took a deep breath and rubbed at my growing stomach.

Four months, just showing and I was already over being pregnant.

How we had even managed to get pregnant in the first place was something that confused me.

He was rarely here and when he was we were fighting.

I guess it just happened at some point...

With or without my permission.

But he didn't hurt the kids and really, that's all that mattered to me.

* * *

_"Mommy?"_

I closed my eyes and rocked on the porch swing.

_"Yes, Nicky?"_ I whispered with a sore throat and a choked up voice.

_"When is Papa coming home?"_

Who knew?

I turned towards the screen door and saw my son standing there in his pajamas.

He was seven years old now and much more aware of what was going on around him...

Which definitely worried me.

I sighed and patted the swing next to me.

_"Do you want come sit with me?"_

He smiled and I couldn't help but smile back when I saw his missing front teeth.

Even when it was this late at night and I was hurting in too many ways, my kids always managed to keep me going.

Keep me from running away.

* * *

Nicky climbed up onto the swing and then curled against my side with a small sigh.

It was a pure moment.

A moment that wouldn't last long.

A moment that would change everything.

In the next second, I heard a car door slam and then grunts.

Nicky looked up at me wide eyed and then put his hand on top of my stomach.

_"Mommy?"_ He whimpered.

I rubbed his head and pulled him closer to me.

_"Shh...it's alright."_

Derek stumbled up the steps and snarled when he looked at us.

Nicky was shivering and it made me super mad that Derek had that effect on him.

* * *

_"What's he doing up?"_ Derek grunted.

_"He was waiting for you."_ I said as I continued to rub soothing circles on my son's back.

_"After I told him to go to bed?"_

_"Derek...please...go lay down. Zack is sleeping and you are drunk."_

_"Shut up, Brittany!"_

He began to fiddle with his belt and I stood to my feet.

Attempting to block my son.

Derek had been threatening for weeks that Nicky was stubborn (like him) and spoiled (again, like him) and that he was going to teach him a lesson.

But I wasn't going to let that happen.

He was even madder as he continued to take off his belt.

Nicky was whimpering behind me.

* * *

_"You are too drunk to think straight...go to bed, Derek...please?"_

_"You are calling me a drunk? Who do you think you are?"_

_"Derek...please? Nicky doesn't need to see you like this."_

_"Then he should be in his fucking bed like I told him to be! You baby these boys too fucking much, Brittany! That stops now!"_

Derek raised his belt in the air and then it went whipping down.

I shielded my stomach, while still attempting to block Nicky.

But then I felt his little body being pulled away from me and then my son cried out.

_"No, Papa, I'm sorry!"_ He screamed as Derek continued to bring the belt down on his back and his legs over and over again. _"Please! Stop!"_

_"Derek! Stop!"_

I tried stepping in but Derek lifted Nicky off the ground by his arm and turned from me.

_"Papa please? No! Mommy!" _He screamed.

It was the last straw.

I didn't give a shit if Derek hit me...

But my kids would not live in terror.

* * *

**_A/N: More to come...fluff up next! _**


	5. Me and You (I'm Like a Lawyer)

_**A/N: Dark and Fluffy! Best description of my writing ever! Thanks Gee! :) Let's keep rolling, lovelies!**_

_**How are you liking it so far?**_

_**Enjoy!**_

_**-A**_

* * *

**Me and You [I'm Like a Lawyer With The Way I'm Always Trying to Get You Off] (Fall Out Boy)**

* * *

**Quinn's POV**

* * *

I stood outside of my office building that night waiting anxiously for my wife.

After Derek had left my office, I had texted her and asked her to just meet me at work and to leave Britt with Gigi.

Knowing the type of person that he was, I was sure that I was being watched.

He hadn't been clear about what happened, just that a few days ago when he left for work, Britt was there and then that night she was gone.

No note, no messages...just gone.

It was my hope that she had opened up to San and I could then figure out my next move with San.

Because if anyone had Britt's best interest at heart, it was my wife.

I still didn't really have a full grasp on what was going on but just from the look of San's face a few minutes later, I could tell that this situation was incredibly bad.

Probably worse than I had first thought.

* * *

Ever since we had been back in New York, San had been happy and down right bubbly.

Being so close to her family and some of our old friends was really doing her some good.

Add on top of that, the fact that she had a few record labels that were actually pursuing her and that basically guaranteed that she was in a state of bliss consistently.

But when she climbed out of that cab and she looked more like Snix than my bubbly wife...my stomach dropped.

This was definitely worse than I had thought.

Suddenly being home with a crying, poopy infant was sounding like heaven.

This was supposed to be our date night.

But things had changed.

I should have felt upset but I just couldn't be.

God always has a plan and obviously it was for us to help Brittany.

And going with the flow had definitely been something that I had become accustomed too.

Especially with a wife like Santana.

* * *

I flashed her a smiled as she got closer and her face loosened up a bit.

_"Breathe."_ I whispered as I pulled her into a hug.

She rested against me and hugged me back.

_"I'm trying...it's just...you should have seen her, Q."_

_"Shhh...we can talk at home...for now...lets just be here."_ I said as I rubbed her back.

She nodded and kissed my shoulder before pulling away.

_"Then let's go home...please?"_

The look in her eyes told me everything that I needed to know.

She was hurting.

Her personalities were blending and she couldn't control a thing.

This wasn't a first for us...it was old hat by now and so I just nodded, kissed her sweet lips and took her hand in mine.

_"All you had to do was ask."_

* * *

_"Mmm fuck...yes!"_ I groaned._  
_

I put my hand on her head as she thrusted three fingers inside of me.

She was going to lick me dry or at least that was her plan before she went down there.

And I was pretty sure that she would succeed.

The phone rang and I reached for it blindly.

_"San...the phone...please...oh my...ahhhh!"_

She looked up at me with a smirk and began to nibble.

My whole body was vibrating as I answered the phone.

_"Yea?" _

_"Mrs. Lopez? It's Gigi...I'm sorry to call but...I just um-"_

_"Spit it out, Gigi! I'm kind of busy." _I said before biting back a moan.

_"Oh...well um it's just I wanted to let you know that I'm um...taking your friend to the hospital."_

_"What?!" _I sat forward.

_"Fuck." _San groaned as I pulled away and in the process made her bite her lip._ "Shit...what's wrong?"_

_"Gigi...what happened?"_

_"She uh...she's..."_

_"Is she with you?"_

_"Y-yes."_

_"Put her on the phone."_

* * *

There was shuffling and then a mumbled greeting.

This was not good.

Completely pissed that she had been interrupted and injured, San ripped the phone out of my hand.

_"B? Which hospital?"_

I was already getting dressed.

_"No...listen go to Methodist. My dad is on call tonight...I'll have him meet you...just breathe baby."_

My jaw dropped as I shot her a look.

* * *

After she had sent a text off to her dad she tossed the phone to the side and sat on the edge of the bed.

_"Baby?" _I said sarcastically.

_"Habit?"_ She shrugged.

_"Bullshit, you haven't talked to her in forever."_

Her face fell and then she fell to her knees in front of me...

I rolled my eyes when she folded her hands in front of her chin and began pouting.

_"What can I do to make it up to you?"_

I quirked up my eyebrow and smirked.

My pride had been wounded when she had me on my knees and I had been waiting for this opportunity.

She made it too easy.

_"Mmm...I want you just like this when I get back."_

* * *

She looked at me in shock.

_"Wait...I can't go?"_

I ran a brush through my hair and shook my head.

_"No. After you nearly came unhinged earlier, do you really want to chance it?"_

I expected her to argue but she just nodded and pulled a pillow down from the bed and put it under her knees.

She was not happy but she still didn't fight me.

_"Okay well then hurry up."_

_"Keep digging that hole and I'll take the pillow away. I didn't have one...remember?"_

Her face went pale and she just nodded.

_"Sorry."_

_"Yea? We'll see about that."_

I kissed her once more and then swung my hips as I walked across the room.

_"I guess payback's a bitch after all."_ She muttered as I was walking out of the door.

_"I'll take that as a compliment. See you later baby!"_

* * *

_**A/N: Sexy times are a coming! ;)**_


	6. Trouble

_**A/N: Dark and fluffy ;)**_

* * *

**Trouble (Coldplay)**

* * *

**Brittany's POV**

* * *

_"Thank you so much Mr. Lopez, I'm sorry to pull you out of bed in the middle of the night."_

He scribbled some things on my chart and then ran a hand over my cheek like he had been doing since I was a kid.

He made me feel safe.

Which was just what I needed in that moment.

_"You just need to take better care of yourself. You put a lot of stress on your body, just because you feel like a pro at this pregnancy thing, remember that each one is different. I want you to try to stay off your feet as much as possible for the next few days."_

_"Um...okay. I will."_

The door to the room swung open and I felt a mixture of guilt and relief when I saw Quinn stroll in with worry on her face.

_"Is everything alright?"_ She said as she came around the bed and looked up at Santana's dad. _"Bendicion, Pop."_ She said and kissed his cheek.

_"God bless you, mija."_

Jealousy spiked through me to see another way that she had ended up taking my place over the years.

But then I pushed that away.

I was happy that San had ended up with Q and I was happy that Q was willing to put the past behind us.

She had a bigger heart than she realized.

_"Yes, a little bleeding and fainting. Brittany hasn't been taking very good care of herself and that doctor husband of hers hasn't either."_

_"Mmmm...can I talk to you in the hall, Pop?"_

I shook my head.

"_It's fine Q...I told him."_

Relief covered her face and I felt even more guilty.

_"San told me about the abuse...how are the boys? How are you? Do you have any plans on your next step?"_

* * *

The questions were circling me from every direction and really, all that I wanted was to be happy.

I told Q that I was going to go file a police report in the morning.

She wanted to do it right away but I just couldn't put Nicky through that tonight.

He was worried enough.

My sons were seven and two...at those ages they should know no struggles or pain.

And if I could give them this one night...cuddled up with their mom before the world crashed around them...then I would.

If I was stressed, then so were they.

And if it hadn't been for San's dad agreeing with me, Q wouldn't have backed down so easily.

But thankfully after she was convinced that I would go right back to Gigi's and rest...

And after Gigi then convinced her that she should be my lawyer and come with me to file the report in the morning...

She gave in.

* * *

In all the craziness of my night, Gigi was the shining light.

She was funny and a wreck at the same time.

But she was only a wreck around Quinn and then San.

For me though, she was totally different...

It's how I have always been...the neutralizer in the trinity.

The one who could befriend anyone from Puck to Becky with no problem.

_"You shouldn't be so afraid of her."_ I said after we climbed into the cab.

_"I can't help it. She hasn't been unnecessarily mean to me or anything...maybe a little bossy but she is...well my boss after all."_

I smiled.

She reminded me a lot of Rachel.

Maybe they were related.

_"She will never respect you if you don't stand up for yourself_._ Look at me...I'm not this big scary person like her and Santana...but they both love me and they are willing to protect me and take care of me...even now when I feel weaker than you do."_

Gigi nodded and then shifted Zack so that he was sleeping on her other shoulder.

_"I guess that makes sense. How did you guys all meet?"_

_"Well we were something that people used to call the unholy trinity." _

Her face got pale and for the second time in five minutes, I couldn't help but laugh.

* * *

It felt good to finally be able to do that with someone other than my kids.

With another adult.

It was time for me to get back in the real world.

For two long years, I had been stuck in the Hamptons, occasionally going to stuck up parties with my husband, and then the rest of my time was spent at home.

This was my first time back in the city since I had Zack and I didn't want it to be the last.

I had missed the place that had torn me raw when I first got here.

And even though being an alcoholic well before my twenty-first birthday was not something that I would wish on my own children...I'm glad that I got that experience over with.

Because now, I was able to see the world in a different way than I would have any other way.

I was finally seeing things the way that everyone else did.

And because of that...I would be able to protect my children from the monster that they called Papa.

* * *

I'm not sure how he did it.

But when we got back to Gigi's there stood Derek with the police and Nicky.

My heart stopped.

When Gigi told me that her mom lived downstairs and would watch over my son while we went to the hospital...I trusted that he would be okay.

But somehow Derek had used that opportunity to swoop in.

And now things were about to get worse.

Gigi paid the cab driver and then looked at me with a scrunched up face.

_"Is that him? Should I call Mrs. Lopez?"_

_"No...let her have tonight...I can deal with him. If it gets bad then you call her...but not yet."_

_"Are you sure?"_

_"Yes."_

* * *

I stepped out onto the sidewalk and Derek was talking to one of the cops...well yelling at him.

He hadn't seen me yet but Nicky had.

_"Mommy!"_ He screamed before running straight into my arms.

He rested his head on my stomach and put his arms around my waist.

_"Hey...what's going on?"_

Nicky had tears in his eyes.

_"I'm sorry, Mommy. I know you said not to answer my phone if Papa called...but I...I missed him."_ He said with big tears dripping down his cheeks.

He felt guilty.

But he shouldn't have to choose between his parents.

He loved his father and I never meant to make him feel like he couldn't talk to him.

There was no way that Nicky would think that this would happen just from talking to his dad.

But Derek took his innocent moment and turned it into this.

That's when I knew that Derek must have tracked Nicky's phone.

What an asshole.

_"Don't be sorry, Nicky...it's going to be fine. I promise. Mommy is going to fix this."_

I had never lied to my kids and I never thought that I would but then...I never thought that I would have to.

Until now.

* * *

**_A/N: More to come today._**


	7. Speechless

_**A/N: Mmm...every time that I hear this song...I'm like shit...that's hot. Your turn...this may turn some people on and some off...but obviously...I don't care too much. **_

_**Happy reading! :)  
**_

_**Love you...mean it :)**_

_**-A**_

* * *

**Speechless (Beyoncé)**

* * *

**Santana's POV**

* * *

I had been prepared to kneel all night long.

Quinn had been right...I was starting to become a bit unhinged again.

I did feel like I was two people at once.

And then there was the lack of a voice in my head.

A voice that I had learned to live with and to control better.

So either Snix was completely gone or she was here with me.

That was the only way that I could explain the need to call Britt baby.

Obviously we weren't mooning over her or anything.

All of me was very much in love with Quinn and our daughter.

It was just a slip.

And now I was prepared to pay for my slip up.

* * *

My phone rang as my knees started to get a bit numb.

I shifted and picked it up.

_"Bendicion, Papi."_

_"Why weren't you at the hospital?"_

_"Q asked me to stay here."_ I tried to be vague.

Talking to your parent while you are kneeling in the center of your bedroom, completely naked is not something you want to get caught doing.

But when said parent and his wife are looking after your five month old...it's just one of those things that ends up happening from time to time, I guess.

_"Are you splitting again, Santana? Have you been taking your meds?"_

I groaned as his usual lecture was starting.

An unnecessary lecture...or at least right now it was.

_"Yes, Papi. There is no way that I would chance hurting Ali by losing control. Tonight just got a bit much for me. Q made a good decision by getting me to stay here. How's Ali? How was Brittany?"_

_"Ali is still happily sleeping and as far as Brittany is concerned, she's dealing with a lot and isn't taking proper care of herself by giving some actual respect to her pregnancy, now that she is aware of it...I'm sure that she should be fine."_

_"Oh thank God...so her baby is fine?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Good."_

I heard the sound of heels on the hardwood and I felt a shiver run through me.

Quinn was home.

_"Okay Papi, if there is nothing else...I need to get some quality time in with my wife before we pick up the baby manana..."_

_"Ahhh...I'm interrupting... got it...goodnight mija. Have fun."_

_"Gross...goodnight."_

I hung up to the sound of him letting out a huge chuckle.

Sex should just be off-limits in our conversations...

Ugh.

* * *

The door creaked open and I soon forgot about any phone calls or drama.

My head was bent as I took a deep breath and waited.

Her heels clicked more and then they stopped just in front of me.

I looked at her feet and then began to raise my head and was stopped by her hand as it came down on top of my head.

_"Close your eyes."_ She said in her deepest, most raspy voice.

And so I closed my eyes.

Seconds later she wrapped something silky around my eyes.

It was going to be THAT kind of night and I was ready.

So fucking ready.

* * *

I felt her fingers trace over my shoulder and then up my neck until she slowly pushed them into my hair.

She worked my long hair into a high pony with ease and I found myself leaning into her touch.

I felt her body slide down behind mine and I shivered.

She was still completely dressed as she wrapped her hands around my body and pulled me to lean against her.

I laid my head back on her shoulder as her hands began to slowly trail up my stomach and cupped my aching breasts.

She massaged them and then slowly let them fall.

_"Mmmm."_ I groaned.

_"Shhh."_ She said before her hand came up and cupped my chin.

Her lips met mine and she immediately began to nip at my lips before sucking my tongue into her mouth.

My body was buzzing with want and anticipation.

I wanted her more than anything.

I couldn't stop grinding back against her.

And I knew from the hitch in her breathing that she was insanely horny.

* * *

But then she moved.

And suddenly I was left kneeling there...alone.

_"Q?"_ I called out.

_"Who do you belong to, Santana."_

_"You."_ I said without hesitating.

_"That's right and other than Ali...what other person should you be calling your baby."_

_"You."_

_"Anyone else."_

I shivered when I felt her kneel down in front of me.

_"Nobody else."_

_"Good girl."_ She rasped as she came closer.

I groaned when her warm mouth captured my nipple.

_"Oh God!"_ I groaned again and brought my hand around her head.

My fingers gripped her hair as I held her in place.

She continued to nibble and suck at my nipple and it was making me crazy.

I felt like I was going to explode as I felt a gush of wetness drip down my leg and from my breast simultaneously.

There was no way that this should feel so...

Oh God...so amazing!

* * *

I shifted on the pillow and leaned into her mouth as she continued to suck and lick at me.

Her hands came up my back and then she scratched down my skin, sending painful pleasure through my body as more wetness coated my thighs.

For me nothing else existed but her hands and her mouth as I came, shivering and aching from the sensations of it all.

_"Fuck...more baby."_

Apparently, I had used the right word because without warning her fingers sunk into me.

_"Say it again."_ She said as she slowly curled her fingers.

_"Baby."_ I whispered as I trailed my fingers down her face and pulled her towards my other boob. _"More please...baby."_

And when she obliged, I groaned.

_"So fucking good!"_

When her lips captured my other nipple, I fell back against my feet...no longer able to hold myself up on just my knees.

_"Get back up."_ She scolded and I groaned as I pushed myself back up onto my knees.

Her arm came around my waist and held me in place as she began to trail kisses up my neck.

She was keeping me grounded with her arm holding me pressed against her still clothed body.

I wanted to feel her skin against mine but this wasn't about pleasing her in the sexual sense.

She was trying to prove a point.

After she had me firmly in place and was biting down on my neck, her fingers began to dig deeper into me.

And then she added another finger and I just about died.

* * *

_"Oh God! Yessssssssssss! Fuck me...yes! So fucking good!"_ I screamed as I came.

I swore that I saw a flash of light as I leaned into my wife...

Panting and whimpering as she began to flick my clit over and over with her thumb.

_"Was that good, San...did you like that?"_

_"You have to ask?"_ I grunted out.

And then she laughed against my ear and squeezed me tighter as her fingers picked up speed again.

_"Did...you...like...that?"_ She asked again.

_"Yessss! Yes...fuck...yes Quinnnnnn...yes!"_ I screamed out.

* * *

After that, she pulled me to my feet and I could barely stand.

But I managed to make it back to the bed.

Shaking and almost completely disoriented.

Her lips and fingers hadn't left my body and I could feel her hovering over me.

I came again just thinking about her next move.

_"Sexy."_ She said as she slapped my ass.

My body jolted and I collapsed.

Making it back to my pillow on memory alone had been achievement.

I was proud of myself for making it that far.

* * *

Once I was laying on my back, I felt her fingers again.

I whimpered as her fingers slowly began scratching up and down my thighs hard enough to bruise.

I hissed and squirmed when her fingers began to do the same thing on my stomach and then over my tits.

From then on I was just at a loss for words.

Her lips soon replaced her fingers and I melted.

_"UHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_ I screamed out as I came just from just her touch. _"Ayyyyy...bay...bay...ungh!"_ I groaned out and then her plump lips were sucking my clit.

And I was gone...

Just...

Gone.

Her point had been proven.

* * *

The blindfold was long gone and daylight was starting to stream through the windows.

But Q was still going.

Except now after exhausting her fingers and her lips she was using the biggest strap-on that she had.

I rested my head against my knee as she held my ankles above my head.

She was going slow as she worked her way in and out of me.

_"Who am I?"_ She kept saying.

My answer never changed.

_"Baby."_ I whispered.

_"Who am I?"_

_"Ba...by."_ I said as I came for the millionth time.

Her fingers came down between us and she began to flick my clit again.

_"Come again."_

And I did...over and over until finally my body gave in.

My body arched into hers and then my world went dark as another orgasm washed over me.

Yep...she had definitely proven her point.

* * *

_**A/N: Shit...**_


	8. Nightingale

_**A/N: Mmmmm...triggers...yea...cuidate!**_

* * *

**Nightingale (Demi Lovato)**

* * *

**Brittany's POV**

* * *

Once the cops saw that the kids weren't in any danger, they left.

Just another domestic dispute.

But it was more than that.

I knew that...

Derek knew that...

Even Gigi knew that...

But when my son hugged me and cried against my stomach, asking me to not fight...I told them to go.

I told them that it was all a misunderstanding and Derek went along with it.

Without a fight.

And poor Gigi...

She just offered up her apartment and agreed to watch after Zack and Nicky.

I hated that she had gotten pulled into this.

But my mouth had spoken faster than my brain and now here we were.

* * *

I looked at my reflection in the bathroom mirror and could see the tears wanting to come.

But they wouldn't fall.

I was too tired...

Tired of crying...

Tired of watching my kids cry...

And tired of putting people in an awkward position...

It was like all the strength that I had built up was gone and this crying hot mess was all that was left.

He had broken me down.

Derek had torn me apart for so long that I was beginning to feel numb inside.

I was like the walking dead.

But only I could see just how deeply I was hurting.

Or so I thought.

* * *

When I stepped into the kitchen, Derek had Nicky standing in front of him and was looking at his sore back with a worried expression on his face.

_"The pain is getting worse. You went too far."_ I said, without thinking.

But Derek looked up at me, sober for one of the first times in a long time and nodded.

_"I know. His ribs are bruised but not broken, thankfully...it's going to hurt for a bit. Can you get him some ice?"_

I shook my head.

It may have seemed harsh but I wasn't doing something that he very well could do himself.

_"No...you hurt him...you get the ice."_ I said as I sat down across the table and held my arms open for my son.

Derek got up and moved to the freezer, not putting up a fight but that's not how Nicky saw it.

Nicky looked at his father and then at me.

_"Please don't fight."_ He whispered with tears in his eyes. _"I'm sorry for being bad."_

* * *

I got so angry inside at Derek for causing all of this and took Nicky's hands in mine from across the table.

_"Nicky...baby you didn't do anything wrong. I told you that."_

But he ripped his hands from mine and buried his face in his hands.

No matter how many times I told him the truth...he couldn't see it.

I looked up at Derek and then back at my son.

Maybe I needed to explain it to him.

But then Derek spoke before I could.

_"He disobeyed me, Brittany, so I punished him...he should be sorry for being so disobedient."_

_"That's crap and you know it."_ I said as I slapped my hand down on the table.

Derek put the ice pack down and then leaned over the table...inches from my face.

_"You will not talk to me like that...especially not in front of my fucking son! You better watch yourself Brittany. I'm trying to fix this."_

_"Why are you even here, don't you have a whore that you should be off screwing or something?"_ I asked as I crossed my arms over myself.

He lifted Nicky's shirt and ignored me as he iced his back.

Maybe I shouldn't have said that...

But I was hurt.

He shouldn't be here.

* * *

_"It hurts, Papa."_ Nicky whined.

_"That will teach you to listen."_

I had been quiet as the minutes went by but I was tired of him making my son feel guilty when he shouldn't.

He was on that porch because I asked him to be.

There was no reason for Derek to beat him.

And there was no fucking reason for Nicky to be suffering.

_"Nicky go to the room and lay down."_ I said but he looked at Derek and waited for permission.

I took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of my nose.

Be calm...be calm.

_"Listen to what your mother says Nikolas."_

And then, only after Derek gave him permission did Nicky start to move.

I wanted to scream.

* * *

_"He's coming home with me."_

_"Who?"_ I was genuinely confused as I listened to the bedroom door close._  
_

_"My son."_

_"Zack or Nicky?" _I said sarcastically knowing what he had meant and not liking it_._

He chose to ignore it.

Ignore that he was obviously throwing away Zack without a care.

_"I don't care what you do anymore Brittany...but you will not take my son from me. Nikolas should be with his father."_

_"And what about Zackary?"_

_"You know how I feel about him."_

_"He's your son too, Derek. You don't fucking get to pick and choose your children."_

_"I have full custody of Nikolas. He comes home with me tonight...do what you want with that little bastard you are carrying and your other son. But I stand by what I said...Nikolas comes home with me, tonight."_

_"No." _I said as I stood to my feet. "_You will not take him from me. He is my son. I am going to the cops tomorrow and I am getting a protection order against you."_

_"Saying what? That I disciplined my son? Do you think that he would turn on his Papa?"_

_"You saw his back! That isn't discipline...that's abuse! He wouldn't be turning on you...he would be telling the truth!"_ I was shrieking now.

But he stood there, leaning against the counter looking at me like I had lost my mind.

Like I was being irrational.

_"I'm his Papa...he won't say a thing and neither will you...or else."_

_"Or else what? Why wouldn't I say anything?" _I said as I began to shake.

And then before I could even take another breath, he was across the room and he was pinning me against the wall that separated the two bedrooms.

His warm breath was on my face as little speckles of spit hit my cheeks.

I had never seen him this angry and the fact that he was sober just told me that this was more real than I had ever imagined.

His actions weren't from a drunken rage...they were very real.

_"Because you are a worthless piece of shit. You're stupid and you are nothing without me."_

_"Let go of me."_

And so he grabbed my arms and slammed me backwards.

The air left my lungs as I gasped for breath.

_"It was easier when you were a fucking drunk."_

_"Stop...please?"_ I finally choked out as I put my hands around my stomach.

The baby was moving and I was feeling nauseous.

_"I hope you die without me." _He said with a glare.

And then the tears came.

He was a monster and I was at his mercy.

_"Papa stop!" _Nicky was in the room now. _"Don't hurt my Mommy!"_

In the past Derek would back off if Nicky walked in the room but tonight was different.

Tonight he was pissed and was ready to strike at anyone in his way.

Including his precious son.

* * *

It happened in slow motion.

He had raised his hand to me and Nicky had hit him.

Hard enough to make him flinch.

Punched him right in the back and Derek spun around and slapped him.

Nicky's body went flying and I threw myself forward trying to catch him but Derek grabbed my hair and yanked me back.

I felt like I watched the whole thing happen and was powerless to stop it.

Like I was floating above the scene as Nicky looked at me from the floor and put his hand to his face as it began to swell up.

There was no hiding it now.

Derek saw what he had done.

He saw how he had injured his precious boy and he did what any coward would do.

He ran.

* * *

Gigi looked at me as I picked up my son from the floor.

_"I'm calling her." _She said with a determined look in her eyes.

Gone was the nervous wreck that she had been when I met her.

How much had she seen?

Nicky whimpered as I put the forgotten ice pack to his bruised cheek but I just rubbed his arm and tried to smile.

Tried to show him that I was going to be here for him.

That I would be everything that Derek wasn't and more.

His eyes looked like two big black coals as he looked at me with so much hurt.

Way too much hurt for someone so young.

Derek had turned on him.

And he was seeing it...

* * *

_"It's going to be okay. I'm going to make sure that he doesn't hurt us ever again."_

_"Promise?" _He asked with a shaky voice.

_"I promise...but can you promise me something?"_

He looked at me and nodded slowly.

_"Okay."_

I brushed his hair from his face and bent until we were eye to eye.

_"Never, ever get between me and your father again."_

He shook his head.

_"I'm sorry, Mommy...but I can't do that. I'm a man, I have to protect you. It's my job. You protect me and I protect you."_

My heart ached from all the heavy emotions.

What was I supposed to say to that?

* * *

_**A/N: Emotions are running high.** _


	9. Keep Me

_**A/N: Posting three chapters today...this is the second! :)**_

* * *

**Keep Me (The Black Keys)**

* * *

**Santana's POV**

* * *

_"What are you thinking about, San?"_

I sat at the vanity in our bedroom early that morning, brushing through my massive tangles left over from an insane night of passion.

My body was still buzzing and so I was doing everything that I could to keep my hands busy.

To make matters worse, my mind had been drifting since I crawled out of bed a few hours ago.

Halfway between one personality and another.

But I was still in control.

That's just how I needed to be these days...so I just stayed busy and tried to push heavy thoughts away.

So far I had put a load of laundry in the washer, sterilized the baby's bottles and showered.

My mind though, still wasn't cooperating.

* * *

Quinn had slept through all of my moving around and I had been thankful for it.

She would have seen the disconnect.

And even though I was faithful in taking my medicine, sometimes I felt so stupid.

Like I couldn't get my mind to focus on certain things and so I was putting it off today.

Just for a little while.

Unfortunately...my mind didn't know how to work without them anymore because now, I sat trapped in thought and was finding it hard to get my constant stream of thoughts to stop.

I had been about to get up and take my medicine but then Quinn was awake and I didn't want to seem neglectful.

Maybe I would just let her think that I took them and then take them later before getting Ali.

She was watching me as I formed a plan and normally she would have called me on it...but instead...her asking me about my thoughts was her giving me a chance.

And I could have taken it.

I could have done things the proper way but I couldn't.

And I didn't know why.

* * *

I smiled at her as she laid there, looking like she had been the one that had been thoroughly fucked all night long.

She had a smug smile on her lips and her hair was sticking out at different angles.

I loved to stare at her and admire how she was still painfully beautiful.

And I silently thanked God that she was mine.

But then something floated through me.

And I knew that a lie was coming from my lips...but I couldn't stop it.

I felt guilty as I looked at her and then back at my reflection.

_"I was thinking about Britt."_ I finally admitted before moving the brush through my hair again, her face fell and I knew that I had successfully thrown her off my trail.

_"Oh." _She said and my guilt just got bigger.

That wasn't how I wanted her to be.

But now she was looking like her world had fallen apart.

She shifted off the bed and began to strip out of the clothes that she had fallen asleep in.

Her mood was immediately shattered by my diversion and now it was too late to fix it.

Our night had been amazing but it was time to acknowledge the real world again.

Time to get back to our lives.

* * *

_"Are you mad?"_ I asked as I watched her reflection in my mirror.

_"A little but not at you."_ She muttered as she sat on the edge of the bed and looked at me.

_"At yourself?"_ I asked, even though I already knew the answer just from the look in her eyes.

_"I think that I knew about the abuse...and in the moment that I figured it out...I chose to ignore it."_

Her head dropped as I swung around in my chair and stared at her in disbelief.

I was trying not be to be angry.

But suddenly, I was forgetting why I had brought up Brittany.

Now I wanted to explode.

I couldn't though...because she would know.

So, I schooled my face and tried to seem calm...

But I was failing miserably.

Was she serious?

Had she known?

* * *

_"What do you mean by that, Q?"_ I finally snapped, giving up trying to appear anything but what I was.

She shrugged and I felt the irritation move through me.

She looked up at me and rolled her watery green eyes.

She was feeling insanely guilty and so was I.

But she had more to atone for than me.

I hadn't kept something like this from her.

How could she do this to me?

To Britt?

To those boys?

* * *

_"It was just after Ali was born, I called Britt to ask her opinion about something baby related and Nicky answered her phone. He told me that he had to check to see if she could talk. That she hurt her head and was getting ice."_

She wiped at her eyes.

_"Ice? For her head and you thought that was something normal? Britt is the most coordinated person that we know...it's why she was a Cheerio...she doesn't fall or stumble...it's super rare. You know that!"_

I felt my face scrunching up and she just shrugged again.

And that added to my irritation.

I gripped at my hair and let out a strangled scream.

Q looked at me with raised eyebrows before looking away from me.

_"I'm sorry okay...look I asked him to have her call me back. But then I heard her in the background, she was whimpering and apologizing for something before I heard a thud. Then I heard Derek grumble and Nicky got nervous and whispered a quick bye before he hung up. That should have been it...but I just...didn't think about it anymore once I hung up."_

_"What?!"_ I said feeling my hand gripping hard on the handle of the brush.

I was resisting the urge to hurl it straight at her head.

Her eyes trailed towards the brush and then back at me.

Violent feelings surged through me and tears stung the corners of my eyes.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

My stomach was churning with disgust and disbelief.

* * *

_"I don't know why I didn't think to connect the dots. It's just that I have broken bread with Derek...I've laughed with him. I have seen how sweet and attentive he is with her. Never would I have thought that he was beating his family."_

My jaw wouldn't close as I pointed the brush at her with a shaking hand.

Was I over reacting?

Fuck no!

_"You of all people...you have lived that life, Q...how were there no fucking red flags for you? Russell was the same way with you and Fran in public...but then he had you coughing up blood at home, how did you not see the signs?"_ I snapped at her again.

She nodded and then got to her feet.

But that wasn't good enough.

I knew that I wasn't helping her guilt but really I didn't give a shit at the moment.

_"I fucked up...it's why I'm going to do everything that I can to make sure that nothing else happens to her. Calm down, San...please?"_

She came to me and put a hand on my shoulder but I immediately shrugged her off.

_"Don't...I can't even look at you right now...let alone let you touch me."_

Her hand recoiled and she let out a sob before turning her back.

I watched her shoulders shake as she made her way into her closet...

She was going off to cry and I let her.

It was harsh but I couldn't help how I felt in that moment.

* * *

Ali was almost six months old and in all this time, Quinn had a million opportunities to say something.

_"San..."_

I looked up at her as she came out the closet and tossed clothes onto the bed.

It was a Saturday but she was still headed to work.

Obviously, she was going to fix this...but I couldn't control the emotions in me anymore.

Snix was here now...pushing me backwards...fighting for control.

We were sharing a look and both of us felt betrayed.

Q went to touch me again but this time, I jumped to my feet and attempted to storm past her.

But then I felt her hand come around my arm a second later in an iron grip and I had no choice but to stop.

And then the complete split happened.

* * *

_"I swear to God, if you don't let me go...you will fucking regret it."_

Her eyes squinted and tears dripped down her cheeks as Snix threatened her.

We were staring each other down and she was nodding in understanding.

Seeing what I had been trying to hide from her all along.

But that didn't matter to me.

Not anymore.

_"San...please don't do this...you know that the doctor said that you can't be around Ali like this...why don't you go take your meds, baby...please?"_

_"Don't you think that I know what not to do?"_ I yelled at her before storming out of the room and slamming the door.

My emotions were on high and I was trying to breathe through them.

Snix was settling down and I was able to step forward again...but I still felt off.

* * *

I didn't see Q again as I walked right out the door and hailed a cab.

As I sat in the cab, I tried to think over the conversation.

I analyzed everything and I saw how big of an ass I was being.

But she had been wrong too.

She saw me breaking down and she continued to tell me what she had done.

Continued to increase my ire instead of helping me stay level.

It wasn't us not communicating for once, it was over communicating...over simplifying.

But it was done.

And my guilt was back.

Right now, I just needed her to fix this...to help Britt and to not be so fucking selfish.

And I know that I was being irrational...but sometimes I just don't get why she has to be so fucking secretive!

I'm her wife for goodness sake!

* * *

See what I mean about manipulative?

I got to Papi's house, excited to see my little munchkin and he stopped me at the door.

_"Papi, what's up?" _

_"Dios te bendiga._" He said as he looked me over.

_"Bendicion."_ I leaned in and kissed his cheek but he still didn't move.

Instead, he looked at me with a cocked eyebrow.

_"Did you take your medicine, Santana?"_ He asked with a cold look in his eyes.

I rolled my eyes, knowing that Quinn had called him.

She had snitched me out...

But I deserved it.

She was putting our daughter first...which I seemed to forget.

* * *

_"No."_ I said without dropping my head. _"I haven't."_

_"Take them."_

_"I will...can I go inside first?"_

I looked around at the busy street but still he wouldn't move to let me pass him.

_"You know the rules...and because of a spat with your wife, you were willing to break them."_

Suddenly, I was the one feeling selfish.

I heard the baby crying and I felt a throb in my boobs.

She was hungry and my body knew it.

I looked up at my father and then nodded as I dug out my little pill keeper thingy that Q had bought me.

Ready to fix my mistake like I wanted Quinn to do.

I needed to practice what I preached.

* * *

Papi actually stood there while I slipped the pills in my mouth and then he waited with me while they kicked in...

For a whole twenty minutes.

Ali was making that grunting noise that she does when she's eating and so I knew that Tish was taking care of her needs.

But that should be me.

I was grateful though...that it wasn't.

Over and over, I have said to my family and promised my wife that I would always put my daughter first.

That I would never jeopardize her.

And that I would do everything in my power to make sure that my illness didn't affect her.

I wasn't angry anymore as the timer on Papi's watch went off.

He held his arms open to me and I fell into them.

I let him hold me there and I found myself comforted and clear headed.

_"Gracias, Papi."_ I mumbled against his chest.

_"Don't do that again...entiendes?"_

_"Yes, Papi."_

_"Good...now go see your little girl."_

_"Oh thank God!"_

* * *

_"Hey, I'm better now...thank you for looking out for me."_ I said quietly as I brushed my fingers over a soft cheek._  
_

_"Always."_

_"I know."_

_"Please don't be mad at me San...I fucked up and I'm working on fixing it...just...we are doing so well an-" _

Ali smiled in her sleep and I couldn't help but smiling too.

_"Q...baby, breathe."_ I said quietly, not wanting to disturb my daughter as she drooled against my shirt.

I heard Q take a deep breath and then let out a big whoosh in my ear.

_"It's just...I don't...please?"_ She said.

_"I'm not going to lie...I'm upset that you didn't say something to me about what you heard...but I'm not mad at you. Part of me exploding was me being trapped between me and Snix. I messed up too. But you know what...something amazing happened too."_

_"What?"_

_"When I got here and saw that even with the way I stormed out of the house, you still called to make sure that I took my medicine. I knew that you were worried...that even with me being like that...you still cared. You had an oversight. But you realize it and who knows maybe she would have chosen to stay with him. She needs us now and despite everything...we are going to help her. You are going to help her and really, baby love, that's all that I can ask for."_

* * *

_"Yea?"_

_"Well...maybe one more thing?"_

_"Okay...shoot."_

_"Can you forgive me for acting like an A-S-S."_ I said with a smile.

_"Are you really spelling that word out?" _She laughed._  
_

_"If she is going to be the first Latina president, she can't have a foul mouth like her Mami...now can she?"_

_"Oh San...baby never change."_

_"Only for the better...I promise and if you want me on my knees again...well all you have to do is ask." _I said with a growl._  
_

_"But sex talk is okay?" _She laughed and I chuckled._  
_

_"She's asleep."_

_"You realize that makes no sense right?"_

_"Shhh...I'm trying to apologize here." _

She let out a giggle and then I could practically hear her rolling her eyes.

_"Okay...go ahead."_

_"I'm really sorry for not doing what I was supposed to do and trying to hide it from you. I bring up the knees only because...well...last night was like an atonement for me slipping up and...so if you want too...it's okay...I feel bad about how things ended up this morning, about how I acted...especially since, last night was so magical, so cleansing and super wanky."_

_"Mmm, don't I know it. I'll think about it."_ She purred and I felt a tremble race through me but then I heard someone call her name and she paused._ "You have got to be shitting me!." _

I could hear her shuffling around and then I heard her gasp.

_"Q...baby what is it?"_

_"San...ask Tish if she can watch the baby a little longer. I think that you should get down here...bring your dad...we might need a doctor."_

* * *

_**A/N: Keep them real...That's my promise!**  
_


	10. Call It What You Want

_**A/N: Back and forth I went with this chapter. I want this story to be lighter but there is this dark element that is necessary to get out because I like to be realistic. This sequel is a story about the trinity and as such...it can't be all fluff. But I'm trying my very best! **_

_**So, how am I doing?**_

_**-A**_

* * *

**Call It What You Want (Foster The People)**_**  
**_

* * *

**Brittany's POV**

* * *

_"What do you want?"  
_

_"To talk to my son."_

_"He's asleep. It took me hours to get him to stop crying after what you did."_

_"That was an accident."_

_"Call it what you want, I'm going to the cops and I'm getting a lawyer. I'm not going to let this happen again."_

_"If you go to the cops, you'll be sorry."_

_"I can't be anymore sorry than I already am, Derek."_

_"We'll see about that."_

The phone clicked in my ear and I had the urge to throw my phone across the room but I resisted.

* * *

Gigi sat across the table from me and rubbed my hand.

_"What did he want?"_

_"What else...to talk to Nicky and probably try to explain himself. I can't let that happen...Derek is so convincing and he will get Nicky to forgive him. This happens every time."_

Her eyebrows went up and her eyes got big.

_"You mean this wasn't the first time that he hurt him like that?"_

_"It's never been this bad...but yea...it's not the first time."_

_"Brittany, you should call the cops...like now. I know that Quinn isn't answering her phone but maybe the cops should be involved sooner rather later. Don't you think?"_

_"I want to let him sleep. When I left Derek, I took the kids to a shelter and then I ended up camping outside of my friend's apartment not knowing that she was out of town. The kids just really need a good night of sleep...especially Nicky."_

_"I understand."_

_"Do you?"_

_"I know I'm a nervous wreck most of the time and incredibly anxious but I think that I can agree that maybe waiting just for the next few hours isn't such a bad thing. Maybe you should get some rest too."_

_"Yea...maybe for a little bit."_

A big part of me had been afraid to go to sleep but I knew that I needed it too...if not for me then for the baby.

* * *

My plans had to change.

When I woke up in the morning, Nicky refused to move.

He just laid there crying into the pillow.

I didn't force him to get up...the cops and Quinn were just going to have to come to me.

His eye was swollen shut and his skin was all black and purple, so if he wanted to lay there...then I was going to let him.

And Zack, my sweet baby boy was being the best brother in the world.

He refused to leave Nicky's side.

I sat on the edge of the bed holding the ice on his face and watched as Zack laid next to him and sang to him.

After awhile with the mixture of his tears and the singing, Nicky was able to fall back asleep.

I was grateful for that because I knew he wasn't in as much pain while he slept.

Thankfully.

* * *

I heard her come into the apartment but I didn't bother moving from my son.

Even with him asleep, he was still whimpering and making faces.

My hope was that it wasn't anything more serious than a bruise.

When Quinn came into the room, I saw that she was on the phone but then she mumbled into it and hung up.

_"Have you talked to the cops yet?" _

_"Um...not yet. I was going to go there this morning but he was in so much pain, I didn't want to move him."_

_"Santana and her dad are on the way...he can tell us if you need to go to the hospital. I will have Gigi call the cops."_

_"Thanks."_

_"What about you...are you hurt?"_ She asked as her eyes looked me over.

I shrugged and refocused on Nicky.

He was still whimpering and I was starting to get nervous.

_"I'm doing better than him...he's all that I'm worried about."_

_"Let me see your arms."_ She said as she continued to stare.

I didn't want to do anything right now but take care of Nicky but I knew that Quinn was doing her best to help me and I had to cooperate.

So, I got off the bed after making sure that there was a pillow behind Zack who was still singing to Nicky and rubbing his hand.

Quinn watched with wide eyes as I lifted up the sleeves of my shirt.

I had dark purple bruises around my upper arms from where Derek had grabbed me and now that I was paying them attention, I could feel the dull throbbing from them.

So much for ignoring my own pain.

Good job, Derek.

* * *

When I left home, I didn't expect to have to deal with abuse anymore.

But now as I sit here in the hospital, watching them put a patch over my son's eye and seeing the pain that he has to go through, I'm reminded of just why I left.

Thanks to Quinn, I was able to get the protection order against him and temporary custody of Nicky was handed back over to me.

And so even though, it ached to see how badly my son was hurt and that Derek was already denying our unborn child on top of ignoring Zack, I knew that with my friends back in my life...I was going to be okay.

I may have burned bridges at home with my family and with most of my friends...but I still had people who were still there for me.

Even if Derek told me differently.

And even if I stupidly believed that he was right...Santana and Quinn had my back and that was way more than I could ask for.

I was going to survive this...

My children meant the world to me and for them, I was going to swallow my pride and fear and fight for them.

Nicky had gotten caught up in the crossfire and now Derek was going to pay for hurting him.

Quinn had been afraid that I would be tempted to go back to my husband and maybe I would have...but then he reminded me of why I left.

And that is a blessing all by itself.

* * *

**_A/N: I worked hard on this chapter...accept it with love. Fun times are on the way! _**


	11. Jump

**_A/N: For one of the first times...I'm stuck on where I'm going...so bear with me...because that usually begets calamity! _**

**_God help us!_**

**_I don't know what kind of ride this is...but I can guarantee it will be interesting!_**

**_-A_**

* * *

**Jump (Madonna)**

* * *

**Santana's POV**

* * *

The call came late on Saturday afternoon and I almost didn't answer the phone.

I had just finished getting poop on my shirt after not closing a diaper completely and I was trying not to get nauseous.

Thankfully, it had been a ratty old shirt and not one of my designer ones.

Ali was smiling at me as I pulled my shirt off and tossed it to the side.

_"That wasn't funny._" I said as I scrunched up my face and stuck out my tongue.

She giggled and reached out for my face and so I leaned in and let her slobber on my cheek for a moment.

That's when the phone rang.

I groaned as I put one hand on the baby, who was just starting to master rolling and used the other to reach for the phone on the nightstand.

_"Unknown number..."_ I looked at my daughter who was practicing her spit bubbles and rolled my eyes. _"Should I answer it?"_

She didn't offer any help...obviously and so I just went ahead and answered it.

And I'm really glad that I did.

* * *

_"Hello?"_ I said as I picked up Ali and rocked her against my chest.

_"Is this Santana Lopez?"_

_"Speaking...who's this?"_ I asked a little confused at the gruff sound on the other end.

_"My name is Stu Obrigo, I got your number from a friend of mine. She tells me that you have a voice that's out of this world and that I really should give you a call."_

_"Um...okay?"_

Ali started babbling in my ear and I rubbed her back as I began to pace in my bedroom.

_"Is now a good time?"_

_"Tell me what this is about exactly and I can tell you if it's a good time."_

He laughed and I couldn't help but smile a little.

_"Well for starters...I got your number from Alessandra Suarez...you worked at the radio station together..."_

I racked my brain and then a bush of brown hair and big hipster glasses came to mind.

Alessandra had been the person who took over for me when I was in L.A. and we worked together for only a few months but in those few months, we had gotten kind of close.

So far he didn't seem completely creepy.

* * *

_"Right...Lessa...and how do you know her exactly?"_

_"She is my god sister. She's here in New York now, she's a hostess at Triage Nightclub."_

_"Never heard of it...I've been out of the country for the last few years."_

_"Right...I heard about that which is probably why you are wondering why I had the balls to even call you."_

_"I am."_

_"Well...I have a band and I have been the front man since the beginning and we got offered a meeting with a record executive after a gig at Triage two nights ago."_

_"Congratulations."_

_"Thanks...I'm kind of nervous about it."_

_"If you got this far...you have a pretty good chance of being signed, but that's when the real work begins."_

_"No pressure?" _He laughed nervously.

_"Oh definite pressure."_

_"Exciting...so...um...where was I?"_

_"You were doing your pitch."_

_"Right! So, our band has everything...we kind of pick up a bit of the edgy, Latin American vibe. Everyone keeps saying that we need a female in the group and I have completely been against it."_

_"Okay...and now you changed your mind?"_

_"Lessa, as you know, is really amazing when it comes to having an ear for music. I trust her and when we did our gig, she suggested that I call you. She told me about all that trouble in L.A. and how you are edgy and insanely talented. I'm not sure how interested you might be but if you are interested, even just curious...maybe you could come down and see us play tonight?"_

_"Tonight? Um...I need to check with my wife...just shoot me a text with the address and we will see...okay?"_

_"Great...I hope to see you then."_

* * *

_"Hey...you're back. I didn't expect to see you again today." _

_"Can I come in?"_

Papi smiled and let me in after kissing my cheek.

I rushed into his living room and rested the car seat on the floor before sitting down.

Ali was fast asleep and so I just decided not to bother her by taking her out.

_"What's wrong?" _Papi asked as he sat across from me.

_"Nothing is wrong...well...something is up but nothing is wrong...at least...not that I know of?"_ I said in one rushed breath.

He smiled at me and then raised his eyebrow.

_"Mi'ja...start from the beginning and we can talk through whatever has you back here."_

_"What do you think about me singing again?"_

_"Like professionally?" _He asked, looking a bit nervous.

_"Yes...now that I'm on medication and I have a better control on things...what do you think?"_

_"Is there a reason for this line of questioning or are you trying to give an old man a heart attack?"_

* * *

I rolled my eyes as he playfully put his hand on his chest.

_"Papi don't joke about that...you are all I have left." _

_"Lo siento, amor. I just worry about you, even when you are sitting right in front of me looking healthy and happy."_

_"That's silly, Papi."_

_"Call it what you want, I'm your father...it's my job. You'll see...Ali will get bigger and you will find yourself worrying all the time."_

_"Then why don't you ever stop me from things if I worry you so much?"_

_"Because you would resent me for it. You have to make your own mistakes, mija...that's life."_

_"Do you think me going into the music business again is a mistake?"_

_"It doesn't matter what I think...what do you think?"_

* * *

Papi had given me some serious food for thought after I explained the whole situation to him.

He asked me how I would deal with being a new mom and being in the band.

And then he asked how I would deal with Snix and Quinn and now Brittany.

I couldn't really answer him but I definitely knew that I needed to figure some of this out and there was only one person who I wanted to figure it out with.

Papi insisted on me leaving the baby with him just in case I decided that I was going to the club and so after leaving my baby for yet another night...I headed back home.

I knew that Quinn would support me in whatever I did but I also knew that she tended to see things more logically than I did.

Either way, there was no way that I was going to make a decision this big without her.

* * *

**_A/N: So...I don't think that I can hold back anymore. I have been trying to be lighter and it just doesn't feel right. More to come...just maybe a little different. _**


	12. Let's Go!

**_A/N: Are you ready? Because I am._**

**_Enjoy!_**

* * *

**Let's Go! (Calvin Harris feat. Neyo)**

* * *

**Quinn's POV**

* * *

_"And you're sure this is what you want?"_

_"I'm positive."_

_"Even though he knows where you are?"_

_"He won't come back here, Quinn. You should have seen him. He fucked up and he isn't going to come back here. I know my husband."_

_"I'm sure you do but you will call me the moment that he does show up...if he decides to get bold...right? No waiting like last night...promise me, Brittany."_

She smiled and then pulled me into a tight hug.

Her head rested on my shoulder and her baby bump rested against my stomach.

I held her there and could feel the slight trembling in her.

She had come so far from where she had been.

_"I promise, Q."_

_"Good...I'm proud of you, Britt...I'm happy that you got not only yourself but the kids out of that situation."_

_"Thank you...that means a lot to me."_

I took a step back and could see the doubt in her eyes and so I smiled and wiped at the tears that were starting to come down.

_"Hey...you're a good mom, B. Don't let anyone tell you any different. I'm so proud of who you are and I think those kids are so blessed to have you as their mom."_

_"Yea?" _

She smiled through her tears and I pulled her against me again.

I rubbed her back and felt her relax against me.

Even mother's need to be mothered sometimes.

And if that is what it took for her to stop trying to stand up to Derek on her own...then I had no problem stepping into that roll.

_"Absolutely, B. Just keep being true to who you are and let the rest go. You are so much bigger and better than him. Trust me."_

* * *

I was absolutely exhausted by the time that I got home sometime around eight that night.

Talk about emotional upheaval.

Progress though, had been made and I was definitely happy about that.

Even though I just wanted to curl into a ball under my covers and sleep for a week...

But as I climbed out of the cab and walked up the steps to our front door,

I geared myself up for dealing with a fussy baby or whatever was waiting for me.

I plastered on that old Fabray smile and tried my best to put myself back in the place of being an amazing wife and mom.

That was where I needed to be in my mind and in my heart...

No matter what.

Santana and Ali came first...always.

* * *

Needless to say, I was pleasantly surprised when I opened the door and San was sitting on the couch curled up in her sweats, laughing obnoxiously while watching some reality show.

_"Hey."_ I said as I stepped in front of the tv.

_"Q!"_ She said with a huge smile and then jumped to her feet. _"I'm so glad you're home baby!"_

The moment that I was wrapped in her arms, I knew that I wanted to stay there forever.

Her kisses brought me back to myself and her touch soothed away all the aches and tension that had consumed me throughout the day.

It was like manna from heaven.

I know...dramatic...but after the kind of day that I had...it wasn't too far from the truth.

_"Me too baby love, me too."_ I whispered as I buried my nose against her neck.

If the idea of home has a smell, Santana's neck is where that smell lives.

Everything about her in that moment made me realize even more, that this was all that I could ever really want.

I sighed as she held me firmly and rubbed my back, much like I had done for Britt earlier.

I relaxed against her and let her continue to soothe away my day.

The moment she pulled away, I felt lost a little bit but then she was pulling me down onto the couch with her and we were cuddling.

If this was what the rest of the weekend looked like, I was not going to complain.

After today, I earned it.

* * *

I had started to drift off into sleep against my wife when she began to stroke my side.

But then I put my arm around her and noticed how she was anxiously beginning to rock.

When I looked up at her, I could see her biting her lip as she stared blankly at the television.

_"San?"_

_"Hmm?"_

_"What's going on?"_

_"I don't know what you mean."_

That's when I sat up.

Of course something was up...she never watched tv in the living room.

And the house was way too quiet...there was no baby monitor and then suddenly, I was wide awake.

She was looking at me out of the corner of her eye but was pretending to be really into the show.

But she wasn't fooling me...she never really could, so I turned her face and looked into her eyes.

No Snix.

So what the heck was up?

* * *

_"Are you excited?"_ I asked as we stepped out of the cab in front of the club.

My wife had spilled everything out to me and I told her that there was no harm in going out.

I told her that we deserved it...that she deserved it and that I wasn't going to let her just turn this down without some serious investigation and thought.

She should be excited that after them hearing about L.A. that the band was still interested.

I mean...seriously, she had shot three people...Snix or not I don't even know if I would take that on if I was them...

But they wanted her...without even knowing her.

That is a blessing all by itself.

She gripped my hand and smiled at me.

Pride filled me and I smiled back.

I could see her confidence shining through as she rocked out in her four-inch heels for the first time since she had the baby.

She looked insanely hot and if you didn't know she had just given birth less than a year ago, you wouldn't be able to tell.

Just looking at her like this made me want to have a repeat of the night before.

I was insanely excited about tonight...and seeing her like this just made it even more amazing.

We hadn't really been out anywhere in a year and so for us...this was our first real date in forever.

The last time that we had been to a club was in San Francisco back when she was first starting to split and change-up on me.

I had mixed feelings about her fronting a band but I knew that I had to push her to consider this the same way that she had made me promise to go back to school.

Practicing law was my dream and even though it was stressing me the hell out, it was my dream and I was happy.

So now it was her turn.

No excuses.

* * *

**Santana's POV**

* * *

I had no idea what to expect when I stepped into that club.

The music was pumping through the speakers but there was no band up...just a DJ.

Quinn held my hand and pulled me towards the bar excitedly.

Since I was nursing the baby and because I was still generally living the sober life, I got water but I told Quinn that she could get whatever she wanted and I didn't mind.

And so she smiled at me and got a shot of some sweet rum and a glass of red wine.

We found a table near the stage and managed to sit far enough that we weren't on each others laps...but close enough that we could still comfortably hear each other.

I sat there in the booth, rubbing my sweaty palms on my jeans and trying my best to smile.

But my boobs hurt and the mixture of smells in the club had me nauseous.

And then Q casually put her hand on my arm and rubbed for just a second before taking a sip of her wine.

Even though it seemed random, when I looked at her, I could see her staring at me with that glint in her eyes.

She was trying to distract me from my anxiety.

When had I become like this?

What happened to go with the flow Santana?

Thank God for a hot wife like mine.

* * *

_"So tell me about your day."_ She said with a smirk.

_"Compared to your day...it's nothing."_

She shook her head and leaned in, the smell of wine calming my nerves as she raised her eyebrow.

_"Never sell yourself short San...I want to know about everything because to me...it's more important than anything."_

_"Umm...okay."_ I whispered.

I couldn't help my blush as I dipped my head and took a sip of my water.

Her hand made its way across my arm and onto my back.

I shivered when her fingers traveled under my shirt and rubbed the lines of my cross tattoo.

_"Have faith baby love...someday you will see yourself like I do and then there will be no stopping you."_

My mind was gone as her fingers dipped below my jeans and thong and squeezed my bare ass cheek.

I shifted away a little and then shook my head.

_"Someone will see us."_ I said feeling shy.

_"Let them watch."_ She growled in my ear. _"I know that you want me...after last night...and the way that you were screaming my name...I know that your panties are completely soaked. Tell me that they aren't soaked, San."_ She growled.

_"I can't."_ I whispered.

She sucked on the shell of my ear and then pulled away with a giant grin.

_"Still feeling nervous?"_ She asked as the DJ ended his set.

_"About what?"_ I asked as I rubbed my thighs together.

She snickered and then patted my thigh before excusing herself to the bar for a refill.

I watched as she swung her hips and how people were checking her out as she made her way to the bar.

And then I couldn't hold back a groan when she glanced back at me and winked.

The band was next and all that I could think about was the way that my wife had clouded my mind with sex.

I squirmed again and looked towards the stage, trying my best to ignore just how wet I was.

God, the things that she does to me!

* * *

**_A/N: Does it feel any different?_**


	13. Alone Together

_**A/N: Lucky 13...Mmmhmmm... ;)**_

* * *

**Alone Together (Fall Out Boy)**

* * *

**Quinn's POV**

* * *

When I got back to the table after ordering two glasses of wine.

One for me and one for her.

Don't judge me.

I have done my research and one glass of won't be bad for her or Ali.

We wouldn't see the baby until the alcohol was out of her system anyway.

Happy that I wouldn't be drinking alone, I scooted into the booth and slid her glass to her.

She looked at me wide-eyed and then shook her head.

_"Q...I can't...the baby." _

_"You aren't going to nurse her until tomorrow...it will be out of your milk by then."_

Her eyebrows went up as she looked at the wine and then at me.

_"Are you sure?"_

_"I would never put you or Ali in danger...it will just help you relax."_

_"I am relaxed."_

Bullshit.

_"Sure...that's why you are crossing your arms over yourself like that?"_

She looked down at her arms and then at the wine again.

My point had been made.

_"Fine...but just this glass. I don't want to over do it."_ She said before taking a small sip.

Even though she was trying to hide it...I could see the delight in her eyes.

She wasn't fooling anyone.

My wife still liked her wine.

* * *

After a few tiny sips, she got bold and was taking bigger ones.

Even though she still hadn't drunk half of the glass...she seemed to mellow out.

Content that she was feeling better, I rested my head on her shoulder just as the band came onto the stage.

I expected her to tense up but she just leaned her head on mine.

_"Thank you for making me come...no matter what happens...at least I came."_ She said before kissing my head.

_"Wanky."_ I whispered back.

_"Mmmmhmmm...you got that right."_

Her attempt to flirt was off the mark but I didn't really care because the anxiety was gone.

For that bit of time, my wife was back to herself and that was a turn on all in its own.

* * *

The moment that I saw the guy with his guitar climb up onto a stool and look into the crowd...I was hooked.

He just looked like he knew what he was about to do and like we should be screaming in excitement.

And then his deep voice spoke into the mic.

_"Thanks for coming out tonight...I'm Kayo and that man on the drums is Blitz...and this guy over here...on the bass is Stu...we are Serial Mishap...enjoy the show!"_

San clapped along with everyone else and then put on her business face.

It was the face that she had back in San Francisco when she was at the station.

This was work mode for her.

* * *

At first, she looked skeptical but then Kayo opened his mouth and I swooned.

I was always a sucker for deeper and raspier voices.

Santana included!

Besides, I didn't want to like fuck him or anything but I swear that I had goosebumps as he belted out this really deep sound.

The song started out slow and melodic, almost like a lullaby and then just as you were at the point where you were going to cry...it changed course.

It rocked out...and I knew that I was absolutely in love with this band.

But no matter what I thought...the ultimate decision was up to Santana.

And from the way that she was smiling...I could tell that she was imagining herself up there with them.

Her dream was right in front of her...all she had to do was reach out and grab it.

* * *

**Santana's POV**

* * *

I could see why they were going to get signed.

Everything about their sound was unique and breathtaking.

From that first note of Kayo's voice, I was in love.

And I knew from a look around the club and at my wife, that they had that quality that makes superstars.

It's not a common thing...

The probability of our old glee club having that many good singers all at once, was an enigma.

That's just not how things usually work.

No way on Earth that a little town like Lima, Ohio, had that much talent but then...sometimes all the stars align and magic just happens.

No rhyme or reason...just magic.

Back then, I didn't have the music background to fully grasp how blessed I was to be singing with some of the best voices that I had ever heard.

Looking back though, had I not joined glee club...I wouldn't be the same person.

I would never have realized my dreams.

And so while I couldn't stand most of those people anymore, for one reason or another, I was grateful for what I learned in that choir room in Ohio.

You can't teach talent...but you can shape the fuck out of it.

And if you find yourself able to be a part of something like that...something magical...you should never think twice.

I could feel it in my gut.

My next step was there...I just had to take it.

* * *

They finished their set and the DJ came back onto the stage.

A million things were going on around me...dancing, drinking, talking but I was in my head.

Searching for what to do...

Thinking about how to do it and then just as I started to analyze what I already analyzed,

Quinn grabbed my face and violently turned it.

Her lips crashed into mine and without waiting she nibbled on my lip and then gripped my ass again.

I moaned into her mouth and buried my hands in her hair.

When had she smoked?

Had I been dazed that long?

I sucked on her bottom lip and then pulled away feeling dazed again.

_"Fuck."_ I muttered as I looked at her lust filled eyes.

_"Oh we will."_ She whispered before tapping my nose with her finger.

_"Feeling good, baby?"_ I asked as I loosely held onto her hips.

_"Uh-huh._" She said with a big smile._ "Oooooo, looks like we have company!"_ She shrieked, before leaning forward and shaking someone's hand.

I looked up and Serial Mishap was standing in front of me.

* * *

_"Santana?"_ Stu said as he stuck his hand out.

I nodded and then shook his hand.

_"Hey Stu, this is my wife Quinn. Why don't you guys have a seat."_

Quinn sat up and gave her best sober impression and by the end of the night...I would probably be super impressed.

_"Home girl knows how to hang."_

I smiled to myself as_ that_ voice spoke to me.

Snix was finally warming up to Q and I was happy about it.

The alcohol must be wearing down the effects of my medicine.

I pushed my glass in front of Quinn, not wanting to chance a complete split and then folded my hands on the table.

This was a big deal meeting for me and the first that had to do with music is years and I didn't want to fuck it up.

Quinn pushed the glass to the side as well and matched me in my temperament.

I looked at Stu and could just tell from his face that he was a stand up kind of guy.

What did I have to lose?

_"Lets talk business...shall we?"_

They looked nervous but I smiled.

It felt good to be back in my element.

Music was my mistress and I didn't want to quit her.

_"I'll do it." _I said with a smile and I felt my wife tense up next to me._ "What do you_ _think, baby?"_ I asked as I pushed her shaggy hair from her face.

She looked at me and swallowed a few times and then without much warning but a quick stutter of _"I'm going to be sick!"_

Q leaned over and threw up straight into my lap.

Was this some sort of omen?

God, I hope not!

* * *

_**A/N: Yep...ending it there for now. ;) More to come! **  
_


	14. Wildest Moments

_**A/N: Finishing up soon...and then I'm outta here! :) **_

_**Enjoy!**_

_**-A**_

* * *

**Wildest Moments (Jessie Ware)**_**  
**_

* * *

**Quinn's POV**

* * *

Something was terribly wrong.

I had never gotten so sick.

Me vomiting all over Santana's lap wasn't the end of it.

After that, I continued to vomit on the floor of the club bathroom and then on the street.

No cab would take us and so instead of getting on a train, San called her dad.

She was worried.

Years of drinking had never gotten me so bad.

And between emptying my stomach at every chance, I was apologizing.

I didn't remember how things went with the band.

Or if she decided to do it...the last thing that I remember was coming back from the bar.

From there things got blurry.

I didn't remember the ride to San's dad's house or being carried up the stairs.

And I really didn't remember the shower and change of clothes.

Even with everything...the guilt ran through me and I felt like shit.

* * *

I woke up with a splitting headache in the guest room at her dad's house with her sitting next to me bottle feeding the baby.

Her whole body was relaxed as she whispered softly to our little girl.

Seeing her like this always made my heart race.

Aside from the one time that I nursed Beth just after she was born...I never felt that connected to another person.

So even though San was giving her a bottle...I could still see that connection.

Would I have that with Ali?

Or was I too damaged?

My head was pounding and yet I still couldn't push away stupid questions.

I mean...of course my baby is going to love me.

But still...doubt is a tricky thing.

No matter how self assured you are.

* * *

I always had this cold wall put up...even when I didn't want to.

Self-preservation at its worst.

Something built to protect from the bad things but ended up protecting me from everything.

But I pushed past it.

When it came to them, it was like I would find a crack in my walls and was able to slip through.

I wanted so badly to sit up and cradle them both in my arms but my whole body was aching just as badly as my head was.

_"Try not to move too much, Q."_ San looked over at me and gave me a small smile. _"How are you?"_

_"Bad...I don't...um...I don't understand what happened."_

And then her face went blank and cold.

_"Someone drugged you. Papi is convinced and so am I."_

_"Oh."_

She nodded and then turned to look at Ali again.

But she continued to speak in a softer voice.

_"Things could have been much worse...but I'm glad that you are okay." _

_"Me too."_

* * *

**Santana's POV**_  
_

* * *

I was furious.

After dragging her ass to Papi's and getting her in bed...I ended up going back to that club.

Papi had tried to stop me but when he couldn't, he patted me down to make sure that I hadn't touched his guns before driving me to the club himself.

I didn't expect him to come inside with me but he did.

Some of the band was still around...cleaning up and I asked them to wait me out.

My beef was with the bartender.

Of course though, no one had seen anything.

And other than interrogating every fucker that was still at the club...there was nothing that I could do.

Papi though, rubbed my shoulders and told me to finish my business.

* * *

Thankfully, I had gotten a shower before leaving and so I wasn't covered in vomit any more.

Not that I wasn't used to that sort of thing anyway...I do have a baby after all.

_"I'm sorry about what happened earlier...is your wife okay?"_ Stu said as we stood next to the entrance of the club.

Papi was lingering close by but he didn't interrupt.

I could tell that he was watching me closely, especially since I had admitted to him that I had a sip of wine.

_"Yes. She's in good hands currently."_

_"Good...so is this a bad time to talk about where you stand or should we meet up another time?"_

_"No...now is fine. You need to know before anything else that I have a baby at home...she's just shy of six months and my commitment to her is non-negotiable. My wife works full-time and so there will be times that I have to skip out on rehearsal. Will that be a problem?"_

I expected him to give me bullshit but he just smiled and dug his phone from his pocket.

He smiled to himself as he scrolled through and then held up a picture of a little girl and boy smiling.

_"That's Augustin and Destiny...my twins who just turned two. Their mom died in childbirth and so I get it and it shouldn't be a problem."_

I felt myself soften a bit but I still had my guard up...those could be anyone's kids...right?

_"You take care of them all by yourself?"_ I asked as I shot Papi a look.

He shook his head.

_"No...actually my godmother...Lessa's mom takes care of them while I work and while I do stuff with the band. I have a full time job as a financial analyst in Manhattan. I already knew about your little girl and I didn't mind it. The guys don't mind it. Blitz's girl just had a baby a few weeks ago. So we are a family band."_

_"I'm still a little skeptical as you can probably tell...but I have my reasons. That being said...I think that this might be just the way to break back into doing what I love." _

* * *

When I got back to Papi's the baby was fussy and so I took her upstairs and bottle fed her while I waited for my wife to wake up.

I wasn't sure how someone had managed to slip something into her drink but I was pretty sure that she wouldn't be drinking in the foreseeable future.

After putting the baby in her crib, I curled up around my wife and held her close to me.

Her body relaxed and she let out a deep sigh before burying her face against my neck.

_"I'm sorry."_ She mumbled.

_"There is nothing to be sorry about...like I said, I'm just glad that you are okay."_

She snuggled deeper and then threw her leg over mine.

_"What did I do to deserve you, San?"_

_"Mmm...I ask myself the same question all the time...you are super fucking lucky._" I chuckled.

She pulled away and shot me a glare before wincing and ducking her head.

_"It even hurts to move my face!"_ She groaned before putting her face back against my neck.

I trembled when her breath ghosted across my neck.

My body still remembered how she had set me off earlier and it wanted retribution but I needed to calm my hormones.

* * *

I heard her chuckle.

_"What's so funny?"_

_"You are a horn dog."_ She whispered.

_"Your fault."_ I said as I squeezed her tight and then dropped a kiss on her head. _"Now get some sleep so that we can have sex later."_

And just like in the past...she immediately began to snore.

I smiled and kissed her head again before finally closing my eyes.

The night may not have gone the way that I had planned but I was pretty happy with the outcome.

Even if it meant that I went to sleep sexually frustrated.

But I knew that when the time was right...I would only have to ask.

* * *

**_A/N: Quickie bridge chapter...bit of a time jump in the next chapter. Lots of love! :) Thanks for all the adds and faves...glad to know you are out there still! :)_ **


	15. Hurtful

**_A/N: We've time jumped six months..._**

* * *

**Hurtful (Erik Hassle)**

* * *

**Santana's POV**

* * *

_"I still can't believe that the judge ruled in his favor...after everything that he did to her and the boys!"_

_"I stand by what I said earlier, Q...she should not have thrown the fact that she moved on in his face. You know that's what this was about."_

_"I tried to tell her that but she didn't listen to me and now he has all of three of those kids."_

_"That really worries me, Q. I mean the baby is barely a month old...how is he going to take care of the baby and those boys without losing his temper?"_

_"His fucking mother and sister moved in with him. They say that they are going to stay for as long as it takes...whatever the fuck that means."_

_"How's Britt taking it?"_

_"She's not talking...the judge gave him full custody and she just stormed out of the courtroom. Gigi doesn't even know where she went. She's not answering our calls either."_

_"You don't think that she's going off to get drunk do you?"_

_"No...she has been ordered to provide breast milk for the baby...she can't drink, she knows that."_

_"Wait...so she can't see the baby unless it's supervised but she has to give them all her fucking breast milk? Please tell me that you are going to appeal this bullshit?"_

_"I'm already on it...that is why I'm calling you...to update you and to tell you that I'm going to stick around here for a bit and see how to go about changing the court's mind. I mean even if it ends up that she gets partial custody, even though I know that's not what she wants, it's really better than nothing."_

_"Wow...okay...good luck baby. I hope that you figure it out. You'll be home in time to go out with Papi and Tish for Ali's birthday dinner right?"_

_"I wouldn't miss it, I'll see you at six."_

* * *

I didn't trust that Britt was just off somewhere safe and as the minutes went by, I got more anxious about where she could be.

When it came to B, I just had a sixth sense about some things and this was definitely something that was throwing up red flags.

And so after two unanswered texts, I called her.

I didn't expect her to answer.

But she surprised me.

_"Yes, San?" _She whispered into the phone.

I could hear a whooshing of air and the sound of cars.

She was outside...that's good, right?

_"B...where are you?"_

_"Um...I'm in Brooklyn." _

And then I heard a horn and someone cursing.

Was she on the bridge?

My anxiety peaked and I was internally freaking out but I had to stay calm.

_"What are you doing, B?"_

_"I don't know." _Her voice broke and then she whimpered before taking a shaky breath.

I was sure that I could hear a boat sound and then more cars.

And then I got scared.

_"Britt...sweetie...tell me what you are doing and where you are exactly...please?"_

I was grabbing my keys and zipping up my jacket before she spoke again.

Please God, don't let her jump.

_"He's...he took...I have nothing left."_ She whispered in a low voice.

_"That's not true...B...please...meet me somewhere. Talk to me about what you feel. Please?"_

_"Um...I...no can do, Santana. I can't talk anymore. Bye Santana." _

And then the line went dead.

_"Britt? Brittany!" _I screamed at the dial tone. _"Oh God! Britt?"_

I was near tears as I pulled the front door open...

And then I realized that I had almost left my daughter home alone, as she began screaming from her high chair.

* * *

_"Shit, Brittany...please just be okay...please?"_

I had Ali on my hip as I made my way to the subway.

She wasn't returning my phone calls and on top of that...both Gigi and Quinn weren't answering.

And so...on my daughter's first birthday...I was traveling to Brooklyn in search of my distraught best friend...hoping to God that she hadn't done something stupid.

I had just waved down a cab when I saw a familiar figure running towards me.

_"Derek?"_

He looked flustered as he stopped in front of me with a crazy expression on his face.

_"Have you heard from Brittany?"_

I was amazed when I looked at him and could actually see tears in his eyes.

But I didn't trust him.

_"Did you hear from Brittany?"_ I asked as I readjusted Ali.

_"She called the house and talked to the kids. Nicky called me crying and told me that he was worried about her. I called her and she apologized for everything and told me that I wouldn't have to worry about her anymore."_

I slapped my hand to my forehead and looked at him.

_"I have to find her. You fucking did this and if something happens to her...you're dead!"_ I snapped as I turned from him and waved down another cab.

_"You really think this is what I wanted?" _I ignored him and waved at a cab that was slowing down and that's when I felt his hand clamp down on my arm. I yelped and then tried to pull away as he gripped tighter. _"Answer me you fucking psycho!"_

He whipped me around and then gripped the same arm that was wrapped around my baby girl and I felt my body turn to ice.

_"Let go of me please."_ I said through gritted teeth and that's when Ali who had been looking back and forth between us began to cry. _"You're scaring her."_

From my peripheral, I could see that the cab driver had slowed down next to us but when he saw the baby with her head thrown back and screaming...he kept driving.

_"Answer me."_ He said again, squeezing my arms tighter.

I used my free hand and pointed my finger at his chest.

_"Listen and hear me well, you dick...she was right to leave you and take your kids. You are a pathetic piece of trash. Now let me go so that I can go clean up the mess you made...again!"_

* * *

We stood toe to toe on the sidewalk as he held tight to my upper arms and refused to let go while my daughter whined against my shoulder.

I rubbed at her back as I waited for this fucker to let me go.

Snix was fighting to come through but I was determined to stand my ground.

Especially, while I was holding Ali.

_"Let her go, Derek." _

_"Britt."_ I grunted out as I tried to push past the pain.

I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding and when I turned my head, Britt was standing there looking pale and withdrawn but very much alive.

She had a big stick in her hands and was gearing up to hit him with it.

Derek's hands loosened but he didn't seem like he was ready to let me go...but at that point I was able to rip my arms away and step back.

He turned towards Britt but didn't move to disarm her.

And so I stepped closer to her while kissing Ali's face.

She seemed to sense that I was calmer because she had stopped making any sounds and instead was trying to hide herself against my neck.

_"Britt put down the stick before someone calls the-"_ And then there were sirens. _"Cops."_ I finished as a car pulled up next to us.

Britt put the stick down and then slipped her arm around my waist.

Apparently, I was visibly shaking as she hugged me tight.

* * *

Karma.

The fresh bruises on my arms and my sob story to the police got Derek arrested.

Most likely on assault charges.

Plus he was openly endangering my child and threatening me.

Knowing Q, once she found out...she was going use this to her advantage.

But really, I was just glad that both me and Ali were okay.

Whether I had shown it or not...

I was actually freaking out inside.

What if Britt hadn't shown up?

A dozen people had passed us on the sidewalk...

Nobody stopped.

But thankfully...Britt's timing had been perfect.

As always.

* * *

I stood with Britt and watched as Derek was put into the cop car and I decided that this was a good time to call my wife.

_"No need to call me...I'm already here."_

When I looked up I could see the concern on her face as she looked me over and then her eyes fell on Ali, who had finally fallen asleep against me.

_"Q."_ I started to come up with some sort of explanation but then Britt let go of my waist and reached out for Ali.

_"Let me hold her while you two talk."_

I shook my head and nodded towards the house.

_"How about we just go inside?"_

_"Good idea."_

Quinn nodded and then led the way to our front door.

What a turn of events this was...

* * *

Once we were in the house, Quinn asked Britt to take the baby to her nursery.

And the moment that Britt had left the room, Quinn turned on me.

Her eyes got cold, her body got stiff and she took on that old head cheerleader persona.

She was pissed.

_"What the fuck, Santana?!"_

I was dumbfounded as I stood there looking at her in shock.

_"Me? What did I do?" _

_"How could you put Ali in danger like that?"_

I laughed in her face and crossed my arms over myself.

Was she fucking serious?

_"Calm your tits, Lucy Q...I did not put our daughter in danger! I never put her down...I didn't let him touch her...she was safe with me...her mother!"_ I snapped.

Her face got even redder as she stepped closer to me.

_"What's that supposed to mean?"_

_"That as her mother, I wouldn't put her in danger."_

_"I don't think that's all you meant, Santana."_

_"Don't put your fucking insecurities about Beth onto me, Lucy."_

Her jaw dropped and immediately I regretted my words.

And I couldn't blame this on Snix...this was all me.

* * *

My head went flying to the side and my cheek stung.

She had slapped me.

And even though I deserved it...it still shocked me.

So, instead of swinging back...hormonal as I still was...my walls came tumbling down.

My lip quivered and I began to cry.

Huge tears and big, loud sobs as she walked away from me.

I slid down to my haunches and cried into my arms.

The world had flipped upside down.

Was Mercury in retrograde?

How had we gotten here?

Had I really put Ali in danger?

And how could I pull out the Beth card?

I rubbed at the swollen flesh on my arms and new tears and sobs came.

My cries were loud as I released everything that I had been holding in since I first called Britt.

The questions were swimming around my head and I couldn't help but fall deeper into myself.

How had I fucked up so bad?

And how the fuck was I supposed to fix it?

* * *

**_A/N: As much as things change...somethings remain the same._**


	16. Take It On Faith

_**A/N: As you might have noticed...music is my drug ****and I literally love it all, so when I heard this song...I like rushed straight here because damn if it didn't make Quinn start talking to me!**_

**_Enjoy my insanity!_**

**_-A_**

* * *

**Take It On Faith (Natalie Maines)**

* * *

**Quinn's POV**

* * *

I lost my head.

With everything that had been going on with Britt and Derek and the abuse between them, I shouldn't have been surprised when she cornered me, the moment that I left Santana on the floor sobbing.

_"Did I just hear you hit her?"_

Had the slap been that hard?

Had it been that loud?

Britt's nostrils flared as she looked at me with dark eyes, waiting for me to admit to my misstep.

I had never seen Brittany mad like this.

She looked like she was going to tear me limb from limb.

I had been in a fog of anger when I walked out of that room and I had felt justified for what I had done...

But when I saw the vicious look in Britt's eyes and felt that the sting of my palm was more like a harsh burn, I realized just what I had done.

_"I guess I did...yea."_ I tried to say with confidence but my shame came out loud and clear in the form of a stutter.

_"Do you make a habit of hitting her when she says things that you don't like because knowing San...that's at least once a day...so, do you?"_

Britt was seriously interrogating me and I wasn't liking it.

I squirmed where I stood and shook my head.

_"No, B. Of course not."_ I said as I tucked my arms against my sides trying to shield myself from her scrutiny. It wasn't working so I just dropped my hands and my head. _"I didn't mean to hit her." _I mumbled._  
_

_"And now you sound like Derek."_ She said before pushing past me and into the living room.

* * *

I turned and watched as she stood a few feet away from my wife and wrung her hands before moving towards her.

I hadn't seen San so broken down...not since California...it was like her spirit was broken.

Maybe I had been expecting Snix to pop out but this was my wife...

She wasn't going to fight me back.

And I had made a serious mistake.

But knowing her...she was taking the blame on herself and years of work and progress in her mental health had just been set back as she internalized her pain.

I wasn't sure if this was something that I could ignore or fix.

All I was sure of was that I had fucked up.

* * *

_"How old are you today? Can you show me?"_

When I had tried to go back and comfort my wife, her cries got louder and so Brittany told me to give her space.

I stood there and asked if that was what San really wanted and she didn't even look at me...she just nodded and then shrugged.

And so I took my cue and decided that I would get Ali ready for her birthday dinner instead.

I just hoped that San would be able to get herself together before her father showed up.

_"One!"_ Ali said as she held up her chubby finger.

I smiled when I saw the spark in her eyes that reminded me so much of Santana.

Aside from the green eyes that she had inherited from the donor that we found that matched me the most...everything else about Ali was San.

The dark curls and the caramel complexion, the dimples and the smile that slayed me every time that I saw it.

She looked at me with so much love in her eyes and I suddenly felt stupid for letting San get to me in the way that she did.

And when I look at it...really she was just responding to being provoked by me.

I had chosen the wrong time to confront her...especially with her being shaken up after her ordeal with Derek.

San hasn't changed...when she feels cornered, she lashes out.

And usually her comments cut deep...I should have known better.

_"One?" _I asked before covering her face in kisses and enjoying the sound of her loud giggle.

_"One!"_ She shrieked again before clapping.

I had to fix this.

I owed it to Ali to keep her Mami in a good place and I had failed her...on her birthday.

Britt had been right...San and I had been married for years now and she loved me with her everything.

Her words stung...but that wasn't the way to react.

I knew better.

* * *

I was amazed at just how well San had pulled herself together.

She wore her hair down around her face in curls and her makeup was flawless.

And even though it was summertime, she had on longer sleeves to cover her bruises.

Even her demeanor had improved.

Of course, most of that had to do with Brittany who was sitting by her side and making silly faces at the baby.

San seemed to laugh genuinely all night long and smile the best that she could.

Her dad didn't even give a hint of knowing what had gone on before he showed up at our house.

But I shouldn't have taken that for his ignorance.

* * *

After an amazing dinner, he dropped Brittany off at Gigi's and Tish at work before he took us home.

Things were quiet as he carried the baby to her room and then helped San put her to bed.

I had gotten comfortable in the kitchen with a glass of wine and was going over my case files when I heard his heavy footsteps followed by rushing bare feet behind him.

When I turned around it was to see him with his arms crossed over his chest and his face, a mask of ice.

He put my glare to shame.

_"I can explain."_ I lamely said the moment that I saw how wide San's eyes were as she stood just behind her father, freshly showered and looking like she had just stared crying again.

He turned towards San pushed her hair from her face.

_"Did you really think that as a doctor...I wouldn't notice how swollen her face is all night? I sat at dinner and just assumed it was the lighting but then she came into the room after her shower and I saw a hand print. Your hand print."_

_"Papi...don't make a big deal out of this." _San pleaded with him.

I was dumbstruck as I stood there watching them argue with each other in Spanish.

And now I was regretting not paying closer attention.

San was waving her arms around and that's when his eyes dropped down to her arms.

_"Did you do this too?" _He said as he took a step towards me.

_"Papi! Stop! Please?" _

San jumped in between us as I stood there...completely frozen.

_"Is that how she has been getting you to be such a demure wife? Is that why Brittany lost her case? Are you beating my daughter?"_

_"Enough! Papi this was Derek...he came here looking for Brittany and he got rough with me. He was arrested!"_

_"Promise me that is how your arms got like this, Santana." _He said as he ran his fingers over her arms.

The bruises looked really bad and black against her skin.

_"I promise."_

He cupped her cheek and turned her head more.

_"That doesn't explain this."_ He said as he looked at me again.

* * *

Despite San trying to fight him on it...he insisted that he take her and Ali home with him for the night.

I watched her as she walked out the door and felt my heart drop.

My fear of being alone is what had fed my insecurities about Beth...

Giving her away and leaving me to be this broken shell...

Santana being Ali's biological mother and me just being a second mother.

I was afraid that I would lose it all.

And so when the door closed, I locked it and then slid down the wood and onto the hardwood floors.

Just like my wife after I had slapped her, I began to cry.

I don't know for how long but I was pretty sure that at least an hour had passed by.

And then just as I was getting myself off the floor...I got a text.

* * *

**Santana's POV  
**

* * *

I was hurt.

But mainly it was my ego.

Papi and I went back to his house and we talked through everything.

And he admitted to reacting a bit too harshly but I knew that it was coming from a good place and so once he was sure that I wasn't a delicate flower...he relaxed.

So with his blessing, I decided to fix things with Q.

My words to her hadn't been nice ones.

I knew her insecurities and I made them worse.

She had no right to put her hands on me but she had every right to feel attacked.

My inner darkness was aching to be set free.

But I couldn't fight with my wife like this.

There was no way that I would be able to sleep with this between us.

I loved her too much.

And so I was determined to make it right.

* * *

Before I did anything though...I was going to take this opportunity to get myself together.

I stood in front of the mirror and brushed my hair back into a high ponytail.

Q had never hit me this hard...and I was pretty sure that was because it was more of a punch than a slap.

Her knuckle print sat just underneath my eye and the bruise wrapped around towards my ear.

I heard a tentative knock on the door and then it cracked open.

My wife walked into the room with her hands tucked in pockets.

I turned to look at her and when her eyes looked at my face, her face fell.

She was realizing just how bad this looked...and she was feeling remorse.

_"I'm so sorry, Santana."_ She said as she took a step closer.

But then I put up my hands and took a step back.

She froze and looked at me, confused and sad.

_"Don't come any closer than that...not until we talk this through...okay?"_

_"But San...you asked me to come here."_

_"I know...it's just...I feel like...I'm going to split off and I just rather you not be so close. Please?"_

She nodded and took a step back.

* * *

I lied.

When I told her that I was going to split, I really just did it because there was this part of me that was still shaken up and I knew that her touch would break that down.

And I didn't want to cry.

I didn't want her to see me like that ever again.

Too vulnerable and pathetic to stand up for myself.

It was self serving but I didn't care.

My pride and my spirit were hurting and I didn't want to give her the chance to make it worse.

_"I just wanted to say to you that I'm sorry about putting Ali in any kind of danger. It wasn't my intention. I love our daughter and I never want any harm to come to her. When I said what I said...it wasn't a dig at you...well...not at first. Really, I was just trying to tell you that as her mom...one of them...I won't let her get hurt, if I can help it. Then it got bad...my words were out of whack and you took it personally. I was an ass to say what I said after that about Beth. I'm really sorry. I love you and I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me."_

She smiled at me and nodded.

_"I forgive you, San."_

_"Thank you."_

I put my hand on my cheek and rubbed at the burning that still sat there.

She stepped forward and I tensed up but she kept walking towards me until her hand was sitting on top of mine.

_"I fucked up."_ She said before dropping her hand and taking a step back._ "I don't expect you to forgive me so easily. Just know that I'm going to do whatever I can to make it better."_

And then out came words that I hadn't been expecting to say.

* * *

_"I forgive you."_

Her eyes got wide as she looked at me with tears in her eyes.

_"Wait...you do?"_

I nodded and smiled after feeling the truth in my words.

_"I do. I am never going to run away from our marriage just because things get bad. That's not how we work. We are tough and flawless bitches, Q. You have slapped me more times than I can count. It doesn't mean that I want it to become a trend. I just know that it came from a place of hurt. I attacked you and you struck back. We were both wrong."_

_"I know."_ She said as she bit her lip.

_"But know that, I will always be willing to talk through things...even when they get like this."_

_"Why?"_

I could see the insecurities sitting there again and this time, I didn't pounce on them.

_"Because I have faith in us and what we have built together." _

_"Oh."_ She said with a small smile.

_"Oh? That's all you have to say? You...the eloquent attorney?"_

_"I was just thinking that you were right...I'm really fucking lucky to have you."_

I smiled and pulled her into a hug and kissed her neck.

_"Damn right...and just know that you are going to prove that to me...from now until this bruise heals."_

_"You don't even have to ask."_

_"Oh don't worry...I'm past asking."_

* * *

_**A/N: Thank you for the love!**  
_


	17. Without Your Love

**A/N: The end is nigh!**

* * *

**Without Your Love (Ellie Goulding)**

* * *

**Brittany's POV**

* * *

I was tired as I climbed the steps towards Gigi's apartment.

My head was hurting and my bones just felt heavy.

Two seconds later and Santana's call would have never been answered.

That's how close I was to jumping off of the Brooklyn Bridge.

She had saved me and then I was there to save her.

Now though, as I make my way back to the empty apartment...I'm feeling close to losing it again.

I left the courtroom without looking back, not wanting to see him leave the room with my children.

That would just hurt too much but now he was arrested and his mom would have to deal with it.

I barely had the key in the lock before the door was flung open and I was being pulled into a tight hug.

* * *

_"Oh my God...Britt, I was so worried!"_

_"I'm okay...just needed air."_

_"Yea...I'm sure you did."_ She said before pulling me into the apartment and shutting the door.

She sat back on the sofa and took a sip from her mug as she looked at me with a big frown.

_"I thought you had class?"_

_"I did...but I told them that I had a family emergency and they let me go."_

_"That was nice but it wasn't really necessary. I'm better now." _

_"Well maybe..." _I stood there leaning against the counter and watched her as her eyes watered up and then I noticed the teddy bear that she was clutching in her hands._ "Maybe I'm not okay?" _

My heart broke as I watched this girl breaking in front of my eyes.

How selfish could I be?

For months, Gigi had been taking care of me and the kids...taking them to school, kissing their boo-boos and reading them to sleep at night.

At first I thought it was because she was attracted to me but then when I met her fiancé and saw how in love they were, I realized that she was just being an amazing friend.

My savior and so of course losing the kids had broken her heart...she looked as lost as I felt.

* * *

_"Oh Gigi...I'm sorry."_ I said before sitting beside her and pulling her into my arms.

And finally I was able to release all of my tears with someone.

It felt good to not be interrupting Quinn and Santana...

Here was someone who was invested in me as a person...

Wanting nothing but my friendship and company...

How long had it been since someone took a genuine interest in me like this?

Aside from my own kids?

I couldn't think straight.

_"No...I should be sorry...I'm adding to your sadness."_ She finally stuttered out.

_"You're not...just cuddle with me...just so I that I don't feel alone...okay?"_

She nodded and hugged me back.

Comfort filled me and a heaviness left my shoulders.

I held her tight and laid us back on the over sized couch.

Foreheads pressed together and tears leaking onto the cushion, I fell into a deep sleep feeling like I wasn't alone for once.

Feeling like there was still hope.

* * *

**Quinn's POV**

* * *

Even as a devout Christian, I have always believed in karma.

What you put into the universe can come back to you tenfold...good or bad.

And so when I got the call from Derek in the middle of the night, I was pretty sure that there was a reason for it.

San was in the process of changing Ali's diaper while half asleep when I jumped up from the bed.

I stared regrettably at the dark bruise on her cheek and dropped my gaze when she looked back at me.

_"Quinn Fabray."_ I muttered into the phone while rubbing at my eyes.

_"Lets make a deal."_ A gruff voice said over the phone.

_"I don't make deals over the phone. Where are you?"_ I asked as I slipped into my shoes and brushed my fingers through my hair.

_"I can be at your office in ten minutes. I just posted bail."_

_"Will you be alone?"_ I asked and earned a questioning glare from San in the process.

_"My sister is with me."_

_"I'll see you in ten...and I'm bringing Brittany."_

_"Fine."_

* * *

_"What was that about?"_ San asked after putting Ali back in her crib with a bottle.

I tucked my wallet and keys in my pocket and then turned towards her as she climbed back in bed and tucked the covers around herself.

_"Derek wants to make a deal...I'm going to go see what he wants...maybe I can fix this."_ I said while examining her face with my eyes.

Her cheek and eye socket were both bruised and the swelling had just gotten worse.

_"Stop looking at me like that."_ She snapped before dropping her head

I moved closer to her and cupped her normal cheek with my hand.

When I tipped up her face and looked into her eyes, I could see the coldness and anger there.

The sadness and tears were long gone, replaced by the split between who she was and who she had the potential to be.

_"When did you take your meds last?"_ I asked.

_"Before bed...like always."_ She said looking at me with a bit of sadness before allowing the coldness to return to her eyes.

_"I fucked up bad last night...I don't expect you to forgive me right away...but I'm going to do whatever I can to make this right. Tell me what you want me to do, Santana...and I will do it. No questions asked."_

She nodded and then finally the tears came...

It was like she was waiting for those words to come from me.

_"Good...because...you scared me Q...like really fucking scared me. I just need a few days...without you. Just for the next couple of days."_

* * *

A knife was twisting in my chest as I looked at her strong gaze.

She had been giving thought to this and I had just made it ten times easier.

_"But you still want to work on us...on our marriage...right?"_ I finally said in one quick breath.

A small smile traced her lips and she tipped her head.

_"I do...and this is a part of that. I just need to clear my head...please let me have this space, Q?"_

_"All you had to do was ask, baby love. Text me or Gigi if you need anything else."_

_"Okay...bye Q."_

I hesitated as I took a step back.

Nothing felt right anymore.

But then she held her arms open and closed her eyes before pursing her lips.

My heart started racing again as I felt that piece of home being restored.

The kiss wasn't as long as the embrace that followed but it was enough to tell me to not let go of her.

To keep fighting.

And for Santana and Ali...I would do whatever was necessary to keep us together.

* * *

_**A/N: Wrapping it all up soon! :)**_


	18. Break My Fall

_**A/N: It's so unlike me to be away for so long...lo siento but when life calls...I have to go do what I got to do! **_

_**Excuse any errors...they're obviously unintentional.  
**_

_**I'm giving you a longer chapter to make up for my absence...cool?**_

_**Addicted to this song that will end up being released by Diana Vickers, eventually but I love Lana...and so yea...this is the version you get! **_

_**It's just too perfect for this...**_

* * *

**Break My Fall (Lana Del Ray)**

* * *

**Quinn's POV**

* * *

_"No deal."_

Both Derek and I looked at Brittany in shock after Derek had offered to give full custody back to her in exchange for a no contest divorce, which was something that I would have been willing to agree on with terms, of course.

Britt though, refused to even consider it almost immediately.

_"Britt, do you get what we are saying sweetie? This is your kids...you get to keep them. That's what you wanted."_

She stood from where she sat in the corner of my office and put her glass of water down.

_"Not like this. I said no deal. My kids are not bargaining chips. I will not trade them just so that Derek can get out of this divorce without any obligations to take care of them. No...I'm not doing that. Are we done here?"_

Britt got up to leave and Derek stood with her.

Remorse was written all over his face but she just rolled her eyes.

_"Britt...baby I'm sorry...please...I realize what a mistake it was to take them from you."_

I watched in rapt fascination as Brittany showed me a side of her that I had never seen before.

She stood toe to toe with her husband and crossed her arms over herself.

Just like Santana.

I couldn't help my smile as I watched in amusement, knowing what comes after that gesture.

_"You have had them for less than a day, Derek. When you decided to take them just to be spiteful, did you ever think about how this would affect them? How it would make your precious Nikolas and my poor little Zack feel to see us going at it? Did you tell your mother and sister how you once slammed Zack against a wall because he wouldn't stop crying? Oh, how about the time that you knocked Nicky's tooth out because you slapped him so hard that he flew into the door? I could have brought that kind of stuff up in court...but I didn't want to make you look like the bad person that you are...but did you do the same thing for me? Of course not!"_

_"Britt..." _I tried cutting in but she shoved her finger into his chest so hard that he flinched.

_"No deal...I can't believe that now you are coming in here wanting to use my kids like game pieces. You can take this deal and shove up your ass. I'm done."_

* * *

The door to my office slammed and I watched as Derek fell into his chair looking defeated with tears in his eyes.

_"Well...that was unexpected...so what happens now?" _His sister asked as she looked unimpressed by her brother's sudden tears.

I shuffled the papers on my desk more out of habit than necessity and then leaned back in my chair.

_"That depends on Derek. We know where Britt stands and I have to agree with her."_

_"I was afraid that you would say that." _He said as he bit down on his lip.

_"What's this really about, bro? Why all of a sudden do you want this divorce and why are you willing to so easily give the kids back?" _His sister said as she turned towards him.

And I swear, the next moment had him folded over in his chair and crying into his hands.

Where was this sensitive soul when he was manhandling my wife and endangering my daughter?

Or when he coldly took the kids from Brittany...including her newborn?

I was beyond annoyed.

His stupid actions had led to my stupid actions and now I was looking to put the blame back on him.

_"Look Derek, you have an array of options at your disposal. You are an educated man and you know what is best for your kids and deep down...your wife. So be straight with me...what aren't you saying. What is driving all of this bullshit that you are putting everyone through? What changed in a matter of hours?"_

Derek sat up and looked at his sister and then me for a long time before he finally nodded and then cleared his throat.

His tears dried up as he prepared to be truthful for one of the first times since this mess had begun.

And then he dropped the bomb on me.

* * *

**Santana's POV**

* * *

I couldn't fall back asleep even though I was completely exhausted.

The sun wasn't even up and for most people my age...at this hour they were still out enjoying their nights...

My face was throbbing as I stood over Ali's crib and stared down at her sweet face.

She was so peaceful and it made me feel uneasy.

How long would her peace last?

When would Quinn slip and fall into history...

Into being her father.

Don't get me wrong...she hasn't shown any signs of being abusive and I was the one to hit her in the very beginning of this relationship...but there was something about the look in her eyes.

I had really fucked up and hurt her with my stupid mouth and her face turned up into such a hateful mask that now when I close my eyes...it's all that I see.

Snix wants to take over.

But I'm resisting...and the meds are helping.

The fight for control though...is slipping.

Every movement of my face makes me suffer what happened all over again and made me remember just how scared it had made me.

My walls had been down.

And she had stepped in and torn me down worse than I already was.

She had questioned my motives and so I had highlighted her insecurities.

How could we fix this?

* * *

_"Mi'ja?"_

It wasn't until I heard Papi's voice that I realized that I was standing there...over Ali's crib and sobbing aloud.

When I went to brush the tears from my face, it struck me to feel just how cold they were.

It was ironic considering how cold I felt inside when it came to my wife.

The love was still there...pumping in my veins but the trust had fallen away a bit.

And that wasn't a good thing.

_"I'm fine."_ I whispered without turning towards him.

His footsteps were light as he closed the door and then came to stand beside me.

Just his presence seemed to calm some of the hardness that was filling me.

Snix was winning and he had helped me tamper down on splitting despite the medicine.

I was pulled into a hug and was no longer able to hold back as I cried into his scrubs.

He had been on his way to work and had stopped to check on me.

And now he would be late because I knew that he wouldn't leave me like this.

_"Did you talk to her?"_

I shrugged and pulled back just enough to wipe my face.

Pain shot through me and I hissed out, having forgotten about my cheek for a moment, pressing too hard and hurting myself further.

_"Fuck."_ I whispered.

And just like I knew he would, he jumped right into doctor mode.

Good for me...bad for Quinn.

* * *

**Quinn's POV**

* * *

I sat staring at Derek and his sister in shock when my phone started to chime.

In the past when I'm at work and it's San, I usually let it go to voicemail and then call her right back but with everything going on between us...and the fact that it was barely four in the morning...I answered immediately.

_"Hey San...you okay?"_

_"I just wanted to let you know that I'm on my way to the hospital. Tish is at work and so I'm taking Ali with me."_

Her voice sounded muffled and like she was trying to whisper.

Derek and his sister were whispering now and so I excused myself and stepped out into the lobby, closing the door behind me.

At that moment, I was grateful for the glass window, so that I could watch those two in my office.

_"The hospital? Is everything alright?"_

_"Papi thinks that my cheek is fractured...he wants me to get an x-ray."_

_"At his hospital...I can meet you there?"_

She was silent.

And that's when I knew that she wasn't the one holding the reins.

When she went into the mental institution, she signed stuff over to her father and so even though I was her wife...he was declaring his rights.

And if he was doing that...then that meant that she was more than unhinged at this point.

* * *

_"You can't." _She finally whispered. And then she shoved that knife right through my heart again._ "I really don't want you here right now. Just take care of Britt for me just in case I can't come home right away."_

_"San...baby love is he trying to_ _admit you for observation? He agreed to talk to me before he made any decisions like this...can you put him on?"_ I said trying my best to keep my cool.

Even though I was pissed.

I had naively trusted that her father would never overstep me like this.

And now what standing did I really have?

I couldn't even get my mind to think right.

At this point I was running on emotion.

_"I can't."_ She muttered with a sigh.

_"Put him on, Santana."_

_"No...look, Q...just don't come to the hospital. Promise me? Please, Q...I'm asking."_

_"San that's not fair."_

_"I know, I know...but please?"_

_"I don't think that I can do that...you are my wife and I can't let you go through this alone!" _

_"You're just going to make things worse...please just stay away...please?."_

_"No."_

And then the line went dead.

* * *

The scream that tore from me as I clutched my phone in my hands was enough to make Derek and his sister both jump from their chairs.

It hadn't been intentional but the rage that filled me was just too intense.

How did everything get so fucked up?

Derek looked at me questioningly and I remembered...

His fault.

And here he was asking me to do something for him.

To sway Brittany.

But I didn't have time for that.

Right then, I didn't care about anything he had to say and fucking Derek or anything that he was going through was nothing compared to what I was feeling in that moment.

All that I wanted was the fucking peace of mind that my marriage wasn't ending because of one stupid fight!

But that wasn't just something that a tulip and some kind words or even someone down on their knees was going to fix.

This had just jumped from the frying pan into the fire.

And I had no idea what to do next.

* * *

**Santana's POV**

* * *

Why had I called her?

Papi had told me to not call her...to let him handle it but I thought I knew better.

I thought I could blame it on him...

Try and get Quinn to just give me space.

But my loyalty to her made me call her.

My worry that something could happen to me without her knowing overrode my sensibilities.

But then again, maybe I wanted her to be my knight.

_"Are you ready?"_

I laid on the table in a hospital gown as Papi stood over me.

_"Is all of this necessary?"_ I grimaced as he stroked my cheek.

_"Mi'ja...I just want you safe."_

_"I don't need to be under observation...I'm not going to do anything stupid."_ I whined.

He nodded and then stepped back.

_"Lay still...try not to move too much."_

The conversation was over.

Papi had stepped in.

And right then...I knew...calling Quinn had been purposeful.

She would be there...even if he didn't want her too.

And that's just what I wanted.

* * *

I'm not sure what Quinn did to me.

There is no reason that after being a cheerleader who has fallen a million times, being a dancer and being slapped by Quinn endlessly as a teenager that this is what should be the thing that lands me in surgery.

Somehow, Q had hit me so hard that my cheek was indeed fractured.

And so now...I have to go get surgery on my flawless fucking face to repair it.

Papi said something about a metal plate or pins...but after he had said surgery...I couldn't really hear him.

Years of vanity were seeping through and my amazing face was going to be possibly altered.

It was just too much to handle.

_"Is she here?"_ I asked in the middle of his drawn out explanation.

_"Yes."_

_"I need to see her and I need you to be nice."_

His eyes went wide as if he was surprised that I knew he wasn't nice to her when she arrived.

_"You realize that she put you in here. She is no better than that deadbeat that Brittany is married to."_

Pain shot through my face as I yelled back at my father.

_"Don't you fucking compare Quinn to Derek! This wasn't like that!" _

_"Bullshit."_

_"Papi...please just let her in. I can't...please?"_

And now I was crying again.

This was just getting way out of hand.

_"I'll get her but just know...one inkling of trouble and I'm booting her ass right out of this hospital. Entiendes?_

_"Si, Papi. Get her...please?"_

* * *

**Quinn's POV_  
_**

* * *

_"She wants to see you."_

I was holding a sleeping Ali in my arms when I heard the strain of his voice.

He was not happy about her wanting me.

But he couldn't control her...and that bothered him.

_"Of course she does."_

_"I'll take her."_

I stood up and shifted Ali and held her tighter.

_"No, that's fine...I'm sure that Santana wants to see her too."_

_"You think it's okay for her to see her mother like that?"_

It was the second time in 24 hours that someone had made me feel like less than a parent.

But I pushed down my anger and kissed my little girl's head.

She was still asleep and I wanted to keep her that way.

_"I think that is my decision, thankfully, a decision that you can't take from me. How long do I have with her?"_

_"Her surgery is in an hour."_

_"I'll see you then."_ I said before pushing past him and making my way to my wife.

His eyes had been colder than I had ever seen them.

But things were bad enough without him sticking his nose in.

* * *

When I got into her room, I saw that she was sitting up and talking quietly into her phone.

_"I'm going to be fine. Please stop crying...you've been through enough. No...she is right here actually. Um...okay."_

San looked at me and held out her arms.

_"Trade you the phone for our baby girl?"_ She said with a small smile.

_"That doesn't seem fair."_ I teased before easing Ali into her lap before taking the phone from her.

She shooed me away and so I took the phone and sat in the chair next to her.

I couldn't take my eyes off of her face as she tried not to move it too much.

She was running her fingers through Ali's soft curls and whispering to her in Spanish.

_"Hello?"_ I heard Britt say, reminding me that the phone was pressed to my ear.

_"Hey B."_

_"I'm sorry that I left like that." _

_"It's fine."_

_"Did he tell you what this is about?"_

_"Yea."_

_"And?"_

I froze when I looked at my wife...she was watching me now and I could tell from the look on her face that Britt had filled her in on what happened in my office.

She was waiting for an answer too.

_"His mistress...is pregnant with his child and he wants to marry her, he found out about the pregnancy this afternoon."  
_

_"And so what...just like that he throws me and his kids away?"_

_"Just like that."_

* * *

Britt hadn't stayed on the phone for much longer, telling me that we would discuss it once Santana was better.

So once the phone was put to the side, I pulled my chair closer to my wife and took her hand in mine.

_"How are you feeling?" _I asked, even though I had a pretty good idea.

_"Like shit."_ She whispered without taking her eyes off of Ali.

_"Tell me that you still want to work on us, San...please?"_

When her eyes met mine, I could see what her father had seen.

She was barely hanging on again...and this was on her medication.

Maybe spending a few days under observation wasn't such a bad idea.

_"I'm in the hospital about to get my face cut open and that's all you can think of? You wanted to prove yourself to me...then fucking prioritize, Quinn."_

Snix.

The anger and the tears...it was like the personalities had become one and the same.

_"Okay. Tell me what you need?"_

_"My wife...I need my wife to not put me in this situation, no matter what I say to her. I need you to know that my words were stupid but your fucking gorilla slap to my face was much worse. I need you to understand that maybe Papi is fighting so hard to keep you away because for once in my life...I am fucking terrified. Of you...of me and of putting our little girl in danger. I could lose it all...and so if you want to know if I want to work on us still...you prove to me that it's even worth it. Got it?"_

I swallowed hard as I watched her coming apart in front of my eyes.

And yet, she was still all soft touches and tiny smiles when she looked at Ali.

Our fear that she could hurt the baby had been unfounded...every part of her loved Ali and that's what hurt the most.

Even knowing that was the case, everyone would fear for the baby and possibly keep San from her.

The blood was on my hands.

I had been hurt...but I know my wife...she didn't mean those words...

My hurt was nothing compared to this.

* * *

**_A/N: I could write this all day but I have other things to do...so...I had to stop._ Two chapters left...bum bum bummmmm!**

_** Will this story end on a cliff hanger? **_

_**Will the Lopez-Fabray family be able to reconcile?**_

_**Will Santana's face still be flawless?**_

_**Will Derek have a lizard baby with his mistress?**_

**_Stay tuned for more!_ **


	19. Let It Happen

_**A/N: After everything that Quinn has been through on the show...this is nothing she can't handle...even if it's a little harsh. ;)**_

_**It gets better...sheesh. :) **_

_**In the meantime...here's another long one! **_

_**I'll fix any errors later...**_

_**Enjoy! **_

_**-A**_

* * *

**Let It Happen (Jimmy Eat World)**

* * *

**Quinn's POV**

* * *

Two days after her surgery, Santana was admitted into the psychiatric unit for a seven-day observation.

She didn't want to see me and that was okay.

I was okay with that.

Everyone was putting this on me and that's fine.

I could deal with it.

What I couldn't deal with...

The thing that made me feel like I was going to crack was the phone call from my mother.

After years of small reconciliations...she failed at following through with being supportive of my marriage.

Father still called and had even visited us in Toronto when I graduated.

So when my mother called me, after word of what happened found its way back to Lima...that's when the rage set in.

But still, I couldn't let that show.

Ali was my priority.

She came to work with me, she went out to eat with me and when Britt headed to the Hamptons to see her kids, Ali was with me.

Tish called me and tried to get me to bring Ali over but I put my foot down.

If I couldn't see my wife, they couldn't see my daughter.

Period.

* * *

_"She gets out tomorrow...are you going to go see her?"_

I shrugged as I took a bite of my sandwich.

Ali was on the floor of my office playing with Zack and his blocks.

Britt sat there staring at me, leaving her food untouched as she burped the baby.

_"Maybe."_ I said around a mouth full of food.

_"Chew, Quinn. God...for someone who is so girly...you eat like a dude." _

_"Thanks!_" I said with the biggest, grossest smile that I could muster.

_"I haven't talked to her...just so you know. You aren't the only one that was cut off."_

I nodded and then swallowed.

_"I know."_ I said as I wiped my hands on a napkin before sitting back in my seat.

_"I'm still mad about what she said to you...they were being really cruel to you and that's coming from me."_

_"Well you snapped at me too...remember?"_

_"Yea but that's different. That was just after it happened."_

_"So was this...same day."_

I was getting anxious and so I shoved more of my bacon cheeseburger in my mouth to Britt's dismay.

Her lips twisted up and she rolled her eyes.

_"I have totally lost my appetite. Gross."_

_"You're welcome...are you going to eat that?" _I asked as I swallowed the last of my food.

_"No thanks...I'll pass."_

* * *

When we dropped the kids off at Derek's he met us at the door with his mom right behind him.

She looked really upset and he just seemed tired.

Nicky looked sad as he hugged Britt's legs before storming into the house.

_"What's wrong? We aren't late are we?"_ Britt said as she looked at her watch while handing off the car seat to Derek.

And then he looked at me.

_"Do you think that I can talk to you guys for a second, Mama will watch Ali for a little bit...if you want."_

I was reluctant to let my baby girl go but she and Zack were the best of friends these days and I knew that she would be occupied.

_"You want to play with Zacky for a little while?"_

_"Si!" _She said before clapping her hands together.

_"Okay...go play...be good for Yaya, okay?"_

_"K!" _

* * *

We walked along the beach just across from the house with me in between husband and wife, just like I had been for almost a year now._  
_

_"I don't like what this arrangement is doing to the kids." _He said with a sigh_. "I jumped the gun, we loved each other at some point, B and I just lost myself. Mama and Mila convinced me to go into treatment."_

_"Fucking Mila...I don't get it...what makes her so fucking special. I gave you the best years of my life and you are leaving me for her like I'm nothing."_

I felt like I was stuck in the wrong place.

Like maybe I shouldn't be in this conversation but he wanted me there for a reason,

Whether it was to be a mediator or something else...I wasn't yet sure of.

_"She talked to me about that too...I have been the worse husband in the world and I don't deserve your forgiveness but at least let me make things right."_

Britt stopped in her tracks and since her arm was looped through mine, I was forced to stop too.

Derek stopped and looked at us with his hands shoved in his pockets.

He was trying to be open with her and I hoped for everyone's sake that she was more willing to listen this time around.

_"How?"_

_"Joint custody...you can have the house in the city or here...I will pay you alimony if you want. You can have primary custody of the kids...you have been an amazing mother to them and I shouldn't fuck with that. I messed up...I hurt them and you...and I have even messed up yours and Santana's marriage, Quinn. My drinking and the drugs is out of hand and I'm putting a stop to it. For all of you, for Mila and the baby and myself. I want to do this right."_

_"Why her?"_

Derek looked at Britt and was about to shrug but then he just looked towards the ocean and then back at Britt.

_"Because she's my lobster...and I'm not yours...I tried to be...because I know that you wanted me to be...but lets be honest with ourselves. You lost the person that you thought was your lobster love years ago...you lost her to Quinn and now...since then...you have tried to fill that void with Sam and me. It's why I was able to cheat so easily...you knew about it. You let it happen...but it's on me. I knew you weren't happy and instead of setting you free...I made your life hell."_

_"You're just figuring that out?"_

_"It was wrong...I thought if I couldn't be your lobster love...then no one could. I'm wrong. I fucked up and right now, I swear to you...I will do anything that you want...and give you what you need. I want to be the amazing friends that we were in the beginning. I see the hate your eyes...and I don't want things to be like this anymore. I thought I would get satisfaction out of taking the kids from you...but it just feels empty."_

_"Yea? So what you're done being a bully?"_

_"I'm done...I hurt you and the boys...and now I'm hurting too."_

_"Good." _She said before sniffing and then wiping her face_. "I'm glad you are hurting...I don't like people to hurt but you deserve it. I can't be your friend, Derek...you lost that privilege but I'm not going to be stupid and push this deal away. If you want to be a good father...or a good man...then you will not back out of this. You will do everything that you're saying."_

_"That's why I wanted a witness...I promise you, Britt...I want to work this out."_

He held out his pinky and then all of a sudden...a man that I thought was so unequally matched to Britt turned into someone different.

Nicky's smile came through on his face as he linked pinky's with Britt.

This was the man who she had fallen for.

It was like he was being everything that she needed and even though it was a guarded,

The smile on her face told me that Britt was willing to forgive him.

And it gave me hope.

* * *

**Santana's POV**

* * *

Flawless.

The fracture had been slight...and when the doctor's saw the scar tissue they realized that Quinn had simply made an old hairline fracture worse.

Her hand had just hit the right place at the right speed to make it all go to hell.

Papi had over reacted and after a week of talking to a therapist and working through that night, endlessly...

I realized the roll that I had played in making things worse.

My marriage meant a lot to me...more than music and more than my vanity.

Being away from Quinn like this has made me see that I need to let her be the woman who I married.

As much as he has been there for me, Papi has made a difficult situation more extreme.

I wasn't going to let that happen again.

And so with my therapist's help...I formed a plan.

One that I hoped would tie together my marriage and my sanity.

We couldn't end up back here again.

There was too much at stake.

My daughter's happiness being number one on that list.

* * *

Of course all plans sound good when that's all you have to think about.

When I stepped foot outside of the hospital...that was a different story.

I felt ashamed of the way that I had been with Quinn and so I avoided almost immediately.

She called me but I didn't call back.

Instead, I had caught a cab to our house and proceeded to clean.

As much as she seems prissy and neat to the world, my wife is a bit of a slob and so a week of her and the baby all alone had wreaked havoc on the cleanliness of our house.

Fortunately for me, I was almost obsessive when it came to cleaning so it only took me a total of two hours to clean, do laundry and then throw dinner in the oven.

And so when Q showed up to a warm meal and her slippers by the door...the shock was written all over her face.

_"Hey."_ I said.

_"Hey...I didn't think you were coming home."_

I could hear the sadness in her voice even though she was smiling still.

_"Yea, well...it's the only place that I wanted to be."_

I still had bruising from the surgery and so when her eyes looked at me, I could see the light leave them.

I felt ashamed even though I shouldn't have.

Ali though, God bless her, smiled at me.

_"Ma!"_ She squealed before Quinn put her down and let her run to me.

I put my hand on her head and just absorbed the feeling of her touch.

My nerves had been on edge and now they weren't.

Thankfully.

* * *

My plan had been to let Q eat while I got the baby ready for bed...but she had other ideas.

So while I fed and bathed Ali, she went off and got a shower herself.

And then we traveled down to the kitchen together so that I could watch her eat.

_"Why aren't you eating?"_ She asked as she finished praying over her food.

_"I'm not hungry."_

_"When was the last time that you ate?"_

I shrugged.

_"This morning before I left the hospital."_

Of course, despite everything, Quinn had been my wife for an eternity at this point and so those habits don't go away.

And I was actually happy about it.

She stood up and moved over to the stove.

_"I know that chewing is probably harder for you right now but these mashed potatoes should be fine."_ She served me and then returned to her seat across from me. When I didn't move to eat, she sighed and pointed her fork towards my plate. _"Please eat baby love...I don't want you to get sick...please?"_

_"Okay." _

She watched and waited until I actually put the food in my mouth before she seemed satisfied.

At first it had thrown me for a loop but after a little bit, I realized just how good it felt to be back to us.

Even if it was just for a little while.

* * *

After a few bites, it really got too painful to eat and so I had to stop.

_"Are you okay?"_ She asked as she put her fork down and sat back. _"You don't look so good."_

_"Just pain...I need to take my painkillers but they make me sleepy and I really just wanted to talk to you."_

_"It waited a week, why not one more night."_

I could see that she was itching to talk to me too but was trying to be diplomatic.

_"No...it has to happen before we go to bed."_

_"Why not in bed? I can clean up the kitchen...you can shower and then we can lay in bed and talk."_

That wasn't in the plan and right now my plan was all that I had.

_"No...please let me just say what I have to say."_

She nodded and then smiled at me.

_"Okay, San...we can do things your way. That's fine."_

Relief filled me that she wasn't upset about me insisting on this.

Going into our bedroom with any unresolved tension wasn't something that I could live with.

_"I wanted to apologize for the way that I treated you. I know that you didn't mean to do this to me and really this shouldn't have even gotten so bad. You just managed to pick the right spot and a small crack became a big deal."_

_"Tish called me and told me about it."_

_"Yea?"_

_"I still feel like shit about doing it but that made me feel a little less dangerous. I was worried about Snix around Ali but then I was afraid of me around her. I don't want to become like my dad and I know that idea freaks you out too."_

_"It does but you aren't him. You are an amazing woman who I am so lucky to be married to."_

_"You mean that?"_ She said with a nervous smile.

_"Of course I do. I realized something when I was in the hospital and that's what I wanted to talk to you about."_

_"Okay...go for it."_

_"I realized how much my father has existed in our marriage since we got to New York and while it feels good to have him around now that he is all that I have left as far as my extended family goes, he has no place in our marriage."_

_"Mmmhmm."_ She said with a small nod.

_"That being said...I would really like it, if you would be my attorney-in-fact. I want Papi to still be my Power of Attorney but only limited and only with you as the primary. I'd like to make sure you are my primary everything as soon as possible. I already talked to him and told him what my plans were and after thinking about it...he agreed that he had overstepped. He promised me that he wouldn't do that again. I'm sorry that it happened at all. You're my wife and I want you to make those kinds of decisions for me, if I can't. I'm sorry if you felt left out or pushed out, that won't happen ever again."_

_"Are you sure?"_

_"I'm positive."_

* * *

It was like I could see the pain roll off her shoulders.

This situation had the potential to kill my marriage and I just couldn't allow that to happen.

We were going to work through this until we got it right.

She was committed to this...and so was I so there should be anything or anyone to get in the way.

And that started with me handing over some trust hoping that she would see that I was in this still.

_"Why is this so hard?"_ She mumbled before standing up and shaking out her hands before kneeling beside my chair.

That wasn't what I wanted but it seemed like it was something that she needed to do.

So I turned in my chair and watched as she swallowed and then looked up at me.

_"What are you doing?"_ I asked as she began to rub her palms over my thighs but she didn't stop.

_"I needed to feel you...this isn't about control or anything else...this is me being humble and God you know that's hard for me sometimes but I need you to understand that some of the things that you said were right. I haven't been prioritizing my life. I have been completely absorbed into everything but you. You hurt me...those words sliced through me in ways that I don't even like to admit...and it hurt worse than anything else in my life."_

Seeing her like this tore straight through me.

But it was what I needed.

I needed to know how much I had hurt her so that I could get through some of the residual resentment.

And so then I surprised her and I slid down onto my knees.

We probably looked insane but I think she got it.

_"I'm so sorry, Q. I am so fucking sorry."_

_"Just...please don't bring her up anymore...please?"_

_"You shouldn't even have to ask...I promise that I won't use her against you ever again."_

And that's when she let out a sob...that told me everything.

My cheek would heal, the pain would disappear but her pain about Beth was very real and it would probably never completely heal.

Realization had dawned and suddenly I was wishing that she had kicked my ass.

I had shot three people over less.

Quinn wasn't the only one that needed to readjust her priorities...so the fuck did I.

* * *

**_A/N: Hey! Any errors are mine...back to finish this sucker off in a few...just not today! :) Ciao lovelies!_**


	20. Feel Again

_**A/N:Time jumping again. **_

_**This time a whole flippin' year! **_

_**Enjoy!**_

* * *

**Feel Again (One Republic)**

* * *

**Quinn POV**

* * *

I was out of breath as I ran down the street, attempting to dodge raindrops.

Of course it wasn't working!

At this rate, I would show up to court completely drenched.

My phone buzzed and I took the opportunity to duck under a store front to answer it.

_"Yea?"_ I said as I puffed out a breath and held my chest.

Taking up smoking again, hadn't been my best idea.

I really needed to stop smoking and get in shape.

Sue would not approve.

_"Q? I need you to pick up Ali tonight."_

_"Hi, to you too, San." _

_"Right...hi...can you pick her up?"_

_"Fine. What's the reason this time?"_

_"Gig in Hoboken."_

_"Again? That's the third time this week! Is there even a gig?"_ I snapped at her as the thunder got louder.

_"Of course!"_

_"I don't think that I believe you, San."_

_"So."_

_"So? Seriously?"_

_"Seriously."_

_"When are we going to get through this rut, San?"_

_"Rut? I think it's called a separation which was your bright idea...remember?"_

_"I said just for a week and you have stretched it into months...you know what...I don't have time to argue right now. I'm late for court. I'll pick up Ali."_

_"Good luck in court, Q."_

_"Yea...thanks."_

The line clicked and I nearly exploded.

_"Fuck!"_ I screamed and typical to New York, I got a few stares but generally people just gave me a wider berth and continued to rush through the rain.

I just needed this day to be over.

* * *

_"What happened before court?"_

I walked side by side with Gigi as we made our way into the office.

Just like I had been since Santana decided to move out, I had used all of my frustration in the court room and it had all the senior partners excited.

I had won every single case that was handed to me and I had even stepped in and cleaned up the work of a few of my former associates that had been fired.

All of the numbness and anger that had been filling me was only used in court and then usually, I walked out feeling better.

Feeling like I could conquer the world.

Today though...felt different.

_"I won...but you know that."_

_"One of the clerks told me that you were a beast in there today."_

_"It was a trivial case that shouldn't have gone to trial...and today, I made sure that the jury saw what I saw."_

_"I think that they did...the verdict is already up."_

_"Seriously?"_

_"I already called you a cab."_

_"Thank you!"_

I turned back around and headed towards the elevators.

_"Do you want me to come with you?"_

_"Yea...we can go shop and maybe do dinner."_

_"Really?"_

_"Of course...the research and hard work that you've done is probably what won this case."_

I watched her blush and it warmed me a bit.

_"It's good to see you in a better mood, Quinn."_

_"It's good to be in a better mood."_

The coldness that I had been feeling all morning was starting to fade.

Something big was coming...I could feel it.

* * *

**Santana's POV**

* * *

_"You have got to move back home, San."_

_"We've been over this, B...it's not a divorce. We have been having dinner as a big family every night that I don't have a gig. Ali doesn't even know the difference."_

_"That's bullshit and you know it."_

I rolled my eyes as I played peek-a-boo with Jakob.

He smiled at me and his bright blue eyes that looked identical to his mother's, sparkled.

_"I'm sorry if I'm cramping your space...I can go stay with Papi if that would be better for you."_

The cab came to a stop outside of the club and she rushed to pay the driver.

_"San it's not about that...I have told you a million times that I am happy that you are there to help me with the boys. Nicky and Zack love coming home to their Auntie Tana...you know that."_

_"And likewise...Ali likes to spend time with Zack...so what's the problem?"_

I held onto Jake's hand as Britt eased out of the car.

She had begged me to help her start dancing again and so stretching and practicing every night was taking its toll on her knee.

_"It's not about us though...it's about your wife. She needs you and I'm in the middle. I hate it."_

_"Look, B...I appreciate this pep talk on her behalf but like I've told you countless times...this is something that she and I need to figure out."_

As we stood in front of the club, Britt put a hand on my arm and shook her head while pushing my hair out of my face.

_"Do you remember the last time that we were at the Lima Bean together?"_

_"Yea...do you remember?"_

_"Yea...those memories are complicated...I have some but not all...but don't distract me."  
_

Jake pulled on my leg and so I leaned down and picked him up.

He smiled at me and then rested his head on my shoulder.

It was about nap time and so I wasn't surprised that he was tired.

_"Okay...sorry...sheesh...the Lima Bean with white chocolate."_

She rolled her eyes and I winked at her, happy that I could make her smile even when she was trying so hard to be serious.

_"That day was when I finally let you go...well before I lost my memories...but at that moment, when I saw the way that she took care of you and the way that you leaned on her...I knew that you were well matched. You always had to take care of me...even now, you are still watching out for me but Quinn...she's always looked out for you when you needed her to, its your turn now..."_

_"Whatever you say, B."_ I said feeling annoyed as we made our way into the club.

I didn't want to think about what she was saying because I knew that it meant that I had been letting this progress for way too long.

Quinn had been trying to get me to come home and I kept making up excuses...I kept ignoring her advances and why?

Because I was afraid of who I had become with her around me.

Dependent.

Needy.

Weak.

But I knew in my heart that wasn't true.

I just wasn't sure that I wanted to believe it.

* * *

I sat on stage and stared down at Britt as she fed Jakob,

So much had happened between us and yet we were still okay...still friends but I could see that she was over me.

Over me being in her space and stepping in with her kids.

I knew that she wanted to do this on her own, to feel like she was independent enough to be a good mom without help.

And even though I was certain that she was...I don't think that she trusted herself.

Then there is Ali, I can see the way that this separation is changing her.

She isn't as close to Quinn and honestly, I think that my staying away from Quinn has made it too easy for her to pull away.

I mean, she is still an amazing mom to Ali...especially when I'm not but still there is a difference.

Quinn seems more hesitant with her and with me.

It's like the longer that I stay gone, the easier it is for her to forget what we had.

That may sound crazy but I feel like it's true.

We are completely forgetting to communicate and I'm pretty sure that I'm not helping.

_"Excited for tonight?"_

_"Uh...I guess."_

I looked down at my newest song and then looked over at Stu.

He came over and put his hand on my shoulder.

_"Did you invite her?"_

I looked at him and remembered him making me promise to invite Quinn to our album release tonight but when she had answered with that attitude, I had just asked her to pick up Ali.

But I knew that I should have invited her.

Everyone had been pushing me towards reconciliation but I kept holding back.

Although, I wasn't sure why.

* * *

**Quinn's POV**

* * *

_"Why did you want to come here of all places?"_

_"Because...this is where my wife is supposed to be tonight."_

_"Supposed to be?"_

I dropped my gaze and took a deep breath before looking at her.

_"Yea."_

_"What aren't you saying?"_

Gigi looked at me with concern but I just wrapped my arms around myself.

_"She says that she has gigs here but I don't know...what if she's cheating? What if I finally pushed her into Britt's arms?"_

I hadn't told anyone how I had been feeling but let's be honest...with San living with Britt...I had nobody to really talk to.

_"She isn't sleeping with Britt."_ Gigi said with a serious look on her face.

_"How do you know that?"_

_"Because Britt is seeing someone else...and I think it's pretty serious."_

_"Who?"_

Gigi smiled again.

_"Me."_

_"Since when?"_

_"Just after her suicide attempt...we had this mutual attraction...we would go to counseling together and when Jen and I decided to call it quits...Britt was there to comfort me. Eventually it became serious and now we are planning on getting married."_

_"You're serious?"_

Gigi nodded and then parked the car.

_"Yes. Santana isn't cheating...she's just having a little too much fun being single for the first time since Brittany...she still loves you and is still committed to you. In fact, Britt has been trying to get her to come home for a while now."_

_"Does San know about you two dating?"_

_"No...you are the first."_

_"Oh...so the kids don't know?"_

_"No...we decided that it was too much for Nicky. He just got a new baby sister and step mom...he doesn't need anything else."_

_"Oh...okay."_

_"Should we go in?"_

_"Sure."_

* * *

I was nervous as I made my way into the club with Gigi's hand clasped in mine.

The moment that I stepped through the door, I heard the sound of my wife's voice pouring through the speakers.

But there was nobody up on stage.

I spotted her with Stu's arm around her shoulders.

They were posing for a picture and after the flash, she kissed his cheek and then rubbed off the shiny gloss that she left behind.

Stu whispered something to her and she laughed.

My heart ached.

But then Gigi called me to my senses.

_"She isn't cheating."_

_"You don't know that."_

_"I do."_

_"How?" _I whined, earning a scathing look from my assistant.

_"You need to get yourself together. If this is how you have been acting since the whole slapping thing...I wouldn't come back to you either. Britt has told me all of these stories about how you used to rule your school and I saw that when you came to work at the firm but really...you need to get yourself together. Don't just be bold in the court room...you need to put your foot down and get your wife back."_

I looked at her in shock as we got to the bar.

My eyes were still on my wife who was across the club now, still smiling and laughing with her band mates.

_"Can I get you ladies something?"_

I was about to shake my head when Gigi slapped a fifty down onto the bar.

_"Whiskey neat for her...water for me...and keep them coming."  
_

My jaw dropped as I watched this newer, more confident version of Gigi.

I smiled and happily took the drink off the bar.

She raised her tumbler and then smiled.

_"To taking back what's yours." _

_"Yea...to taking back what's mine." _I said before downing half of my drink.

_"And what would that be exactly, Q?" _A voice said from behind me.

At the sound of San's growl, I froze.

She did not seem happy.

Gigi smiled at me and nodded her head.

_"Remember who you are. Be bold."_ She said before waving at my wife and walking off towards the dance floor.

She was right.

I had to be bold.

What did I have to lose?

* * *

**Santana's POV**

* * *

I hadn't seen her at first.

But the moment that I did, I felt my anger levels raise.

Was she spying on me?

Had Britt told her where I was?

_"San? Hey, we go on in like five minutes."_

_"The show doesn't start without me...what did Mark say? Genius having me front the band?"_

He smiled and tipped his glass to me.

_"Okay, diva...but don't keep them waiting too long."_

_"Ten minutes tops. I promise."_

He nodded and then went back to his conversation with Blitz.

I may have sounded cocky but really, I was still nervous to upset anyone.

My rep still existed and I was doing anything that I could to distance myself from it.

So far...it was working.

And for that reason, I was planning to just say hi to my wife but then I saw her drinking and heard her bitchy tone and all that flew to the way side.

What did she want to take back?

And immediately, I thought of everything she had done for me...including letting me have Ali the majority of the time.

Was she really going to try and fight me for her?

I was panicking inside.

Too many things had been going through my head and the closer that I got to her, the more angry I had become.

I'm sure that if I hadn't been on this newer medication, that Snix would be talking shit to me but thankfully...it was all me.

But maybe that wasn't such a good thing either because the moment that I spoke, her whole body froze up.

How harsh did my words sound?

* * *

_"Hey baby love."_ Q said as she finished off her drink and put the glass down on the bar.

I looked at it and then back at her.

Sure she wasn't an alcoholic but after her last experience in a club, she had sworn off liquor.

In fact, she had even gone so far as to go to an AA meeting with Britt.

So what the fuck was she doing here instead of being home with Ali?

_"Where's Ali?"_ I asked as I pushed away the newly full glass that the bartender had served her.

Q looked at the glass and then back at me with this guilty expression.

_"She's with Britt."_

_"Why?"_

_"Because that's where she lives."_

_"I asked you to take her tonight, Q."_

_"No. You asked me to pick her up."_

I was annoyed.

_"I didn't know that I had to be more specific."_

_"If you are going to get this pissy...then maybe you should be._" She snapped...her liquid courage kicking in as she glared at me.

_"Fuck you."_ I snapped back.

_"Note taken. You make sure to tell me whatever else I need to do to please you while you party it up with all of your fucking friends." _She said in a low and chilling tone._  
_

She glared at me one last time before she abruptly grabbed her glass...threw back her entire drink and walked away.

Great.

I was supposed to be fixing things and I had just turned us down a hostile road.

This wasn't how it was supposed to be.

But this was karma and fate stepping in.

I was supposed to invite her and I hadn't and so she had shown up anyway.

Now the ball was in my court but I was blowing it.

* * *

**Quinn's POV**

* * *

I stepped out of the club and savored the cold air that hit my face.

Things had definitely changed between me and my wife.

What happened to our happiness?

Where was the care free life that we used to have?

_"Hey Quinn...are you alright?" _

_"Wh-what are you doing here?"_ I stuttered out when I saw a familiar face step out of a car.

_"I heard about Santana's release party and since I knew that you two had gotten married...I thought you would be here. I came to see you."_

_"Why?"_ I asked as I sucked in the smoke from my cigarette and held it in my lungs until they began to burn.

_"It's about Beth."_

When I blew out the smoke, I coughed as I tried to take in fresh air.

I looked into Shelby's face and could see that her words were genuine.

She wasn't being judgmental like she had been back in senior year of high school.

_"What about her?"_

_"She is going through some things and she really wants to meet her birth mom...and trust me...I think she's too young to make these kinds of decisions but after today...I just knew that I had to find you."_

_"What's wrong with Beth?"_ I asked as I dropped my unfinished cigarette to the ground before crushing it with my shoe.

My heart was racing as I forgot about all of my marital issues and focused on the woman who I had trusted with my baby girl.

* * *

I was fighting tears as I made my way into the back of the club.

Shelby hadn't come inside, she had instead dropped a bomb on me and then asked me to call her in the morning to set up a meeting.

_"Q?"_ I looked up and saw my wife standing in front of me.

She had a mic in one hand and held her other hand out to me.

That's when I realized that I was kneeling on the floor by the entrance of the club.

I looked up at the worry on her face and jumped to my feet.

Her arms came around me and I buried my face against her neck.

In the background, I could hear the show continuing without San, who had apparently seen me and left the stage.

Despite everything, she was here.

Without even knowing what was wrong, she was being my wife.

My best friend.

All of my hurt was very real and despite the ugly things that she had said in the past...she was here now.

Even if she had moved out and maybe moved on...I felt like in her arms, in that moment...I wasn't alone in my hurt.

* * *

_"B...bb...bb...b"_ I stuttered.

_"Shhh...just breath baby...whatever it is...we will work it out. Just breathe for me."_

I hugged her tight and continued to take sharp, shaky breaths.

_"Oh God."_ I said continuing to break down.

She mumbled something to someone and then she was wrapping her arms around me tighter and lifting me clear off the ground.

This had started off as me just checking in on San and it turned into her sweeping me off my feet and making me swoon.

_"I'm going to take you home and we can talk this out...okay?"_

_"Just don't let me go."_ I whispered before burying my face against her neck.

She kissed my face over and over as she whispered sweet things in my ear.

It was like all my wishing for the better times between us, had come true.

Like we were finally seeing that love that we had cultivated and worked so hard for.

Unfortunately, something bad had to happen before we could get to that point.

But isn't that how it always works?

* * *

**_A/N: I truly thought I was done here...boy was I wrong! More to come...I'll return for errors. Ciao chicas!_ **


	21. The Child Is Gone

_**A/N: There were a lot of emotions after yesterday's chapter...but I'm glad that they were mainly positive. I know that I was attempting to make this a shorter story but then this plot bunny hit me and wham! **_

_**A few more chapters and I won't keep you waiting.**_

_**Oh and btw...there is a possible mention of some triggering things...but nothing graphic.**_

_**Tread lightly.**_

_**Enjoy! :)**_

* * *

**The Child Is Gone (Fiona Apple)**

* * *

**Santana's POV**

* * *

I laid in my bed for the first time in almost a year with my wife tucked securely in my arms._**  
**_

Even in her sleep, she continued to whimper and mumble to herself.

Which made me ache in a way that I don't think that I had before that moment.

I hadn't been able to get much out of her, other than there being something wrong with Beth.

When I had carried her out of the cab, she had insisted on walking and then proceeded to stumble into the house and straight into the bed.

Being back in the house felt almost eerie because really, aside from our dinners in the dining room, I hadn't been to any other part of the house in forever.

It seemed like I was stepping into an empty shell.

The house seemed cold and even the bedroom seemed barely lived in.

Dust covered things and from what I could tell, the sheets were barely touched.

Britt had seen all of this because usually it was her that brought Ali to Quinn when she couldn't pick her up which is probably why she had been so adamant about me coming back.

She saw what this was doing to Q and just how much I was missing.

My refusal to come home had meant that I hadn't even passed the threshold...

Why had I been so stubborn?

* * *

_"San?"_

I kissed the side of her face and pulled her into me.

_"I'm here, baby."_

_"I'm sorry."_ She whispered as she pressed a kiss to my collarbone.

I shuddered as heat took over my body.

_"Shhh...sleep a while longer."_ I whispered as I rubbed her back and kissed her forehead.

_"Okay."_ She mumbled before sighing and falling back into a fitful sleep.

I needed to stop neglecting her.

Ali hadn't been the only one that had become distant from Quinn...at least they still saw each other every day...

Sometimes, if the gigs were as crammed as they had been, I could go a week or two without seeing Q at all.

That had been Britt's point.

Being away from home was making it worse.

And now, with something wrong with Beth...who knew how much space would exist between us.

Seeing her hurt, hit me deep down and from what I could see...this was enough to make her go over the edge.

After everything that she has done for me...I knew in my heart that I couldn't let that happen.

* * *

**Quinn's POV**

* * *

I had forgotten how it felt to be wrapped up in her arms.

How is that even possible?

And when I woke up to the sound of my phone buzzing and she was still holding me, I felt honored.

_"Do you want to get that?"_ She asked as she looked into my eyes.

I smiled and shook my head.

Right now, I just needed this moment with her.

The world outside was a scary place and in that moment, I didn't feel strong enough to deal with it.

At least not alone...

_"Just don't let me go yet."_ I mumbled before leaning forward and kissing her lips.

She froze as our lips met for the first time in almost a year but she was quick to kiss me back.

The passion still radiated from her and that relieved me more than I thought it would.

Her arm was wrapped around me and her hand came to rest half on my face and half in my hair.

I soaked in the feeling of having her legs tangled with mine as she deepened the kiss.

And when I nibbled on her lip, she let out a deep moan that had me fiending for more of her.

It was like we were getting a drink of water after a long trek through the desert.

The need that existed was one that demanded that we not let go of each other.

That we hold on tighter and sink deeper into one another.

It felt good and even though it was random...it was timed perfectly.

My wife was home...

In our bed...

With me and that was more than I could have wished for.

It had been exactly what I had been longing for.

* * *

Our loving was slow and comforting as she absorbed my pain.

So much had been going through my head all night long but as she worshiped every inch of me, I felt like she was restoring a vacant part of me.

_"There."_ I whispered as her hands scratched at the pale skin of my thighs. _"Yessss."_ I hissed as she continued to work me up.

I buried my fingers into her hair and kept my eyes closed as the tears poured from me.

The sobs that left me as I cried were threatening to drown me but she held me even now.

Her hands rubbed at my legs and hips as she continued her ministrations.

When my orgasm ripped through me a few moments later and I gripped her hair so hard that she bit down on me, it nearly caused me to pass out but her hands kept me in the present.

Never did she not touch me.

Even as she crawled up my body and proceeded to kiss my wet cheeks, she made sure that her hands held me tight.

I was feeling like I was losing myself and she was doing everything that she could to keep me with her.

The last year seemed to completely disappear and was filled with only that moment.

Just me and her.

Gone were the thoughts of what had happened to my baby girl, replaced with a feeling of calm that pervaded my senses.

_"Thank you."_ I whispered just before I fell into darkness, wrapped in the warmest cocoon of safety and love.

* * *

_**A/N: So I'm going through things...I wanted to do more here but in this state of mind...I'd kill everyone with some alien meteor attack and so I'm stopping right here. :)** **Errors are all mine...glee is not. Until next time...ciao!  
**_

_**-A**_


	22. Lean

_**A/N: I feel like I have been gone forever!**_

_**My ode to you patient chicas! :)**_

_**Enjoy!**_

* * *

**Lean (Jimmy Eat World)**

* * *

**Santana's POV**

* * *

It was fucking excruciating.

My face felt hot as I just fucking stood there as Q clutched Beth's limp hand.

What more could I do?

I felt completely helpless but I knew that she needed me here with her and so I stood behind her, silently, rubbing her shoulders and staring down at her blonde roots instead of looking at the bed in front of us.

I needed to have control of my emotions and I needed to distract myself.

Beth and Quinn were almost identical and so it was too easy for my mind to imagine my wife laid out...bruised and broken.

Like in high school...it was something that I couldn't bear...not even for a second.

_"Do you think that she'll ever wake up on her own?"_ I heard Quinn croak out, startling me out of my inspection of her hair follicles.

_"I hope so."_ I whispered and in return, she sighed and rested her head back against my stomach.

_"Me too."_

In that moment guilt surged through me and I was wishing that I hadn't let the relationship between Q and Papi to get so bad.

Even though I knew that he would come, there was no telling the amount of tension that his presence would create.

But I was starting not to care about that.

If this were Ali, God forbid, I would swallow rocks and crow if it meant that I could help her.

Q should feel the same right?

* * *

The door creaked open and Shelby tiptoed in with a pale look on her face.

She looked just as bad as Beth did but she wasn't the one on life support and so was probably neglecting her own needs.

I knew the signs of hurt and pain pushed aside.

A martyr generally without a cause, suddenly thrust into a painful situation.

But I guess it takes one to know one because Quinn sighed heavily and tipped her chin up.

_"I need to know how this happened."_ She said with so much pain in her voice that even I cringed.

_"I told you...she was in a car accident."_ Shelby gritted out while brushing Beth's golden dark blonde hair from her face.

Shelby's face was a bit swollen and even though she insisted that she wasn't in this_ "accident"_, I could tell that my wife didn't believe her.

And neither did I.

_"Cut the crap Shelby, what really happened. This isn't the time for your manipulative games."_ I finally snapped after feeling the way that Q was shaking.

Beth had always been her weakness and it seemed like this was extra hard on her.

I wouldn't let her break because of Shelby being an ice queen.

_"This isn't any of your concern Santana and just because she isn't awake doesn't mean you can talk like that in the presence on my daughter!"_ She snapped back at me.

I bristled and was about to snap back at her when I felt a warm hand reach up and rub mine.

In my anger, I had tightened my grip on Quinn's shoulder and her touch brought me back to myself.

_"Can you go check on Ali?"_ She whispered sparing me a glance for the first time in almost an hour.

She was giving me an out, one that I didn't want but probably needed.

And so I took it.

* * *

I wasn't expecting to run straight into Puck when I stepped into the waiting room but it made complete sense.

We did share a baby mama after all.

_"Santana?"_

I looked up into his whiskey colored eyes and suddenly was craving a drink and a cigarette.

_"Hey Puckerman...um...hey."_

What was I supposed to say?

I hadn't exactly kept up with him, even if we had been close at some point.

Plus, this was a really crazy situation.

_"How is she?"_ He asked as I stood blocking the doorway that led to his daughter's hospital room.

My mind had gone blank and suddenly, I couldn't keep up with reality.

It was taking serious effort to keep myself together.

_"Huh?"_

_"Beth...how is she?"_

Even after all of this time, Puck's obvious discomfort immediately made me feel for him.

_"They have her in a medically induced coma..."_

_"Yea?"_ He said as he swallowed back his emotions but failing miserably.

God, this was getting harder by the minute.

I watched his face crumble and put my hand on his shoulder, attempting to comfort him but feeling way too uncomfortable.

My skin was tight and I just wanted to crawl out of it.

What was I doing here?

I felt like an intruder in all of this.

* * *

Visiting hours ended and Shelby asked Quinn to leave.

I had expected her to put up a fight but something had changed.

Whatever Shelby said to Quinn after I left the room had influenced the way that she was acting...I was sure of it.

_"Are you going to come back home with me?"_

I held tightly to Quinn's hand as I hailed a cab and turned to look into the saddest expression.

Her eyes were a dark green and tears were sitting on the red rims of her eyes.

My heart raced as I looked at her...there was no other place that I wanted to be.

_"I was going to go back...um...to Britt's."_

Her whole body deflated as I pulled open the back door of the cab.

_"Oh...ok."_

She went to close the door herself but at the last second, I changed my mind.

Even though I didn't want to.

A part of me just wanted her to not be so attached...

To not be so focused on Beth who had a mother and to remember that our own child hadn't seen her in two days.

But then I looked at how broken she was and I couldn't deny her.

* * *

_"Compromise, Ana."_ A voice whispered to me and then suddenly, I felt the tell-tale shift.

A shift that let me know that I wasn't alone in my head anymore.

_"How?"_ I whispered back silently as I climbed into the cab with my wife and put my arm around her.

_"Go get Ali."_ The voice said.

_"Who are you?"_ I whispered back.

_"I'm you...the you that Snix thought she killed. It's time to be in control again...be what she needs. We did it once with Brittany and we can do it again with Quinn."_

_"I don't think that I can."_

_"We can...trust me."_

_"I can't."_ I whispered aloud.

Quinn turned to me and looked at my face hard before she placed her palm against my cheek.

_"San? I know that I've been selfish...how are you, baby love."_

I nearly cracked apart at her concern.

And then suddenly, my mouth was moving and my hands were clutching hers in my lap.

_"I'm okay...I promise."_ I said before leaning forward and telling the cab driver Britt's address. I looked back at Quinn and could see the doubt on her face and then I smiled._ "There is a little girl who needs her Mom tonight."_

Quinn looked at me with so much uncertainty that it made me nauseous.

She still didn't get it.

_"Show her."_ The voice said and I nodded.

I pulled Quinn tighter into my arms and then tipped up her chin before kissing her.

* * *

Even with the kiss, she still didn't understand that I was back.

As we pulled up to Britt's, she pulled away from my embrace and climbed out of the opposite door.

I could have reassured her right then but I needed to get my head together.

My medicine had been at Britt's and since I hadn't come back to her place last night, I hadn't taken them and then all day today went by.

I had been fine...muddled through but even with this more positive voice sharing my head space, I didn't trust myself to think straight.

Especially around Ali...I refused to take that chance...ever again.

And so, even though Quinn was falling apart, I walked ahead of her.

When Britt saw me, it was like she knew immediately and when she saw the Quinn was behind me, I saw the worry wrinkle her expression but then it turned to concern.

One of the things that I have always fought so hard to do, show empathy, came naturally for Britt.

She immediately pulled Q into her arms and I stood to the side as I watched my wife break apart in her arms.

Britt turned them so that Quinn's back was to me, her eyes raked over me and then blue met brown.

She knew.

Her eyebrow raised and I nodded.

It was all the reassurance that she needed as I headed to go get my head together.

* * *

After locking myself in the bathroom, waiting patiently for the pills to kick in, I headed to the room that I had been sharing with Ali.

She laid in the center of the big bed, surrounded by pillows with her thumb sucked securely between her lips.

Every time that I see that tiny piece of me, my heart swells and the wind gets knocked out of me.

And then suddenly, empathy filled me...

Quinn had carried Beth for nine months...I had done the same with Ali.

Just like me, Quinn had held her naked baby against her chest and cried with joy when she looked at her little face, picking apart her features reflected back at her.

I had been blocking out the comparison all day long but now, as I look at my little girl, I finally get it.

She needed me to understand, needed to lean on me and know that I was going to feel for her...

And now thanks to our little miracle...I got it.

Quinn had barely got to know Beth and now she was losing her...before she got her chance.

My eyes stung with fresh tears as I packed up my suitcase with mine and Ali's clothes.

It was time for us to go home...

Quinn was blessed to have another chance at being a mom and I was standing in her way...

And while she was letting me...I had caved too easily when she missed out on Ali's milestones.

I had taken her always being there for granted.

She was letting me but that was just what she did,

Quinn always let people walk all over her, mistreat her and it was my job to make sure that she gave herself a fair shot.

I had been doing a terrible job as her best friend, her partner, her wife and it was time to fix it.

* * *

When I walked down the stairs with a suitcase in one hand and a sleeping toddler thrown across my chest, Britt was standing there with a grin.

_"Finally."_ She said before taking my suitcase from me so that I could hold Ali more securely.

_"Where is she?"_

_"The kitchen on the phone with Puck."_

_"Oh."_

_"Beth still isn't awake...are you sure that you want to take Ali home? I can keep her for a few days...Derek has the kids for the rest of the week...I don't mind."_

I shook my head and rubbed Ali's back, resting my lips against her soft cheek.

_"You have done more than enough, B. I owe you a thousand times over but it's time to go home."_

She shrugged and nodded.

_"I understand."_

For a moment, I still felt unsure but then Britt's arms came around me and I allowed her to just soothe away my doubt.

_"Tell me that it's going to be okay, B."_ I whispered as she rocked us in her arms.

I heard her sniffle and then she kissed my cheek before pulling away.

_"You're doing what's right for your family...when you do things out of love, it will always be okay. Just let your heart guide you...be there for her...be open and remember the little things are just as important as the big things. Okay?"_

I brushed at my new tears and nodded.

_"Thanks, B."_

* * *

Ali was tucked in her room and I was unpacking my suitcase in my closet when her arms came around my waist.

I rested back against her and pulled her arms tighter.

_"I can't believe you're both home."_ She whispered into my hair.

Her body was shaking and her words held a quiver to them.

I turned in her arms and buried my hands in her hair, rubbing and scratching circles against her scalp.

She groaned and my body immediately responded.

My lips met hers as I gripped her hair tighter and her hands took purchase on my ass.

I growled when she lifted me enough so that I could wrap my legs around her waist.

Her arms were my home.

Our kiss got deeper as my back slammed against the door.

_"Are you sure?"_ I mumbled as our eyes met.

_"Don't ask me questions like that."_ She said as she began to lift my shirt at the hem.

Her body was firmly pressed against mine and her nails were raking across my hips as she raised her eyebrow.

She was challenging me but I couldn't take her seriously...not until I knew.

_"Q-"_ I went to say but she shook her head.

_"I need this, Santana...I need to have you under me...I need to be fucking you."_

The fire in her eyes was sparking as she thrusted her hips against mine.

In the next moment her lips met my collarbone, followed by her teeth as she nipped and nibbled on the sensitive flesh of my neck.

_"Please?"_ I groaned.

My body was vibrating against her as she continued her ministrations.

_"Please what?"_ She said with a smirk.

_"Fuck me. Please?"_ I begged.

_"Oh baby love...I love it when you beg."_

* * *

**_A/N: Yes...I know...but think about it...I will continue this in one whole chapter! Did you miss me? It's good to be back._**

**_Mistakes are all mine to clean up later...didn't want to delay any longer.  
_**

**_See you soon!_ **

**_-A_**


	23. Lay Your Cards Out

_**A/N: Starting right where I left off...just so you know! Errors are mine to fix...I'll be back for them...in the mean time...**_

_**Enjoy ;)~ **_

_**-A**_

* * *

**Lay Your Cards Out (Poliça)**

* * *

**Quinn's POV**

* * *

I just wanted to not think.

The last twenty-four hours had been hell and only one good thing had come out of it,

Santana and Ali were home.

I had my family back and I wasn't going to take it for granted, not even for a second.

_"Stop thinking."_

Her brown eyes flickered with heat and I melted.

_"Distract me."_ I growled before smirking at her.

Her eyes narrowed and she nodded.

_"That can be arranged."_

_"How?"_ I flirted back as I pressed my body against hers.

She moaned as I pressed my fingers against the crotch of her damp panties.

God, how I had missed that feeling.

I felt guilty about not pushing harder to get her back home.

She could see my mind going again and so she buried her fingers in my hair and pulled my face forward until we were centimeters apart.

_"Don't let what happened keep you from this, Q. It's me and you and you and me...I love you and I want you to understand that even if I was away, my mind, my body and my orgasms belong to you."_

_"Mmmm."_

She smirked and then my lips were attached to hers.

We were all lip and teeth and tongue.

Every movement from that kiss to her hips grinding against mine, furthered our goal of reconnecting.

Nothing short of death was going to stop us.

I was sure of it.

Which was why I was silently waiting for the second shoe to drop.

Waiting for some known or unknown entity to shatter the fragile love we were rekindling.

* * *

That moment didn't come.

I sank my fingers into her as I waited still.

She moaned and rocked against me.

Still nothing interrupted.

My mind was gone as I pressed her further and further towards her high.

Eyes clenched and fingers digging against my flesh, she grunted and groaned as I went faster and deeper.

_"Unnnnhhhh!"_ She muttered before dropping her head against my shoulder. _"Q...please...plea...ayyy!"_ She whimpered as I continued to raise her close to her peak before slowing down.

Over and over, I took her to the edge and then pulled her back.

She was on the verge of insanity as her body shook in my arms.

I was waiting...holding out, afraid that I would not be able to give her what she needed.

Afraid that I would screw things up.

_"Beg."_ I said roughly against her ear, needing to hear that this wasn't a one time thing.

My mind needing to know that this wasn't about pity or just plain distraction.

And she didn't disappoint.

She lifted her head and kissed my lips before looking into my eyes with a stern expression.

_"I need you, Q. Para siempre, amor. Please...pl...please give...me...please? I n-need you."_ She said with a sudden smile. _"Please give me you?"_ She begged perfectly as always.

* * *

**Santana's POV**

* * *

I went blind.

Her touch was setting every single fucking nerve ending on fire.

Never before had it felt so intense...ever!

I don't even think that I was speaking in English or Spanish anymore.

Jumbled syllables were falling from my lips as I came over and over, one on top of another until they were colliding as she continued to stroke me.

My body had gone without her touch for so long that even though I felt like I couldn't handle anymore,

Even though I was temporarily blind,

I didn't stop her.

Everything in me, needed to be reminded of what I had let slip through my fingers.

_"San?"_ She sounded worried as her fingers stopped their movements.

_"Hmm?"_ I hummed against her shoulder as spots faded behind my eyes.

_"Baby love...did I hurt you?"_

_"Naaauhhh."_ I mumbled as I shook my head against her shoulder before tucking my lips against her neck.

_"You were crying."_ She whispered as she held me tighter in her arms.

My limbs remained locked around her body as she began to walk with me.

I felt comfort in her arms and I wanted to stay there forever.

Right then, I didn't want to talk about the things that I had done in the last year...

I didn't want to talk about what had kept me from her because if I was honest with myself...there was a reason.

But I couldn't let that slip...it didn't matter.

Nothing happened.

_"Yea right!"_ That voice said as it snickered.

_"Get out of my head."_ I murmured back.

When I noticed Q's body get stiff, I realized that I had said that out loud.

And so the moment that I was back on my feet, the moment that I saw Quinn's eyes squinting at me and wondering if I was splitting off,

I ran.

* * *

I was out of practice.

Before I made it into the hallway, I felt my body being lifted clear off the ground.

Why did I insist on being with women who were taller than me?

I felt like Rachel freaking Berry at that moment.

_"You aren't going to run away from me anymore."_ She murmured against my ear as she carried me like a rag doll until she tossed me down on the bed.

When I went to sit up, it was to her straddling my hips and looking down at me with her arms crossed over her chest.

Her fingers still glistened and I found myself getting turned on all over again.

She was waiting for something...

Waiting for me to talk but I couldn't.

And then she was hovering over me, hands on either side of my head.

_"I wasn't running."_ I finally said with a shrug.

She cocked her eyebrow and I couldn't help my nervous laughter.

I was enamored with her, her lips and her eyes and every other perfect aspect of her.

She was beautiful and perfect and I had no business taking her for granted.

All over one mistake.

How many had I made?

She had stuck by me.

I sucked ass.

Like major ass.

* * *

**Quinn's POV**

* * *

She was hiding something from me.

I knew that she had done something...she couldn't lie to me but is it crazy that I didn't care?

Is it crazy that I would have accepted her back in our bed in any way, shape, or form?

After all that we have been through, there was nothing that she could do that would send me running for the hills.

But I could see her doubt and worry.

She needed to absolve herself and I was game.

_"I don't want to know."_ I said as I kissed the damp skin on her neck.

This time it was her that froze up but I just kept kissing her skin.

Kept trailing my fingers against her firm stomach.

She hissed as my knee dropped between her thighs.

I could feel the wetness dripping from her and smiled.

_"Uhhhh."_ She groaned as I moved my knee in circles.

_"But I know you..."_ I continued as I began to divest her of her remaining clothes.

She shivered beneath me as I tossed the last of her clothes over my shoulder.

I tried to hide my surprise when I saw two new tattoos, one on each side.

_"Mmmmm."_

I traced a finger over the words before following up with my lips.

Her body trembled and I couldn't help my laugh.

I came back to rest above her, my knee still making circles against her wetness as I watched her lips part and little breathy moans began to erupt from her.

_"Did you cheat?"_ I asked, even though it was the last thing that I wanted to hear.

Tears immediately sprung to her eyes and my heart sank.

Her lip was trapped between her teeth but I didn't stop my movements.

She cried as her orgasm crashed over her.

_"Ayyy! Fuck! I'm sorry...I'm sorry."_ She muttered as she reached her hands up to capture my face.

_"Who?"_ I asked through my own tears as my heart broke apart.

She shook her head and closed her eyes.

_"Please?"_ She begged without opening them and instead choosing to cover them with her palms.

_"Was it Britt?"_ I asked as my throat began to close.

She shook her head.

_"I wish."_ She muttered before sucking in a shaky breath.

It wasn't Brittany...

She had been with someone else outside of our trinity.

Outside of the limits that my mind and heart would allow.

And right then, suddenly, I cared.

For reasons beyond my comprehension, San being with someone other than Brittany was just unacceptable.

How is that even sane?

* * *

I was angry but I put on my façade and refused to let her see me break apart.

Now I wanted to know.

And judging by the look in her eyes...she knew.

_"On your knees."_ I heard myself growl as I slid onto my feet.

Even if I was unsure of what came next...I needed to feel better.

And she needed to atone.

Even if that hadn't been what she wanted...

Now that I knew...I could see that she needed it.

I could tell by the way that she nodded and without even a moment's hesitation, she was kneeling there before me with tears in her eyes.

As I looked at her, dark hair resting over her shoulders, eyes big and soft, I could feel all the hurt drain from me.

Something in that expression called out to me.

Suddenly, I was hurtling back to when I had been stuck between Finn and Puck, isolated by Finn, I had turned to his best friend looking for an answer to the questions that I had inside.

I could see myself in her eyes and I was grateful for the perspective.

_"I'm sorry." _She said as she crossed her arms over herself.

_"Who was it?"_ I asked again as I dropped down onto the edge of the bed.

My body felt weary along with my mind.

She shrugged.

And the anger came back.

_"Please tell me that you didn't hook up with some random person?!"_ I snapped.

Her head dropped and a murky feeling filled me.

And this time I was running.

I didn't trust myself.

Even if I had no right.

My palms itched...

I wanted her to feel my hurt.

And I didn't trust that I wouldn't take advantage of her on her knees.

_"Quinn wait!"_ She called after me just as my foot reached our threshold.

I looked back at her and noticed that she hadn't moved from her knees even though she was facing me now.

_"What?"_ I snapped at her.

_"I didn't touch her..."_ She said lamely before sighing.

That hadn't been what she was going to say.

_"When and how?"_

_"Um...it was-"_

I could almost hear Britt's description of their break-up all those years ago and I felt heat flood my veins.

_"I swear to...fuck...if you say an energy exchange, I will kick your ass!"_

* * *

**Santana's POV**

* * *

This had started with me wanting to distract her.

I had been successful...but maybe too much?

And so even though she wanted me on my knees and I was willing to do that...it was time to turn the tables on this sinking ship.

I stood to my feet and looked at her with as much conviction as I could.

_"Did you?"_ I asked and suddenly felt the burning of my skin. Her eyebrows raised and I decided to be specific because this wasn't the time to dance around our shit. _"After I moved out...did you cheat?"_

I had promised myself that I would keep from asking if she had been unfaithful but now here we were...skin smelling of sex and sweat...putting everything out on the table.

She faltered and I knew.

* * *

Her head dropped, blonde hair draped around her face and then she raised her head and looked at me with the softest smile.

_"I did."_

_"So we are even?"_ I asked as I took a step closer.

She nodded and then her smile got bigger.

_"I guess we are."_

_"Do you want to end this marriage for good, Q?"_ I asked as I stepped forward again, listening intently, even though I didn't want to hear the answer.

_"Never."_ She said as she dropped her arms to her side and tilted her head a bit. _"You?"_ She whispered as she bit her lip.

My heart swelled and I shook my head.

_"Never."_ I said back as I finally stepped into her personal space.

Her breaths were coming out in small bursts.

I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her against me.

She looked at me and got pale before licking her lips and attempting to smile again.

_"Then we can get back to fucking?"_ She asked and I barked out a huge laugh.

_"If you are sure that you are okay."_

_"I am if you are...I mean...are you still cheating? Do you want to keep cheating?"_

I shook my head.

_"You're it for me, Lucy Q."_

_"Since we both cleansed our palettes can we get back to being fucking flawless?"_

_"That can be arranged."_ I whispered against her skin before nipping and kissing her neck.

She dug her nails into my back and I bit down harder.

_"Prove it."_ She whispered but then I stopped...she wasn't the only one that liked the begging and she knew it. _"Please? Fuck me?"_

_"All you had to do is ask."_

* * *

**_A/N: Mmmm...I'm not looking for the way to your heart...I've had an argument similar to this...and I'm seven years in...don't question my realism...life happens.  
_**

**_That is all._**

**_-A_**


	24. Warrior

_**A/N: I ranted last chapter but I think that I'm better now. **_

_**Here's another time JUMP...this time two years.**_

_**Enjoy!**_

_**-A**_

* * *

**Warrior (Demi Lovato)**

* * *

**Santana's POV**

* * *

I was wide awake but my eyes were closed as I took a deep breath.

The water lapped at my skin and cooled the ache in my side.

How long had it been since I acknowledged the ache?

My body moved without my permission as it floated around the pool.

Someone was coming closer but I didn't bother to open my eyes.

If it was Q then it wouldn't matter if I was awake or pretending to sleep, she would still interrupt me.

And I didn't mind.

But then I felt a cool hand touch my side...just at the ache and I recognized it.

A smile lit up my face as I opened my eyes and slowly eased down into the water.

My little fish greeted me with a smile as her floaties held her above the water.

_"Mami!"_ She giggled before splashing into my open arms.

_"Hi baby."_ I said before lifting her and spinning her around.

She hadn't come into the pool alone but I wasn't ready to acknowledge my ex-wife just yet.

Things were still hard between us.

Beth's death had completely destroyed our delicate marriage but thankfully the animosity was non-existent.

Our persisting love for each other was what was hard.

She had given me those divorce papers and I didn't fight it.

I just smiled and agreed to dissolve our union like it was a mistake.

But she regretted it.

Especially now that I was about to bring another life into this world.

* * *

_"Are you hungry, Ali?"_ I asked as I put a hot dog on the plate in front of her.

She licked her lips and nodded.

_"Si, Mami."_

I smiled as I watched her fold her hands together and bow her head.

Quinn had taught her to pray almost as soon as she could understand and I didn't fight it.

Teaching a kid to have faith in something was definitely worth it as far as I was concerned.

Someday someone would pull the world from under her feet and she needed to know that she had a ground to land on.

Faith is what made me sign those divorce papers a year ago.

And it was faith that had me believing that Quinn and I weren't finished.

But even though I had faith still...I knew that she didn't.

I hadn't told her that I was pregnant...in fact, I had just started showing this weekend and this was the first time that she was seeing me.

There were probably a million questions floating around her head.

Was I doing this alone?

Had I committed myself to someone else?

* * *

_"Are you hungry, Q?"_ I asked as I looked over her thin frame.

While she had been pondering my life choices, I was observing hers.

She looked sickly, skinny and pale most of the time and I hadn't seen her eat in an eternity.

Her depression had me worried most of the time and usually when she picked up Ali, I was a nervous wreck the entire time.

She shook her head.

_"Um...no thanks."_ She shrugged before patting her pockets.

I knew what she was looking for and I saw how disappointed she was when she couldn't find them.

Her cigarettes.

_"Q, come on, please? Just something small...I have bacon burgers."_ I said, hoping to entice her into eating an old favorite.

And for a moment, she perked up before her eyes fell on my stomach and her demeanor returned to that of a zombie.

She grabbed her purse from the patio table and then shook her head.

_"I'm okay, I need to get back to my office, I have a new case that I need to work on. Thanks for letting me take her for a few hours. I put her bag in her room."  
_

I wanted to let her walk away.

I mean after all, she had wanted this separation.

She had urged me to sign those papers and now I had to watch as she fell apart.

Again.

* * *

_"There's no one else, Q."_ I blurted out as she turned to walk away.

She froze in place, clutching her bag and shaking.

Even with her back to me, I knew that she was trying not to look at me...trying not to cry.

_"Why?"_

It was a simple question but the inflection told me that there was a shit load of feelings behind it.

_"Look at me, Q."_

I glanced back at Ali before stepping closer to Quinn.

She sensed my presence and her body went stiff as I touched her elbow.

I expected her to whip around and eviscerate me...give me hell but that wasn't what she did.

Instead of freaking, she relaxed.

_"Tell me why first."_

Normally, I would insist that she turn around and look me in the eye but I would continue to play on her terms.

At least, for now.

_"You know why." _I said as I began to rub her arm. _"I already told you. There is no one else for me, Q. You ruined me for other people. I just want to be yours. You're it for me."_ I admitted before glancing back at Ali who was still eating, oblivious to her parents barely holding it together.

In that small amount of time that I had turned my head, Q had prepared to knock me off my feet.

I turned back to feel her lips pressed against mine.

Fireworks.

They still existed.

Heat.

Still burned.

We.

Couldn't be broken.

* * *

I cradled Ali in my arms as we made our way inside the house.

The place wasn't a mansion but it was probably way too big for just me and Ali.

But it was home.

Selling off our house and buying this one had been my best decision.

There weren't memories of the bad stuff and the hot stuff.

In this house, a river away from New York, I felt peace.

When I first got it, Quinn had been shocked that I wanted to be in New Jersey but I shrugged and told her that Hoboken meant something special to me.

It was a better place to raise our daughter but she saw it as a way to put space between us.

She was wrong.

* * *

In fact, she was rarely right these days.

Leaving her cushy job at that law firm to work on her own.

Wrong...she was bleeding money.

Divorcing the woman who loved her unconditionally.

Wrong and stupid...her apartment in the city was empty and cold.

But she had lost her first-born.

Shelby had killed herself soon after and now Quinn was left as an empty shell.

Puck had moved on, he had other children but she was reliving the pain every waking moment.

Ali couldn't replace what she had lost.

Beth had come from her body and Ali had not.

It hurt.

Knowing that Ali, her living daughter was taking second place to a ghost.

But what was I supposed to do?

Canada couldn't save Quinn...she was haunted no matter where she went.

Me and Ali couldn't save her because she was fighting with herself and I had been there.

I had fought with my own demons and I knew how hard it could be.

But I tried to be supportive.

Tried to still be there but it was like she was a skank all over again.

* * *

This pregnancy had been a distraction...something that I needed to do for myself.

Subconsciously, a last-ditch effort to get her to come home.

But consciously it was about me wanting to give Ali a sibling before she got too old to want one and I didn't want to wait for Q.

She was too in her own head to bother about this sort of thing.

I was prepared to do this alone.

Britt had warned me not to do it.

I hadn't listened and I didn't regret it.

Not yet at least.

_"Do you expect me to be a part of this baby's life?"_

I had just finished giving Ali a bath and setting her up with a movie when Quinn had appeared looking determined.

My heart fluttered.

I hadn't seen this version of Q in so long that the thought of her becoming anything like the woman who I married, well that just made my hormones run wild.

Despite her paler look and the weight that she lost,

Her lips still looked plump and her eyes still shined.

I was completely distracted until she cleared her throat.

_"Huh?"_ I sputtered as I leaned against the table.

She reached out and pulled my hand into hers before stepping closer.

Closer than she had been in a year plus and I felt like a guy about to lose my junk.

Maybe Finnept's mailman problem had to do with such close proximity to a girl like Quinn Fabray.

Because shit, after so many years, she still had me feeling like I would do anything for her.

* * *

She knew it.

In this state even, Quinn knew the power that she had over me.

She smiled and brought my hand to her lips and then asked again.

_"Do you want me to be a parent to this baby, Santana?"_

_"Uh huh."_ I said as I nodded, memorized by the gold in her eyes. _"Please?"_

My throat was dry as I whispered my plea.

Her eyebrow quirked up and then the biggest smile spread across her face.

I swooned.

_"Do you think that you would be willing to take an idiot like me back?"_

_"Well I never let you go in the first place."_

_"Is that a yes?" _She purred against my ear before pulling back with a smirk.

More dripping.

I nodded and then she leaned in the rest of the way and kissed my lips.

Again...fireworks.

* * *

_"I'm dripping."_ I muttered against her ear.

_"Is that right?"_ She asked as she pulled away and looked down at my skimpy bikini bottoms.

I nodded again.

_"So right."_ I groaned as her hand slid down my side and took purchase on my hip.

_"Mmmm...think you can get a baby sitter_?"

And just like that...I knew that she had hooked me again.

Not that I was fighting it.

If I was honest with myself, this had been something that I had been wishing for since the divorce.

A year of waiting and it took a little baby bump and a smile to get her back home.

But then...what did that mean?

Would she be present?

Would she seek help?

Or would this be yet another time that we fixed things, only for our relationship to implode?

I was nervous but I had faith.

It was the only thing that I could rely on...

That and Brittany.

* * *

_"Hey stranger!"_ Britt's voice came onto the phone sounding chipper.

Just how I liked her.

_"Hey B...how are you?"_

_"Great...hanging with Gigi and the kids."_

_"Yea? What are you up to?"_

And then she chuckled.

_"Be honest, you don't really care...just ask me already."_

I sighed, she had caught me.

But doesn't she always?

_"Can you watch Ali tonight?"_

_"You know that I don't mind...please tell me that it's for a good reason? Tell me that you aren't passing her off just so that you can mope around the house."_

_"It's Q...she um...wants to work on us."_

_"Which means, you want to have sexy times...right?"_

_"It's more than sex, B. This is me trying to fix what's broken."_

And then came the lecture sigh.

I hated that sigh.

_"This doesn't sound healthy, San."_

_"B...come on...please?"_

_"Can you just promise me something?"_

_"Anything."_ I said, feeling the dripping and the hormones and the desperation.

_"Promise me that you will actually talk about your relationship and her getting help. Promise me that this won't just be sex."_

_"Uh..."_

My heart dropped.

How could I promise that?

How many times had Q and I done this dance?

It was like a cold bucket of ice was poured down my pants.

My silence spoke volumes.

* * *

_"You know what, B...just forget it...forget I called."_

_"San...wait!"_

I hadn't hung up yet when she called out to me and then I couldn't bring myself to hang up on her.

_"What?"_

_"Why don't you bring her over...we could watch movies, hang out."_

I sighed, her heart was in a good place.

But I couldn't date my ex-wife with chaperones.

That was just not something that I was willing to do.

_"Why can't you see what I see, B? Why can't you see that this time is different?"_

_"How? Tell me how this is different from the fifty other times this has happened and I will come get Ali."_

_"I can't."_ I said with a sigh.

Because this was the same.

I pulled away and Quinn came back.

Quinn pushed me away and I stayed away until she was ready.

Same song, same fucking dance.

I hated to admit it but Britt was right.

* * *

After hanging up with Britt, I ended up setting up a play date/sleep over with one of the neighbors.

In all that time, I had really harped over Britt's words.

And so when I got back and Quinn was sitting there on my bed looking freshly showered and ready to go at it...it took all of my will power to shut her down.

_"We can't do this, Q."_ I said as I hovered by the door.

Any closer and I would lose my resolve.

_"Why not?"_ She asked, her whole aura immediately turned grey and she looked like the saddest thing I had ever laid eyes on.

I wanted her so badly but I had to be strong.

_"Because I don't know you anymore."_ I admitted finally.

Her face fell and she stood up, face set to steel, ready to defend herself but I did the unexpected.

I dropped to my knees and looked up at her.

* * *

_"What are you doing?"_ She asked as she stood there looking unsure of herself.

_"This is me...it always has been. We both know this. For you I will do anything, I will submit myself to whatever you have for me. I will let you top me and direct me. I wait for you...I bend for you. It's why we are in this predicament. I have let you walk all over me, Q. I have let you walk in and out of my life at your every whim. And this."_ I grabbed the heat between my thighs and fought the tremble that shook me and looked at her with as much confidence as I could._ "This has always belonged to you, even when I was fucking other people just to get you off my mind...I never fucking came. Never could get off because it wasn't you. That's the hold that you have over me. It's pathetic and I can't...can't do things this way anymore."_

She looked shell-shocked.

Never before had I openly talked about how things were between us.

But it was time.

I had to regain who I was.

Strong, confident, and brave.

I couldn't debase myself for her and let her fuck with my heart.

Even if she was still the most beautiful fucking creature on this planet...

She had hurt me, endlessly with all the back and forth.

But I couldn't let her hurt me anymore.

Either we were strong together,

Fought the world together

Or we were nothing.

* * *

**_A/N: Last chapter soon...I think. _**

**_Yea?_ **

_**Back for the errors later...thanks for the love. **_

**_You chicas are still amazing! :)_ **


	25. You're Still The One

**_A/N: My heart aches...I'm sure that's what influenced this chapter...sending out lots of love today! Thanks for being the best readers a chica could ask for!_**

**_Enjoy._**

**_-A_**

* * *

**You're Still The One (Shania Twain)**

* * *

**Quinn's POV**

* * *

_"Did you ever think, way back a million years ago when we were just petty teenagers that we would be doing this?" _

I stared at my reflection wistfully, hoping that I could stem the flow of tears that were leaking from my eyes.

Her hand touched my back and I turned into her arms.

Things between us in the past few years had been incredibly hard but we had persevered.

_"No...but after all this time, I think that I have learned to look at life and just take things as they come."_

_"This though...it's probably the hardest thing that we will have to do."_

_"I agree but the amazing thing about our old glee club is that even with all the fighting and incestuous relationships, we stick together. This day isn't going to be easy for any of us but as long as we keep holding on...keep supporting each other, we should be okay."_

_"How are you so strong?"_ I asked as I looked into those eyes that still made me swoon.

_"I'm just a great actress, believe me...I'm falling apart inside, Q."_

_"Promise me that you won't hold it in today, that you will let out whatever you are feeling, even if you have to walk away."_

She sighed but wasn't going to argue.

It had been years since she had lost control of her mind but we knew too well just how easy it was to lose that control.

_"Okay, I promise."_ She whispered before leaning in and capturing my lips.

_"I love you so much."_

_"I love you...forever and ever, Q."_

* * *

The rain came pouring down as we stood around with tears and cries.

It wasn't the kind of thing that we had ever thought of...naively thinking that we were immortal.

But we were very mortal.

I held my wife's hand tightly in my own and just rubbed at her back the entire time.

The truth is that before any of this, we had been having some problems.

We were in therapy...I was still healing from losing Beth and she was still healing from her miscarriage.

The word divorce had never come up but separation had been tossed around a few times.

But we kept finding reasons to stick it out.

Loss can ruin relationships...her dad had stressed that.

So we made life about Ali,

And while our daughter was enjoying the attention...things were tense.

We had just started talking again...opening a dialogue when this insane thing had happened.

Life was too short.

I think that was something that we both realized at this point.

* * *

**Santana's POV**_  
_

* * *

I wrapped my arm around my sleeping wife as we floated 40,000 feet over New York City.

Being back in Lima had really put our lives into perspective.

Seeing so much heartbreak and sadness among my old glee clubbers had me wishing that I could just wrap my arms around my entire family.

_"Penny for your thoughts?"_ I heard her mumble after I had been staring out of the window for awhile.

_"I think that we should try again..."_ I found my lips saying before I could stop them.

She sat up abruptly and turned as much as she could in her seat to stare me down.

_"Tell me the altitude isn't making you loopy...tell me that you're serious, Santana."_

_"Shh."_ Someone said from behind us somewhere.

Q, in true her fashion, simply raised her middle finger towards the scolder for a split second before bringing her hand down to cup my cheek.

I smiled at her and nodded.

_"It's been a year since my miscarriage and I know that I said that I didn't want to go through that again...but I was thinking that maybe...we should think about it."_

That smile...those lips...God, I would do anything to see them form into that kind of perfection every day.

She pressed her hand against my flat stomach and then rubbed softly.

_"Is this because of what happened?"_

I shrugged and then my smile went away.

The pain of losing the baby was still fresh for me and up until our visit to Lima, I had been adamant about not being pregnant again but somewhere between takeoff and now...I realized how short life is and how much I want to raise a family with Quinn.

I kept thinking about the dream of having two children and a picket fence.

And we had the picket fence and we had Ali...but she had lost Beth and I had lost the baby...so that left us with this gaping hole.

I still didn't want to be pregnant...

_"I guess."_ I said, my wall dropping for a millisecond.

But it had been enough.

She had seen past me.

And she stepped up to the plate.

_"Let me do this, San...let me be the one to carry the baby."_

My heart stopped and then raced and then I was leaning across the arm rest and kissing her.

_"Shh."_ Came again from behind us.

This time it was me that had my finger up...

* * *

**Quinn's POV**

* * *

When I had Beth...it was when I was a teenager who had only had sex once.

I was inexperienced and naïve to just how bad it would hurt.

There was no joy in my pregnancy...

No designing nurseries or picking out baby clothes...

I was just a vessel for her to live in for nine months before I handed her off to Shelby.

And then when San was pregnant with Ali and then the baby that she lost...things were different.

I was there in as much of a capacity as I could be but there was no attachment for me until I felt the first kicks and cries.

But now...as my body begins to form again into a vessel for this new baby, I feel like I have found purpose.

The degrees and the shiny things in my office didn't compare to what I was experiencing.

Knowing that this was our baby to keep and love, gave me a whole new perspective on life.

I hated being pregnant the first time around but this time...I was probably the happiest person alive.

And this time, even at four months, I was insanely horny.

I couldn't get enough of my wife and the noises that she made.

Everything about my wife made my body vibrate with need.

And she used it to her advantage.

* * *

When Santana's body rebelled against her and she had the miscarriage, a dark cloud settled on her shoulders.

Every sexy thing about her changed.

Gone were the stilettos and short skirts, replaced with baggy jeans and band shirts of different varieties and styles.

She looked like a grungy rock star or an artist.

Even with a platinum record and fame calling from every direction, she quit singing.

Instead of alcohol she consumed large quantities of black coffee and I would often catch her by the pool smoking a cigar.

She was becoming darker and quieter as the days went by.

Gone was her laughter and easy camaraderie with Ali.

She became stern with our baby girl and that probably scared me the most.

But we weren't fighting.

And even if I had tried...she resigned quickly with an apology before slipping off to a dark corner.

We all became afraid that she would go off the rails again and lose control of her sanity again...

But her sanity was the only thing that remained from the woman who I loved.

Suddenly she was a changed woman.

More studious and bookish.

She had stopped wearing her contacts in favor of big black framed glasses, she didn't even attempt to straighten her hair, leaving it in its natural state and almost immediately after she got a chance, she started going back the gun range almost daily.

Her gun license had long been revoked but that didn't stop her from letting off some steam by shooting at things.

But of course, once both me and her father found out...we put a stop to it.

There was no need to arouse any version of Snix...so instead, her father bought her video games.

His logic was that shooting imaginary guns was much safer for her.

And so he sat her down, explaining to her that the closest she could get to a gun was shooting games and while in the past she would have put up a fuss, this time around she accepted her fate.

Seeing her so broken down killed me inside but I stood by her just like I had promised.

* * *

I attended therapy with her and while I let her be alone, it was never for very long.

I made her participate in life.

And little by little, she cried less at night, she began to be silly with Ali and more than anything else...we started having sex again for the first time in months.

But even then...it wasn't completely the same.

I missed the way she used to touch me...used to tease me...used to kneel for me and I was honest about it.

She was no longer the woman who I married twice now but instead of turning that into an argument...

I just changed the way that I handled things.

And then death greeted us back in Lima and then we came back to each other, seeking comfort.

We created a life and it seemed to do what nothing else could.

The light was in her eyes again.

She put on those heels that drive me crazy and she made me come harder than ever.

And so four months into the pregnancy, she was using her sex appeal again and I was never happier.

Never more satisfied.

* * *

**Santana's POV**

* * *

_"Thank you for this, B. I know you have your own shit but I really needed this time."_

_"Don't worry...she's in good hands."_

_"You will call me if there are any problems?"_

Britt smiled and then pulled me into a tight hug.

I held her and took a deep breath.

Years after our relationship, her hugs still calmed my crazy.

I'm glad that our friendship has lasted through everything that's happened.

_"Go enjoy this time with Quinn. Once that baby gets here, it's going to be hard to get these moments back."_

_"I know..."_ I said before pulling back and then ruffling her short blonde hair. _"I still don't know why you cut your hair."_

She shrugged and then winked before pointing towards Zack.

He sat in the corner sharing his toy trucks with Ali, oblivious to his mom ratting him out.

_"Someone discovered scissors."_

My eyes went wide.

_"Oh God...please don't tell me that you let him play with scissors!"_

The kids looked at us and Britt just rolled her eyes.

_"Nicky helped...they wanted to give me a haircut...so I told him just cut a straight line at the bottom but they went a little overboard. It was supervised. Relax okay...Ali is in good hands. Disney World is going to be great and in a week, I will return her to you safe and sound."_

I held out my pinky.

_"Promise?"_

Her face split into a smile and she nodded before slipping her finger into mine.

_"I promise."_ She said before pulling me by my pinky into another tight hug.

_"Okay...I'm going to go then. Hopefully I can get my mack on."_

Britt gagged on her finger before giving me a thumbs up.

Some things never change.

* * *

When I got home, I was thankful that Quinn insisted on working full days still.

She wasn't expecting anything except a quiet dinner tonight.

But I had more in store for her.

I hadn't been myself in the past year or two and I could tell that she really missed me.

She tolerated my bullshit but I don't want to be tolerated.

We had made a conscious decision to create another life and now that she had just started showing...I knew that it would be harder for her to do some of her favorite things to me.

Right now she can still manage and I want her to enjoy what she could, while she still had the energy.

My mouth watered and my skin tingled just thinking about it.

And knowing that my daughter was in good hands set my mind at ease.

For the first time in quite a long time, I was going to focus all of my energy towards giving Quinn a place by my side.

I was ready to have a partner, to not be so fucking selfish.

And so while I may have been distant and closed off, things have changed.

I'm finally seeing the forest for the trees again and that is a feeling that I never want to forget.

* * *

**Quinn's POV**

* * *

I should have known that she was up to something when I got flowers at work with a note that simply said.

**_All you have to do is ask._**

Truthfully, I had been so busy reaming out a client that I hadn't given it much thought.

But really, I should have known.

I had just started showing and I was feeling extra sensitive about it.

My mood was terrible and I knew it.

On top of that Gigi was off for the next two weeks and I couldn't bitch about it because she was taking Ali with her to Disney.

I had someone new helping me out and she was so savvy that I couldn't even find a reason to complain.

Entirely frustrating.

But the flowers had served to remind me that I couldn't over do it...even if I was nearly screaming.

I was mentally counting down the minutes to my dinner with Santana.

Just her and me...I couldn't ask for more.

* * *

My mouth was still moving as I made my client realize that speaking without my permission in court was stupid.

We had lost the case.

Lost millions of dollars and he knew he was screwed...and I made sure to let him know just how much.

There was a prison cell waiting for him.

He had to turn himself in and I was going to deliver him.

I watched the tears come to his eyes and then I saw his sad nod of defeat.

_"Can't we appeal?" _He whined, looking pathetic._  
_

I rolled my eyes..

_"You have two options Oliver. Do you want to know what they are?"_

All two hundred pounds of him looked at me in desperation as he nodded.

_"Yes."_

_"One...you walk out of that door and run like the sad sack of sniveling shit that you are, hoping to God that those goons don't take you out before you reach the street, forgetting my name and any association that we have."_

He shook his head and wiped at his face.

_"No."_ He said softly.

I nodded and held up two fingers.

_"Or two...you cooperate with me. You bow your fucking head and you walk into that prison and do your time while I rebuild your case. You accept solitary confinement as a fucking gift from God and you wait for me to tell you your next fucking move without complaint."_

He mumbled something and I felt my irritation rise.

_"Speak up, Oliver!"_ I ground out while slamming my fist down.

_"I'll take the second option."_

_"Good...now go put on a clean shirt, wipe your fucking face and meet me out here in five minutes so we can try to fix this shit!"_

My phone rang and without thinking I picked it up.

_"What?!"_

* * *

There was a pause.

Enough for me to get myself under control before her voice murmured in my ear.

_"Did you get my flowers?"_

I felt like a fool.

It had been so long since she had been romantic and I had just snapped at her.

I was no better than Oliver!

_"San, I-"_

_"Dinner's at seven." _And the line died.

My throat closed up as I looked at the card from the flowers again.

**_All you have to do is ask._ **

For months, we haven't been intimate.

Sex has happened but there was no intimacy...

No rush...

No passion...

No romance...

And this was her reaching out...

Extending herself to me...

I felt guilty and selfish.

Add to that, Oliver walked out of the bathroom trying to put on a brave face but when I looked at him, he flinched.

Big guy like that, flinched at my glare...

It reminded me of my relationship with Finn...

My heart ached suddenly.

Suddenly, I didn't like how I was behaving...

Who I was becoming...

And that had to change.

* * *

After seeing that Oliver was in the hands of the authorities, I made my way back to my office.

I had to plan a way to ask for forgiveness.

It was already late and the office was empty.

Well I thought it was.

When I walked into my office,

There she was perched on my desk, legs crossed,

Wearing nothing but a smirk.

I could have fainted right then and there...

But I was so over come with guilt that I did something that was rare for me.

I dropped to my knees in front of her.

_"I need you to punish me."_

She faltered for a minute but then she slid to her feet.

_"Only if you ask nicely."_

_"Please, San...take me hard and rough...while you still can. Make love to me, give me everything you've got...please baby love...please give me love?"_

I couldn't believe my forwardness but my hormones were in full gear.

And I couldn't control just how forward I had been.

But the flare of her nostrils and the way she stared down at me told me that she had liked it.

I had said all of the right things.

I couldn't wait for her next move.

The heat between my thighs, the swelling of my breasts and the beating of my heart all ached to be wrapped up in her.

Her scent,

Her touch,

Her skin.

* * *

_**A/N: Hey dear readers...I'm feeling like one more for the road after this...I didn't want this chapter to be any longer than it already is...and so in two it's split. Sexy times up next! I'll be back for errors soon!**  
_


	26. Love They Say

_**A/N: This isn't it! One more coming!**_

* * *

**Love They Say (Tegan and Sara)**

* * *

**Santana's POV**

* * *

Blood Red.

I had been at the nail salon when I called my wife.

Although I am sure she doesn't remember that fateful phone call way back in the beginning of our tryst...but I was trying to recreate it...

Right down to the same nail salon and the same pink nail polish but then she got rude on the phone.

She killed the magic.

But she was pregnant and hormonal.

Right?

So I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt.

I had paused because I thought I was just hearing things but then when I realized how pissed she was...

When I thought about the things that I was willing to let her do to me...I got angry.

Although, I'm not sure who I was angry with...her or me...so I ended the call.

And then as the first stroke of pink was put onto my nails...I stopped the woman.

_"Make them red...and can you point the edges...you know like Rihanna?"_

_"Are you sure about that?"_

I looked at my nail woman, we had known each other for fifteen years and she knew my style.

She also knew that I was a lesbian and that sharp nails don't really bode well.

But in that short amount of time since hanging up, I had made up my mind.

I was mad at Quinn.

_"Yes, T. I know that you worry all the time about me and Q...but we are okay. It's just for fun."_

_"Doesn't sound like it."_

_"She's got pregnancy hormones...she's constantly sexually frustrated and-"_

_"Save it Santana."_

* * *

I looked up at my little nail woman, the same woman who I still came to when I was in my deep depression, who had allowed me to come sit in her chair even though I just got a simple manicure with no polish, even though she was the expert on everything fancy.

I had been wasting her talents for months but she allowed it.

Even when she had appointments, she would push people off just so that I could sit and talk to her.

She listened to me bitch and moan, let me cry and only said kind words

Honest words.

I always left feeling more like myself because of Tia.

She reminded me of a softer version of my mother.

But that was before she cut me off and got that motherly look in her eyes, I had never seen her quite like this.

It gave me chills.

* * *

_"But I-"_

She shook her head and dropped my hand onto the table.

_"Look, you know that I love you and I have come to love your wife just from what you tell me about her and that little girl of yours that sits so nice for me, the sweetest, politest little thing...she's got free manicures for life. Just seeing you with her tells me that you absolutely love your family. Am I right?"_

_"Absolutely."_

_"Then you really need to think about this. Think about the spitefulness and the hurt that you two have gone through over the years. You have come so far, just in the last year. You need to really think about how you want to handle things going forward. Maybe it's time that you change how you handle things in your marriage. Turn the tables on the chaos...I mean hasn't it taken long enough for you to realize that she is your forever...if you still want her to be...how long have you been married? Five years? That's a long time."_

I smiled and shook my head.

_"Ten."_

_"Hmm?"_

_"We've been together for almost fifteen years, married for ten of them."_

She nodded and picked my hand back up and started buffing my edges.

_"Then you should know better. I won't give you sharp nails...I don't care what type of kinky shit you're into, you will not intentionally hurt her. With her permission is a different story or do I need to bring up your cheek?"_

I shook and dropped my head.

_"No...that's not necessary."_

I had been humbled.

My heart had been so quick to drop the romance and instead was going for punishment but that's not what this night was supposed to be about.

_"Good, you know better, Santana."_

She was right, I did know better.

Tia sighed after seeing that I took heed to her words and so I smiled softly before shrugging.

_"I do."_

_"You want the pink right?"_ She asked as she went to reach for the original color.

I shook my head and smiled softly.

_"Can I still have red?"_

* * *

I hadn't expected Q to come into her office and submit to me right away.

Shit, I didn't even expect that kind of thing at all.

Me being naked had been a last second decision...

I wanted to be honest and open for her, in hopes that she would do the same for me.

And it worked out better than I had ever expected.

_"How are you feeling?"_ I asked as I stood there against her desk looking into her glittering eyes.

_"Better than earlier."_ She said clearly with a small smile.

_"Do you want to talk about it?"_

She looked me up and down and then dropped her head and shrugged.

_"I guess."_

Her confidence was either shot or she was just trying to give me what she thought that I wanted.

_"Come on...let me help you up."_

I held my hand out to her and she looked up at me in shock.

Maybe she thought we were still fighting because in the next moment, my big bad wife looked like she was going to cry.

_"I'm sorry, baby love."_ She said before wiping at her dry eyes with the backs of her hands and taking a deep breath.

She looked like she really didn't want to move.

But I held both my hands out this time.

_"Come on, Q...I need you to talk to me...please?"_

* * *

Her hormones were still crazy and so I was nice enough to put my shirt back on but I don't think that helped much.

She kept staring at my legs and rubbing her knees together.

Lust clouded her normally sharp mind but I didn't think that I could honestly do anything with her with anything between us.

I needed the romance and the love back...

_"Q?"_ Her head popped up as she licked her lips.

_"Tell me what happened?"_

_"Happened?"_ She said...still distracted.

_"Earlier...right before I called."_

She nodded as she licked her lips again and looked at my legs.

_"Dumb client...I uh...lost my case and uh..."_

I knew she was horny but this was ridiculous.

Maybe talking this through could wait for later but I was more than a piece of meat.

_"Yo Quinn...baby...focus." _I said again, this time moving to kneel down in front of her chair.

She looked down at me and smiled like a buffoon.

An endearing and charming buffoon.

_"Will this help you focus?"_ I asked as I smoothed my blood red nails over her thighs.

She looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

She smirked and then licked her lips.

_"You have no idea."_

_"Do you have anything else that you want to say?"_

She shook her head. _"Not uh...really baby love...maybe just a question..."_

_"Ask me, Q." _I whispered as I gave her my most hooded bedroom eyes.

_"Can I fuck you now?"_

I ripped my shirt over my head.

_"All you had to do was ask."_

* * *

_**A/N:Fuck it...something coming next...stay tuned!**_


	27. All of Me

**_A/N: I'm not sure if this is the end...it might be...we'll see._**

* * *

**All of Me (John Legend)_  
_**

* * *

I closed my eyes and just took a breath as I looked down into her smoky eyes.

For too long, I had longed for her to be like this...I had missed her more than I ever thought possible.

I took shaky hands and brushed her long, dark curls away from her face.

She smiled at me and I nearly came apart.

My hormones were on edge, needing her loving but wanting to cherish this moment.

_"I can't stop looking at you sometimes...you're just so beautiful."_ I whispered. Her eyes dropped and I saw the blush creeping up her neck.

She had been so insecure since she lost the baby and I knew for a fact that she stopped seeing herself as the knockout that she always was.

Lately, she had been trying, the heels were back occasionally and so were the form-fitting clothes, but her swagger wasn't genuine.

She had lost her confidence.

I tipped her chin up with my thumbs and leaned forward...I ghosted my lips across hers before pulling back.

Her eyes shimmered as she looked at me...suddenly desperate for my attention.

_"Q?" _

_"Say it."_ I whispered.

_"Say, what?" _

_"Say that you're beautiful."_ I said with a smirk.

She dropped her eyes again and I dropped a small kiss on her forehead.

Our eyes met again as she trapped her lip between her teeth.

_"You're beautiful."_ She said with a small smile.

I shook my head.

_"Say it, Santana."_ I said with more force, because as cute as she thought she was, this was important.

She pulled back and brushed her hands over her face before taking a deep breath and looking back at me.

_"I thought you wanted to fuck me?"_ She snapped...suddenly angry.

My heart swelled up and then practically exploded when I saw the defensive look on her face.

I had struck a nerve.

* * *

I sat there in shock as she got to her feet and began to storm around my office, putting her clothes back on.

When she was fully dressed and headed for the door, that's when I actually stood up.

I blocked the door and crossed my arms over my chest.

She looked like she was about to break down but I just stood there, arms spread waiting for her to step into my embrace.

But she just stood there, looking at me like the most broken thing that I had seen.

_"Why do you do this to me, Q?"_ She finally said.

_"Let me hold you."_ I said back, ignoring the question.

And just like our five-year old, she stomped her foot in frustration and then threw her hands into the air.

_"Answer the damned question!"_ She snapped back.

_"No."_ I said, refusing to let her continue down this path and because I knew that she wasn't the same Santana that would fight me to the death, I knew that I was going to win this.

She didn't fight or even snap at me, she instead looked at me one last time before finally stepping into my arms.

I held her against me so tight, that when her body began to shake with her cries, I swear that my body was vibrating.

Her tears were hot against my neck as her breaths came out in short bursts.

I had made the right move.

She was finally releasing all the penned up tears and grief that she had been holding in for way too long.

And I was good to her as she cried in my arms.

I rubbed her back and squeezed her tight as she drooped against me.

There was no comforting word or distraction that I could provide anymore.

Everything that I could give her was right there in that hug.

She needed everything that I could give and I needed her too.

* * *

Pretty soon, my tears came as I thought of my own loss, Beth died without ever knowing that I was with her in her final moments.

She would never fall in love, never get married, never have children of her own...she never even got to graduate high school.

Everything that San and I had, was wrapped up in so much loss and pain.

We had been trying for so long to cope on our own but unless we had therapy or a friend's sudden death...we never acknowledged each others pain.

And slowly, we had been coming back to one another, loving...laughing and breathing the same space at night but that hadn't been enough.

Giving all of our love to Ali had helped us remember to feel but that was where the buck had stopped...and this new baby was along the same line as Ali...we were nurturing this new life but where was our bond?

Where was this breakdown?

There had been no tipping point.

Until now.

Eventually, my back started to ache and I had to acknowledge that I was pregnant and standing there, holding up my wife wasn't good for me.

Her cries had turned into whimpers as she rested there against my shoulder.

_"San?"_ I whispered against her face.

_"Hmm?"_ She finally said.

_"Say it."_

Her head popped up and she looked at me like she was going to break again, but this bout of grieving had helped her push past some of the insecurities.

_"I'm beautiful...with you."_ She said, giving a small shrug as she took a step back and wiped at her eyes.

I reached out and wrapped my arm around her waist again.

_"I can accept that...for now."_

She nodded and then pulled me into her arms.

This time she was supporting me and rubbing at the sore spot on my back, along the scar from my accident ages ago.

It wasn't until that moment that I realized that was the exact source of my current pain...but she did.

Because despite all the pain and sadness that had been hanging over us, she was still my wife, my best friend, my everything.

_"Thank you, Q."_

_"Thank you, baby love."_

* * *

I stood in the shower with the music turned up and was singing to myself while San took out the trash and made us popcorn.

We had stopped on the way home and had bacon and pineapple pizza and now we were going to snuggle up with snacks and watch a bunch of trashy television that had been clogging up the DVR since we couldn't watch them with little eyes and ears around.

I was excited to be able to spend this time with my wife and reconnect with who we once were and who we had the potential to be.

_"Can I join you?"_

Thank God for handrails, I jumped at the sound of her voice and nearly slipped but I was able to hold myself stable.

Of course, that didn't stop her from stepping behind me and pulling me against her bare flesh.

_"Mmmm."_ I groaned when I felt her fingers trace across my stomach and then I threw my head back onto her shoulder as her hands trailed down my thighs.

_"Can I?"_ She asked as she looked into my eyes.

_"I'm yours."_ I said as I used my hands to push her hand lower. _"Always yours, baby love...all of me."_

Her fingers sank into me as she held me against her.

I kissed her neck and her chin as she thrust into me.

_"You okay?" _She asked as I whimpered.

_"No."_ I whispered.

Her fingers stopped and I looked up into her dark eyes.

_"Tell me what you need?"_

_"To see you better."_ I said as I brushed the side of her face with my fingers.

The sound of her laughter in the next moment made chills run through me...even with three of her fingers still buried deep inside of me.

She smiled as she helped me to rest back against the wall.

_"Better?"_ She asked as she stepped up against me, still holding my tiny stomach, in some vain attempt not to crush me but I knew that there was no way that she could do that, so I pulled her closer before burying my fingers in her hair and bringing her lips to mine.

_"Yes." _I said before bridging the gap between our lips.

Her kisses absorbed all of my moans as she began to push inside of me, deeper.

_"I missed this."_ She said, as she looked deep into my eyes.

_"Shower sex?" _I asked with a smirk.

Her hand that wasn't thrusting into me palmed my breast and then traveled across my stomach, over my hip and gripped my ass.

_"All of you." _

_"Mmm...yesssss...harder, baby love." _I groaned as her hand came around and tilted my face up.

She was everywhere, all over me and inside of me.

It was like I didn't exist separate from her and it felt right and good.

_"I love you." _She kept chanting as she brought me closer and closer to the edge.

I looked up into her eyes and could see that she had tears but these were different.

It was like watching her fall in love all over again.

* * *

_"Oh God! Yesssss! SAN...Santana! Fuck...yessss!"_ I shouted as I threw my arms around her and clung tight to her flesh.

She hissed as my fingers dug into her skin when I tried to grip tighter to her slippery skin.

_"Fuck." _She groaned when I drug my fingers down as I came.

_"I love you."_ I said as I pulled her face closer to me.

She held tight to me as I sucked her lips into my mouth.

Her hands rested on either side of my head as I began to move my knee between her legs.

_"Q?"_ She groaned as I moved my knee against her heat.

_"Don't you dare stop me."_ I said, knowing that's what she was going to do...cut me off like she had for months.

She had been able to touch me but when I went to touch her...she would brush me off...but not today.

I wouldn't allow it.

* * *

_"Okay."_ She said, looking at me with sad eyes.

_"Say it."_ I said as I held her chin so that she couldn't turn from me.

She took a deep breath and then in one rushed breath, she whispered.

_"I'm beautiful." _

_"Again."_ I snapped. _"Louder."_

I was using all of my assertiveness to make her understand what she was.

_"I'm beautiful." _

_"Don't stop."_ I muttered as I dropped my fingers to just above my knee.

I stroked over her bud and she shuddered against me.

_"I'm b-beautiful." _She said again, with a groan.

_"So beautiful...and so wet."_ I whispered as I sped up my fingers...wanting to dip inside of her but not sure if she needed more time.

_"Ugh...I'm...oh...Be...be...beautiful!"_ She groaned louder as I traced around her entrance before speeding up the movement of my knee and my fingers.

_"All you have to do is ask, baby love."_ I whispered as I traced around her entrance again.

_"Mmmm...I'm beau...oh...God...yes...inside...please?" _She whined.

_"Say it." _I said as I stilled my fingers.

Her eyes met mine and she nodded...and then the conviction and confidence shone bright in her eyes.

_"I'm flawless, I'm amazing, I'm beautiful...I'm everything because of you...oh God." _She groaned as I dipped inside and pulled out. Her eyes went wide._ "Oh...baby, I'm everything that I am because of you...I'm beautiful." _

I smiled and then sunk into her.

_"You forgot to say sexy." _I said before changing positions and pressing her back against the opposite wall.

She looked at me and smirked.

_"I'm so...ugh...yes! Oh! Baby! Quinn! Fuck, so sexy!" _She said with a shudder as she came gushing around my fingers.

* * *

Her arms came around me as we snuggled into our big bed and began to watch one of our shows.

Part way through the first episode, I heard her lightly snoring in my ear and couldn't resist.

I turned off the television and then turned in her arms.

Her hair was draped over the side of her face as a soft look of comfort and peace covered her features.

It was a look that I hadn't seen on her in what felt like years.

Tears came to my eyes as I brushed her hair from her face and just took time to admire her, right down to the small scar that sat in front of her ear from her surgery.

I brushed my thumb over it and then leaned forward and kissed her lips.

Her hand came up and captured mine as her eyes opened.

_"Thank you."_ She whispered with a smirk.

_"For what?" _

_"Giving me all of you...and for holding a part of me so that I didn't lose myself."_

My heart raced.

Had I been doing that?

_"I..."_ I faltered, not sure what I was supposed to say to that.

_"Don't...sell yourself short...you have held me together, Q and I am so fucking grateful for you. All of you."_

_"I love you."_ I said as I brought my lips to hers._ "All of you...every broken piece."_

She let out a painful chuckle before hugging me tighter.

_"You're better than anything that I could have asked for, Q...it's like with you...here."_ She brought my hand to her chest, just above her heart. _"You keep me together...you take the pain away...and I hope that...I can be..."_ She choked out and then took a deep shuddering breath.

I couldn't help myself as I covered her face in kisses.

_"You are my everything, baby love...never doubt that...ever again."_

We fell asleep that night, closer than we had been in longer than we like to admit.

It didn't feel like an end...like every kiss and embrace had felt lately...this felt like the start.

Fresh...sweet...and ours for the taking.

* * *

_**A/N: Thanks for being my everything chicas! :)** _


End file.
